I went on a date and it did not turn out as a 'date' at all.
As we sat down, the menu was right on the table, he just flipped through the menu to see what he wanted to drink, and I did not get to even touch the menu until he decided, and put away the menu (on the next table! He did not even pass it to me).
The whole night, 'races' was the only topic we talked about. I was being called "Chinese" the whole night. I was asked questions like - do you have mainly Chinese people in your office? Do you need to speak English at work? How old do Chinese girls get married? What nationality would you like to date? Have you ever dated a "xxx" (that's his nationality) etc etc.
When I asked about his job - what's the difference between working for company A and company B (I won't name those or else you'd know right away what he does for a living), I was expecting answers about company policies or benefits, but the differences he named were about races/nationalities again. I was a little shocked.
In the middle of the 'session', I knew I would never talk to or see this person again.
He learned only recently that the World Cup is on every 4 years.
I'm not really trying to 'date and tell', I'm just sharing my experience here, and I have no intention to disclose his identity.
I'm really surprised to find someone like this in Hong Kong in 2006...
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This guy has been in HK for 2 years and he's very well travelled.
Well, he did ask me where I'd like to go, he suggested two different areas, I named somewhere different, he said "oh yeah I was thinking that too" - and yet he didn't suggest that?
After area was set, I named an exact bar, he picked another. What's the point in asking me?
Haha, your 2-for-1 story is a good one too!
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funny i just watch a movie last night: first date the man order food for the lady, she even didn't have chance to say what she wanted" she asked him" am i 12" he replied " am a expert on order food" :)
some men like decide for women, some men want to be boss of women
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shaq
18 yrs ago
Give the guy a break, ladies :D. But, I agree, some guys could be obnoxious on a date.
CtheG >> Perhaps, your date didn't have anything better to talk about, hence his attachment to racial issues. I've also learned that our dear chinese ladies like the 'gweilos', so I guess he just was exploiting that (i.e., if he was one), knowing very well that you gals cherish them.
And you ask him about job related issues? ... Hmmm, perhaps he thought you wanna know how much he earns before continuing to go out with him .... grrrrr .... I'm just thinking aloud .... PEACE and LOVE, folks!!
ShaQ
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Shaq, it's nice of you for speaking for him.
However, if that's the case, he must have been even more shallow that I thought!
- I don't care about people's nationalities, I like them for who they are. Therefore, if he thought(as YOU suggested) that he's so superior cos he's non-Chinese, I feel sorry for him.
- Again, if he thought (again, as YOU suggested)that I wanted to know how much he's earning etc, I wouldn't blame him cos he wouldn't get to look at what's in my bank accounts.
But then again, I don't think this guy I dated had such shallow thoughts.
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shaq
18 yrs ago
I guess one has to consider what constitute 'shallow(ness)'. Your definition of his character may be something else, rather than 'shallow. Anyway, I was just thinking aloud and considering all factors/scemarios, given what you said. I sure hope that's not shallow as well .... hmmmmm ...
ShaQ
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I'm sure almost all of have dates-from-hell stories to tell. Wasn't there a thread about this in the past?
Sometimes personalities just don't click, so don't lose sleep on it. Time to move on to the next guy in line. Cheers :)
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Some of these nerds just don't get it, and don't even deserve the attention of classy women like us. Just chuck them asap!
I would have left the table without giving him credit of being polite.
Charlotte, I'm sorry to hear that you had such a date. Sometimes you just wonder why those nerds come to Asia without the slightest idea how to be cool and how to be courteous as a real gent!
Look what's HK gotta offer in terms of hospitality and courtesy!
Those guys, who think to survive in this dating scene with their foreign, exotic looks given from mum and dad, will only maintain such lifestyle in the cheapest joint in the cheapest areas of Wanchai and Mongkok.
Let live!
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When we went out that night, he paid for the drinks with his credit card, I took my wallet out and asked him how much it was, he said "$120". I was a little shocked to be honest, but I still went ahead and take money out, then he said "well, I can get that". So..money back in! Haha!
It's not about the money, just that it's a gentleman thing.
A few years back I went on a date with this guy who rang his mate in front of me saying "yes I'm with her now, she IS hot!"
ahem!!!
And oh, years ago I was dating this guy for a while, we went to dinner one evening, I picked a restaurant in LKF, it wasn't outrageously expensive honestly, he went to fix the bill, then said on our way out "it's the most expensive meal I've ever had". A few days later we went out again, we went for a walk, then suggested we'd eat something, and said "but I don't want to eat anything expensive". I liked the guy, I tried to understand the fact that he might be a bit tight at the time, so I took him to a cheap place for some Chinese food, and I volunteered to pay for dinner.
I guess some people would just rather to spend on money on alcohol, than on a date.
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lulu
18 yrs ago
oh i think i am always very lucky on getting lousy dates. Hoping ed will not delete my experiences.
the lousy samples that charlotte got arefairly usual to me, tossers around....
Share one of the funniest and lousy one i got. I arranged to meet this Canadian guy , who claim he works in engineering stuff, for a drink. Since i got a lot of lousy experiences on meeting guys, most of the time i will just arrange a drinks first before any dinners follows. Just to make sure i can leave nice and quickly if anything goes wrong during the conversation / dates.
Ok, back to the date, i arranged to meet him in dickens in excelsior for a drink after hours. He was late for 20 minutes, i have to call him to ask him where he was! OK, he arrived, finally, he sat there and order a beer himself and i already ordered my coke as i arrived early. Then he sat there, say nothing and keeping watching the TV. I was trying to be nice so i digged out some BS to talk...but all his answer are not more 3-4 words...I thought he is an engineer , so may be he is a bit quiet...Then of course, after 15 minutes, i told him i have to meet a friend for dinner and i runned!!
When i was in the resturant with my girlfriend, talking about how lousy he was...i suddenly received a text from him, asking "do you like big c**k?" ooops! what a jerk! I was socked but bursed out laughing at the same time and shown it my friend, she laughs hysterically as well...Then after 5 minutes, he texted me again "do you like to s**k my c**k? " continue "hey we all know what these about, dont be a prude..." i never answer his call anymore.....
What a jerk, how lucky.
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Looks like a lot of men don't quite know what women expect.
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Well, I think I'm entitled to jump in the bad (or at least odd) date category. I one went on a date with a woman from AX. After our date, she posted here on the relationship forum about a comment I made on the date. Taken out of context, it reflected quite badly on me. Several days later I read the post and realized it was about me!!! Over the course of the next two weeks, hundreds of funny comments circulated, while I tried to explain my side of the story. It was quite humorous.
On the topic of first dates, and first impressions… here is my two cents: You only get one chance to make a first impression. Why appear cheap, or rude, or pushy on a first date? For goodness sake, pay the bill, be a gentleman, open the door, ask for input on the restaurant and PAY ATTENTION to the woman. No matter how well or how badly it goes, the least you can do is be kind, considerate and thoughtful. If you don’t enjoy it, don’t go for a second date.
On the topic of guys paying or not paying. DON’T be cheap. If you invite her on the date, pay the bill. If it goes well, offer to let her pay for the second date, or some other activity. IF, for some reason, you are very short on funds, discuss it in advance. It’s reasonable to say, I'm sorry, but I my job here doesn’t pay well, would you mind going Dutch (sharing the bill) on this date? If you’re just cheap, avoid women. Relationships are expensive, there is no way around it!
By the same token, ladies, life is short. If he is cheap, rude, inconsiderate, pushy or otherwise doesn’t impress you, DON’T go for a second date. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Why settle for multiple bad dates. Intuition is rarely wrong. If you don’t have a good feeling about him after the first date, it doesn’t usually change after several dates!
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LOL Cybersprocket, I remember your story, all seems like yesterday. your story was cracking me up huge then... hahah
i'd think the guy should pay if he does the invitation and if it's the other way round, they should go dutch.
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Space-dust, if the woman invites the man, why should they go dutch, and not let the woman pay the whole date? How about some equality here in the 21st century!! :P
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yeah that should be the case if equality really does its job. In reality, there is a compromise between the tradition and the revolution...
personally, I'll always offer to go dutch and pay my share whoever does the invite.
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lulu
18 yrs ago
cyber> I remembered that!
Most of the time i go dutch. If he wants to pay the dinner, I will pay for the drinks.
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Reese - i think you earned a free dinner, but after the late, shopping, carrying experience, i cant think if why you STAYED for dinner. :P
Maybe you punnishment for bad judgement (staying out on the date through dinner) was that you had to pay half.
Good news is that you won't make that mistake again. haha.
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Re cyber's question to reese -
If it were me, I think I wouldn't want to seem 'impolite' for leaving all of a sudden. Sometimes there're uncomfortable moments during dates, but I'd usually try to be polite and stay til the end.
I tend to convince myself that it's just the way they are, I don't like certain things they do doesn't mean it's their faults.
Nemesis - most of the time I don't know what to do with those bills. To be honest, I would like the guy to pay, not about the money but the gesture. But at the same time, I feel uneasy not to ask if they want to split the bill (by asking how much I need to pay them). It's like damned if you do, damned if you don't. If I don't ask, the guy might think I want to take advatange of them. But if they take my share, I'll take note and tell myself I may not want to go on a second date with this guy.
Dating is tough eh?!
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Charlotte - regarding reese - i understand that not every moment on every date is sheer ecstasy, but after being 45 minutes late, dragging you to grocery shopping, then making you carry things home, AND inviting you back to his flat, clearly HOPING that something romantic will happen, i think i would have reached my fill. I'm not sure that guy could ever recover from so many social blunders.
By the same token... i've felt very quickly judged in the past. I met a woman in an online dating site in the USA. We both had pictures of each other. When we agreed to meet for coffee, I was right on time. Looked around the place and didn’t see her. I waited for 20 minutes, then sms'd her and realized she was inside. She had cut her hair and was wearing glasses. I didn’t recognize her. Alas, after about 15 minute of chatting, she told me that she "had work to do" and left. It was the shortest date of my life. I actually emailed her later and asked why she bothered to lie and say "work" when she was so obviously bailing on the date. She said she was too embarrassed to tell the truth… yet not too embarrassed to run away after 15 minutes! Oh well.
As for paying the bill – I'm happy to pay the bill. But honestly, it sets a precedent. If I pay the first few bills, the expectation is that I will always pay. In a relationship, I think it should be a partnership. My preference is to alternate, I pay one, you pay one. I don’t calculate who paid more… just the feeling that we are in it together. I don’t like the feeling that I am “buying” your time or attention by paying all the bills. It’s not about the money, its about the feeling for me.
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Nem - nice to know there are non-leachy women in the world. Actually, to be honest, most of the women i have dated are quite reasonable. It's pretty rare that I feel taken advantage of in a financial way.
KuroTenshi - nothing wrong with shopping - but on a first date? when the expectation is dinner? No... no... no. Bad date. NO second date for you. On the 3rd, 4th, 5th date, ok maybe... but should be planned for, or if you have spare time, IE no plan. Hey... lets stop in a pacific place... etc.
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RD - nah, don't see the point in disclosing this guy's identity. As I said before, I posted just to share my experience (and to vent, more like it!).
I reckon he may get to read this thread too!
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CharlotteTheGirl
was he a chinese anyway? he sounds a local
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Noper. Not Chinese, that's probably why he asked me so many questions about the Chinese!
I'd never thought there would be so many responses to this thread! This is really funny!
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lol
thread of the day thx Charlotte ;D
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This is a very funny thread and there is certainly something for everyone here. I'm amazed about the endless discussions about "splitting bills". It is an awkward moment but I didn't realize it could be THAT awkward. Ha ha!!
Cybersprocket - I like your comment about "splitting bills". Dating is a means of meeting for a potential "partnership" and a woman of value, integrity and independance should not expect the man to pay the bill all the time. That shouldn't be the focus at all.
Agree that some men are "clueless" about what women wants. "Supermarket guy" is probably "King Clueless"!! Well you live and learn...
Casey - do you think men get intimidated when they are in "your turf"?
Will share bad date experience later... :)
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Nem - would hardly say my thread brought me "fame and fortune" but alas, for all of the eternally curious, you may read here:
http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/relationships/threads/73164.asp
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Haha, CS, I bet you spent a long time digging out your own thread. Thanks so much for that!
Do you or do you not have to work?
Oh I just quickly scrolled down to CS's first response. I think it's a better thead than mine! LOL!
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In reponse to some of the postings above, I actually do understand that some men (esp the ones from other countries) might take their date's share out of respect.
I appreciate that. Speaking from my personal preference, I would prefer men to pay for dinners and stuff, I would definitely pay on other occasions e.g. taxi, drinks, or I'd buy them nice birthday or Christmas pressies, or just a present when I feel like it.
Guess I must make this clear when I (if ever) manage to get into a second or third date with someone?!
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Charlotte - i know you don't want to disclose the nationality of your date, but I'm curious about you... are you HK chinese, mainland or some other flavor of asian? Did you spend time abroad? from your english and your conversation, you don't strike me as someone who spent her whole life here in HK.
Just curious!
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I was born here, lived abroad though.
The guy I dated last week was probably confused about my identity crisis....
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Charlotte - identity crisis? Care to elaborate?
Also, do you think your experiences outside HK were part of the attraction for you date? Perhaps he treated you differently than a woman who ONLY has HK expereience. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing... just thinking out loud.
I know for me, it's a plus to meet locals who have expereince in the USA or other western cournty. It often gives us more common ground in terms of how we treat each other, social customs about who pays for what, typically easier communication in English... Of course, if that were the case, then the date should have been better, not worse. Well, in the space of one paragraph, i think i have proposed and shot down my own theory.
Anyway, in my expereince, it has usually been a plus.
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I was just joking about the identity crisis.
I'm not sure whether it's my background that attracted him in the first place. But if he was, he would have focused on my experience instead? Every topic he brought up had something to do with races - which I won't name them all here.
For example, if you're on date with a Vietname girl who spent a few years in France, would you just talk about Vietnam and France THE WHOLE NIGHT?
Are you from the US, CS?
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Honestly, during the date, I felt like I was an alien, being interviewed by someone from another planet. That's how uncomfortable I felt.
I've had experience dating foreigners, it's nothing like this date.
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Charlotte - Well, it seems that you date had multiple lapses in social graces... but i wonder what he was trying to learn from you? How to score with Asian girls? Or in your case, how NOT to score!
Alas, anyone who is a decent conversationalist could find a topic other than race. And furthermore, anyone with a decent EQ would figure out that the current conversation topic wasn't going well, and would change it. But, again, seems we overestimate the social skills of your date. :) Hence, no date number two.
In answer to your question, yes, I am american. I grew up in Arizona, and lived the last 10 years in San Francisco before I came to HK.
Where did you spend your time outside HK?
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CS - I was curious enough about the other thread... it sure brought u fame. Ha ha haaa!!!
Charlotte - guy doesn't sound like he goes out dating much.. :)
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Nemesis & Rough, enough of those 'discussions'! Not that you must stick with this topic, but what's the point in getting angry over something like this? Or maybe 'angry' isn't the right word. Anyways....
CS - me not from the US. I have a nicer accent than that! (kidding!)
I guess we all have our standards, beliefs and preferences when it comes to dating and relationships. There's no right or wrong really. So long as you know what you want and you're not forcing the other party to follow you, that's fine I guess.
Hey guys, it's just a "sharing session". And it's actually nice that we all ended up sharing our own preferences, so now some men know what we women think and accept, and likewise.
Believe me, even the weirdest ones have their 'markets'!
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Casey - yes agree that it is totally unacceptable to say the "F" word with finger pointed at your face and he is very insecure. Pardon me but I was only trying to give a point of view of that perhaps he felt even more "insecure" in a restaurant in which you were surrounded with people who knew you and not to mention your popularity. Lesson to be learnt - maybe not bring a first date to a restaurant you frequent?
Just my two cents and I am no expert. :) I'm the BOOBOO master.
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Cybersprocket,
I was one of the eternally-curious and wanted to know what made you so famous..Read the thread last night from beginning to end and was just so entertained. And cross-eyed already when I was done..
Charlotte,
There are happy endings in most date stories so best to look forward to the next interesting one. And why not Cyber if he's still looking..:-)
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now Casey, lets not quote me out of context AGAIN... for those who didn't read the original thread, whil walking in IFC mall, she told a story about a guy she met who wanted to have a baby right away, and I responded by saying that I don't want to have a baby right now, but I like practising. May not have been my best joke ever, but not my worst either. Sorry for those who find it ofensive.
Maybe I'm less entertaining than I think... could relate to why I am still single. :P
on the upside, glad there are people still enjoying the story almost one year later.
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aiya... where was Casey when I was out on my date!! ;)
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hehe, this one is so funny. I can't believe it
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