secret marriage

I just found out my father's (probably) married a mainland woman. She's about 20 yrs younger than him he's in his fifties) and they recently had a child. Eeuuwww. The thing is, this was all done in great secrecy, my father never directly told my siblings and I now I know why all the late night calls and why he spends half the time in mainland - naively I used to think it was business business. How did I find out? My father invited a relative to travel up there with him then later on asked her whether she told us and she dumbly said yes. So we all indirectly know but we NEVER EVER discuss it as a family, it's a taboo subject.


Anyway so my father's set them up in a cushy apartment, the woman's sister is also living with them, bought a business but then sold it when they probably complained too much hard work (less than a year). So those women don't work. He takes secret holidays with them, spends all the important festivals/holidays/our birthdays with them and is becoming increasingly stingy with and critical of my siblings and I.


I went through all the emotions of anger, hurt, disbelief and jealousy. My father and I have always been close since my parents divorced when we were young. Also I think this woman just wants money and a better life for herself, she was smart enough to tie him down with a child, and he has applied for her to migrate to my home country, including that sister of hers, although I have no idea why. I dread to think the day that they will physically move to my home. To me, these mainland women are leeches and not welcomed. She's sure to get a split and for that brat of hers. I am angry when I think of all the times my siblings and I worked hard with our father in his businesses for no personal gain thinking it was for the family.


Any comments - how do you deal with the pain and intrusion. Unfortunately I am also not keen on the idea of a sibling who's 20 years younger than me, it's gross.

While it is understandable to feel jealous about "sharing" your father's attention with a much younger woman plus a child, please do not make harsh judgments about them unless you know first-hand that they are indeed "leeches", or have malicious intentions to abuse your father.


He has the right to find his own happiness too. There is nothing that you can do right now but to accept your father and his new family. You don't have to force yourself to like them. Respect is enough.

Thanks for all your comments and rebukes. Yes I have accepted the fact but what I really don't like is why is he supporting her whole family (my relative told me the sister and the mother also lived in the apartment). That's why I referred to them as leeches in the first place because I know they don't work. Being a housewife is absolutely fine OK since there's a kid to look after but when one marries these days, are they expected to financially suppport all the in-laws?


In reply to momo8, I don't hate China and its ppl but they can be pretty opportunistic, i.e. grab the chance when it comes around and so I guessed this woman did just that. I have no problems with them if they stayed put, there's no need to come to Aust since my father's always saying how life there is cheap. In the end, life in China must not be that attractive if they are migrating since my father spends half his time there anyhow.

Trust your instincts. If you have met her and think she's not good, then she's probably not. True, not all Chinese women are looking to move to another country, or to sap some poor old guys money. Some really just like western men, in the same way that many western men like asian women. But I've been dating Chinese women for 3 years and I can tell you, if your feelings tell you somethings wrong, then you're right. There's something wrong. Perhaps your father is too busy tapping into her, and hasn't yet tapped into his uneasy feelings about her. Best of Luck to you and your father...