I've been with the same guy for three years. Things were kind of messed up from both sides when it started as neither of us were completely broken up with our ex(s). I take it as phase 1's development of the insecurity from both sides.
After a year or two, things got a bit more solid and we started talking more about future plans and stuff. But still, sometimes he acts strange and says that he needs space and time and feels suffocated when things are moving too fast.
Rcently, we've stepped into year three by having me moving to live with him.
The funny/strange bit is - even though he kept saying that he loves me and he knows that getting married to me is a right thing to do, somehow, he couldn't manage to take the next step.
He has recently asked for time out and wanted to resolve things saying that he wants to figure out why he's having these problems.
I don't know if I should wait for him or should I just leave him because - I'm totally confused. He says things which is completely different from his actions and I don't know if he would just hurt me in the end.
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shaq
18 yrs ago
I'll advise that you wait for him for a while. But, I'll also say, be ready for any outcome; if he comes back to you, fine, and if he doesn't look ahead.
You see, the mistake I think most of us commit is 'moving in' with a bf/gf (instead of a husband/wife). With such a move, always be ready to bear the consequencies of a break, which is about 90% bound to happen.
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Agree to Shag and I infact am trying to get on with life and doing things I like again.
I hate to say that - living with him and being the reason to be blamed for not giving him space to move on with his business/personal plan does kill the relationship between us for abit.
Also - I'd say, in a way, I should bear the responsibility for moving in.
The only quest I gotta face is - I still got lots of stuff at his place, which means, in case I gotta look/move ahead, I would have to suffer the whole sh*t of getting to his place to pick everything up and bring out all the courage in me to "walk-the-walk".
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Have you ever heard of the saying, "If you love a guy, let him go. If he comes back, he's yours, if he doesn't, he never was."?
If he wants time out, then give him time out. He obviously doesn't know what he wants, and you don't want to continue spending time with someone who doesn't treasure you, right? At the end of the day, if he really loves you like he says he does, TRUST ME, he'll come back to you eventually. If he doesn't, he just wasn't that into you, and you'll have nothing to worry about cuz there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Good luck hunny bun.
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shaq
18 yrs ago
Go get your stuff, girl, if he decides NOT to have you any more. Get some machomen (like me ... :D) to go with you and get all your precious things, if you don't wanna go there alone. Better still, leave them if you don't really need them.
These things are bound to happen and if they do, don't blame yourself too much.
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Hi Imma Start & Shag, thanks! Well - well noted and agree with that I should give him the time out and just see what happens.
The funny thing is - before this guy asked me to move in, he also asked for time out. I wonder why he came back to me and asked me to move in if he didn't think things through right then.
But anyway - life's life and if he doesn't come back to me, I still can't just hang in there forever.
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shaq
18 yrs ago
I bet that guy is suffering from indecision or, even worse, attitudinal/personality problem. Put a positive spin on the whole thing, take control of your life, and walk the walk with your chest out. Believe you me, most men cherish that and it wouldn't be long before you 'land' a real man.
I was wondering though; did you ask to move in (since you said before that he asked for a time out)? Cheers!
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I didn't ask to move in. He was the one who wanted me to move in. In fact, he asked for that for a couple of times during the past few years - which was rejected by me as I didn't feel right for that right then.
Agree with you that he is suffering from indecision and he actually suffers this in everway.
Quite a few times he said he wanted to do something and for some reason, he fails to put his thoughts into actions.
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You could be right, Blue Steel.
The thing is - no one wants to be with someone who constantly needs you to keep reminding you how hot and how desirable you are.
If the guy truly deserves you, he should know what you are and that he has alot to lose if he's to put himself at the risk of losing you.
For me, I look at it this way - the "time-out" is not just risking me of losing him, by having the "time-out", I also am given a 2nd chance to think of whether I STILL want this guy or not as well.
Thanks for your advice though.
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