Posted by
Leylia
18 yrs ago
I'm an asian expat in my mid-twenties and am blazing on in my career in Beijing. I know I'm a good person to date- good looking, blessed with brains, nice, passionate, but I'm too much of a workaholic. I know I should be out there dating all those eligible men out there, but I work late hours, on weekends and am always on business trips. I'm worried that work will turn me into a dull person yet I can't seem to tear myself from work. Yet I do need a man. Anyone in a similar situation? Can you have your cake and eat it?
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ok. i did try it a week ago and met this amazing italian man. some friends in town left early and i decided to stay on because i haven't had a night out in a while. i went up to him and spoke to him. i don't know what came over me, but i guess i was just bored to death. i've done all those restaurants on my own...fortunately there's the economist to keep me occupied. thanks though. it's good to hear from you.
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lulu
18 yrs ago
i am smart, work hard, good looking , educated, well-travelled, work in a job i like, many men like to date me. But i have do not have boyfriend (for a long time) and i got a warning letter from my female boss today, so you are not that bad.
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anyway, back to the topic. I disagree that gwailos are necessary a good catch unless one is looking to get out of China or just like the positive aspects of 'western' men (that's another topic). Companies are localising fast and there are many well-educated Chinese men out there who will make a pretty good 'catch' by local socio-economic standards.
Many of the foreign men I've seen with Chinese girls are way past their prime and would have fared worse in their home countries. Personally, I prefer men who've been educated in a Western context simply because I relate better to them. Also, sometimes I need to distance myself from my Chinese environment and having someone with an international perspective helps. And it is true that the foreign men in Beijing are spoilt for choice, and in some sense I couldn't be bothered because my time is so precious that I don't want to compromise and spend it on some skirt chaser. In some sense, I guess that explains why I'm single. It's a vicious cycle. Work--> Less social time--> diminished interaction with men--> less human and emotional contact/sex---> more time on work--> less social time...
I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that brain food and mental stimulation can only take you so far. There's a diminishing marginal utility to everything, it's a matter of your tolerance level.
Beijing men? Sure, but only if the communication works.
I think I can safely declare that I'm attracted by neither power nor money. It's the individual that matters. And that's probably the hardest thing to find out about a person when you meet individuals on a hit and go basis.
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Jigglypuff: that's a good point raisd on what sort of cake I want. At this point, I might settle for a Dunkin Donut to settle my hunger pangs. Cheap and easily available. On the other hand, maybe I need a La Duree macaroon. Pricier, limited but of quality that seeks one begging for more.
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Jigglypuff: But aren't you a female too? Or maybe I need to settle for Beard Papa cream puffs.
Aspect: The phrase I've heard is FILTH. Failed in London Try in Hongkong.
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hahahha. beijing duck. no way.
I'm not sure whether I would like men who want to feel like they are the boss. There's a fine line between manliness and male insecurity. I will worship my man but I also believe in equal relationships, and he should worship me likewise.
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Leylia,
Life balanced is the result of the choices you make in your life. Focusing too much on career leaves an imbalance in your social/ personal life and I guess this is why you are feeling like you are - lonely.
To tip the scales back into a more balanced perspective, choose to explore more about yourself and undestand clearly what you are looking for (to fill the gap you feel in your life).
With a clear mind of what you want, look towards positive initiatives that offer you opportunities to meet men/ friends that match your interests.
Heading for bars and niteclubs will of course narrow your spectrum of choices (simply people attracted to these places are not seeking intellectual conversations). On the other hand hanging out in museums and art galleries will do likewise (too intellectual and not enough physical).
The simple answer, be more focused on networking with people that share your same interests. Sports, arts, music, theatre, wine, food etc. Be more active in broadening your 'network' of friends from the perspective the more people you get to meet that share your intersts, literally the more choices of people you have to form relationships in the future.
Whether those relatioships are mutually shared intersts (e.g. a hobby), or passionate and sexual is based on your and their feelings of course.
In simple terms, meeting more people gives you more choices. Explore as many different clubs, societies, interest groups, volunteer associations, professional networking events etc etc.
But go armed with not only your biz card, take with you a personal calling card with simply your name and email address. That way your social life will be seperate from your work and career.
I suggest you avoid printing your handphone number to avoid stalkers harassing you.
Good luck
Phil
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Believe me Leilya it really isnt better in JKT. The men here are all pigs... Check website www,jakartablokm.com
If a website can be created specially for men with contracts drafted to be signed off with a LBFM is rather sad.
Asian Expat women are the worst off... well for one no one can tell the difference between us and the locals.
Really I feel men just feels threatened by women with brains, it less of a challenge to go out with a woman who will bring your slippers to you when they get back from work, someone that will not challenge their decisions even when it doesnt make any sense at all.
Believe me, You are not alone.
I know, It does get so lonely sometimes after a hard day at work, away from the family, your friends back home... someone to cuddle is a blessing. Get a hobby you can be passionate about.
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yeh too many asian women are gweilo hunters.. whether they live in Asia or other countries.
its a pathetic site at times... and definitely a case of Pinkletons syndrome.
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I dont understand this whole western male magnetisim. I go out and never, ever, ever, ever get hit on or approached by woman. I dont know what the heck I'm doing wrong. I dont think im bad looking but heres my myspace webpage with some pics. http://www.myspace.com/11723507 Any advice would be appreciated?
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Im in a club how could I be busy, what do people go to clubs to catch up on work?
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Well i would of thought I knew how it worked, but apparently not. I thought dateing was a hobby in china?
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Well I only have a 12 hour a week work load.
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and i've a > 12 hour a day work week, and i've to work on weekends too. I'm away for business (again) and this guy I like will be in Beijing next week. Unfortunately I will be unable to see him because I'll be away. A habit? I guess after living alone and away from home for several years, human company is preferable to hobbies. I'm tired of trying to entertain myself. Sometimes it is nice to just share ...
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Hi
Well if your ever in Hong Kong and have time to share a cup of coffee or tea with me?
well lets take it from there. Its no use to write here about meself. I find it better to meet and talk to each other in person. Let me know what you want to do
Hope to hear from you soon
Greetings
Anthony
anthonyvdv7 at gmail
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It's 1.30 am and I just finished working. IB hours sans the rewards. Am again out of Beijing, and I will be out of the city for the next 3 weeks. I'm comforted though that I will be heading home for the Oct hols, some nice civilised place. I can't even get decent coffee where I am now in China!
I think busy people often don't even have the time to stop and pause and make sense of what they want. Or maybe I'm speaking for myself. Work and yet wanting to do it all clouds the mind.
008: I heard Singapore is getting to be a real fun place to work and live in. Yes/No?
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Yes, Beijing has all those new coffee places etc etc. But many of them are over rated crummy places trying to pass off as bohemian cool. The problem with Beijing lies with the distance and traffic (which makes Shanghai a better place), you've all the nice places but there are scattered all over the city.
Intellectual? Maybe in terms of artists and students. I think Singapore and HK (and even SH) better in terms of business intellectual.
There's this Big Brother feel in Beijing that makes one feel uneasy.
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