before you judge me please understand my feelings, i am mid 20's when i start working abroad, i have my family, kids left in my country, i have 2 yrs contract to work abroad, i can say my relationship to my husband is good the only problem is money and he cant provide more to survive the family, thats why i decided to work abroad, i can say 1 1/2 yrs i been very faithful to him, even thu i know that he did bad the time i am so all alone and feel homesick, but i still forgive him, i still love him, Then my life is change, i met one guy, he is merried too, he have kids, his nice guy, we have talk very often on the phone then sometimes i go dinner with him, until we both developed the feelings, we end up of s..... the night i was with him, i cant explain the feelings, i dont feel any guilt to whatever i did, i know its bad, we both agree that this kind of relationship would not last longer, but we both let it happen, relationship still on and on and on and on, yrs. and yrs. i still go back to my family and he do same thing, but i cannot take it anymore pretend that im still clean to my husband, i tell the truth, my husband cant accept so i end up of separation, until now im still with my sinful relationship, my bf does'nt want to devorce, i understand why, because his been to a broken family, never meet his father, and no more relatives just old mother and wife and kids, i dont ask him to devorce his wife, i dont want to be unfair, in fact he stay with me living together, he just go home to his family every holidays, we know how much we love each other, how much we care, we promised that we never leave each other, but how long the relationship will last, what if his wife know oneday that his living with other woman, what should i need to do, i love him so much, i cant live without him, we both cried everytime i open this kind of conversation with him, we dont know what to do, we both dont want to lose each other, please help me...
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oh that is sad story of your life, i dont know what to say, if you really cant leave him. just enjoy life while you with him, dont put to much pressure in your head, maybe oneday who knows. pray to god and he will guide you on the better way of life...
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this is very different stories i ever read on this forum, i believe that if your away to your family, temptation is really bad, but in your case you been living together with him, it means you both carrying the obligations as you being wife and him being your husband, without merried, so just goodluck
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the only person who dont know the relationship between my lover is his family all his close friends, officemate, knows everything,he bring me to his country to know every close friends he have, and i am the one who attend the parties in his office everytime there is ocassion, im the one with him, he dont hide me, i dont forget my obligations to my kids, i still work and send money to them and i have more time to see them 3 times a yr. my husband has new family and im the one who handle all the obligation how to raise my kids,
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some person fall inlove in a wrong time and wrong place maybe alanis 0677 try to think better if you really want to stay on that kind of situation, remember life is to short, so give the best of it.....
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im am running on my own bussiness in shanghai, german resto. my children have a goodlife in my country and they study in a good school, they try to come and leave with my but most of the time i spent my life in my bussiness, so they get bored and go back to my country, my lover wife dont like to live in shanghai, she live here before i met my lover,she and her children dont like here so thats why they go back to london. i find love and care with him thats why its hard for me to leave him...
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he never give the landline number, he have his roaming Uk phone so his wife call to that number, all my clothes everything is here to his house his wife never visit him instead he is the one who visit his wife, then go to other country for a holidays, his children never know me...
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thats ok, if he dont give his landline phone number at least you still safe to his wife...
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Agree, be real.
In failed marriages, the innocent victims are the kids. Have you thought about the kids of the two families, yours and his?
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Alanis, if you have any love for your kids you should leave that man. Secrets do not last forever and the pain you will cause your kids when they find out what you have been doing for such a long time will be nothing compared to what you will feel when they reject you. Regardless the reason why you have been living with a MARRIED MAN you get the "W..." word. Think carefully about the consequences of your actions. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. My husband had a long time relationship with a individual in Guangzhou, he even married her and cried his eyes out for forgiveness. Relationship was over but for my son's sake I tried to make things work. Obviously that was impossible. Nowadays I regret wasting my time for a worthless man who will probably end up his days alone. What went around came around to him, he has numerous health issues and guess what. I could care less. Just like you will get when your time comes. Good luck because I would certainly not like to be in your shoes. The day you open your eyes better not be late.
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Alanis, what do you want to do now? You want to marry this man and start a family with him with his and your children? It sounds like you know it's not possible but you just don't want to let go of this relationship.
If that's the case, I think sooner or later you'll just wear out. You'll never be happy/satisfied when you only have half of the man. In a serious relationship, it's about two people and two people only, no room for another party, no matter how little tiime he spends with her. Soon you might start to demand more of his time or all of it and you'll be torn if he can't deliver. It's a good time to back out now, in my opinion. Hurtful but better for you in the long run.
Just ask yourself what you want out of this relationship, what end you are aiming for and hopefully that'll help you make a better decision.
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i completly understand all of you, funcqkw, and aijin, you both give me more idea, i do love to get merried with him but in a way, i know half of his life will spend to his family, we both agree that we never bring kids at home either his kids or my kids, my kids know him already, i dont know if that the right thing to do, i did tell them about my relationship, they never meet them yet but maybe soon.... how do i start moving on, i am so scared to get hurt, and as i said i do really love him, but yes most of the time, i am dying inside everytime his with his family, specially at night, because i know they sleep together in one bed....
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be your self, you can still move on, if you really want to, feel the pain, rather than dying inside and how long you can take that....?
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Alanis, to move on is about starting afresh, embracing changes, big changes. It's never easy but necessary in certain times of our lives. I believe it's one of those times for you now.
How long have you been with this man? Do you see yourself being happy/miserable intermittently for the rest of your life? You can be happy, complete with a man that can give you a future, a home, a family and all of his love and attention. Such a man is out there, for you. You need to believe in that and you deserve that.
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aijin, funcqkw, you both right, since i wrote this problem on this asiaexpat, and read all the public opinion, i started to think how many times i get hurt and how many times i been miserable, yes i agree everytime his away from me and sleeping alone on the bed, i feel miserable, i get use to it already, that people call me stupid, once he say he love me i feel like floating in the air,if his with me, i always pray time will stop, i am so happy spending time with him like i never felt to anyone else, is my case, i am very easy to find man, i can i am attractive woman, tall slim, like all man desire, my problem is i never tried to be around with anyone, next month i will go back to my country and spend time with my kids, i prepare 1 month, this is my long vacation since i start working abroad,i wish one of this days i find myself with a single man, who will love me care me and my kids, Mate's, i will tell everything, and all of you will be my daily diary..... by the way we live together for 3 yrs, thats why its hard for me to move on, and relationship gets deeper and more deeper everyday..
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Hi Alanis
Why invest in a relationship when everytime u spend wonderful time, u have to look at the time and wish it stops because u know theres a time limit? How awful to be with someone so "perfect" and at the same time u know it will end. The word "END" is always hanging around you! Its easier to say "enjoy now", but the longer u hang in there, it will take more effort to leave. At this moment, deep down,u just want to find someone to agree with whatever u are doing. Ask yourself, by the end of the day, either u walk out first, or he will end it. The former takes effort on you, and the latter will make u feel that all the time wasted and no respect. Its your choice. If 3 years he still shares the same bed with wife, behaved married on the other side, then i doubt he will ever change. That i am sure you don't need to be told!
Good luck.
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I totally understand that this is a very difficult situation. And although you know it is wrong, it also makes you feel very happy (when you are with him) and very hard to try to do what's right. It's weird how people finds love in very inappropriate circumstances. And in this kind of situation, not many people would understand you or wish you a happy ending...
I really do hope you are strong and get thru this. No one knows how it's gonna end, so just please be happy for the moments you spend with him now.
Be Strong and Be Happy.
From: someone in a similar situation...
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Navv
18 yrs ago
Wonder how long you two can go like this but the fact remains that your home is broken and your boy friend is still married. Your kids need you just like your boyfriend's kids need him. So be strong, return to your family & try to rebuild your relationship with your ex husband. Take care and God bless
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hi, most of you hate me so much, im sorry, did try to find my way to leave him, but its feels like dying, most people can say very easy to leave a person you love, but in a real situation like mine, it is really painful, thanks bkk gal, at least you understand me, nav, i was hoping that my husband still forgive me, but its to late.... he have his own family now since 3yrs i left...
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thank you aijin, you make me smile this morning.... see you oneday in hongkong.... i live there before in new world apartment... tsimshashui.....
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Alanis, please keep in mind that when a lot of people give comment/advice on a forum like this, they bring in their own perspective as they don't know you in person. It's not a personal attack. They're commenting from experiences or their own priorities in life but those do not necessarily apply to you.
I suggest you find a man that can give you all of his love because I myself am in a very fulfilling relationship. I simply can't imagine sharing a man's love/time/attention with another woman. But then, I'm not you. It's your decision to make, to whichever end you feel comfortable with.
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funcqkw i know your right, some comments hurt me so much, some makes me idea, sometimes i was thinking i wish his wife will cought us living together, then he should need to choose which one, if he ask me to leave, i am more giving myself to move on, but this time in my life with him, it feels like i cant start doing things or excuses to leave him, because from the start i know im merried his merried, some comments said that he did to his wife, one day he will do it to me. sometimes i am wishing i wish its happen, but it seem everything is ok, he go home from work see me at home watching tv, sleep together, how could i let myself run away on this kind of feelings, i really dont know.. maybe time can tell..???
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featherinwind, yes i agree with you, but you know if ever he play that rules, he still good plaer, because h support everyone needs, maybe if ever i see him how to treat his wife, yes i may get hurt so much but i know and i can say he treat people good, almost give all his support to everyone need...maybe because his bussines man thats why his very good negotiate even life of someone, most of people believe him his good....
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It is sinful because you think it is sinful.but there is no sense of sin in truly love.
(i am base in peking)
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Living in guilt and fear of being caught is not the best way to spend your life. Is this what you both truly want?
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dont worry alanis, what ever people say in this thread, just listen to yourself, still your decision of what you really want.... who knows....
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