Mom..

Same as mine. You need to break the generational cycle. As you get older and more in control, it will be you who gives her the hugs and kisses as she needs them maybe more than you.

I have known a lovely young woman who came to live with my husband and I in the states just before she started college there. She is from Taiwan. She had the same issues as you do. I have since gotten to know her mom and will state with absolute certainty that her mother does love her very, very much. As "matches" indicates, it does seem to be a generatioal/cultural thing. If open affection was not given to you as a child then it is very difficult to give it to your children even though you may love them with every fiber of your being.


Follow matches advice, be the one to give affection. I am fortunate, I am a hugger and kisser, from a long line of huggers and kissers. When I first met this young woman from Taiwan at the airport, I gave her a big hug. It was obvious that she did not know how to respond, not being used to recieving open displays of physical affection. Fast forward a couple of years and she was more often than not the initator of the hug.

Have you tried sitting down with your mom and explaining how her you are hurt by her words? I mean at at time when you are both calm and not distracted by other things. The key to talking with you mom about how you feel will be in remaining calm. Make statements that put the focus on her actions and not on her. Such as "when I hear you say ...... it makes me feel .... I know this seems to be a small difference in the way you might phrase a statement but it does help the other person not to become defensive. Don't forget to listen to her carefully too. Try to hear what is really being said and not just the words themselves. If she can't or won't listen to what you have to say then you may have to accept that she will never change and then have to make a decision as to how much time you spend with her.

I think your mother does not have love from her marriage and transfers that feeling to her children. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do,but be the giving one, as you do as being a mom to your child too. Maybe one day you will be rewarded by her, if not,you do not have regrets about not having tried.