Posted by
maydella
18 yrs ago
Hello out there,
I just wanna ask a question:
I am european guai lo stationed near Zhongshan in China. All of my friends from HK who work here have a second wife here apart from the one they have in HK. They are "real players" and they spend a hell of money for these ladies (buy apartments etc...)
Is having a second wife part of of the chinese culture ?
Pls some advice...
Ciao Amigos
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usex: thanks for the spelling advice . But you didn t get (?) / or try to answer the question...
jiggly: my neighbour (a HK local) just bought his 2nd wife a flat for 600k RMB...no peanuts at least for me...so I don t think this phenomena is only money related.
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dear aspect:
a guai lo don t have a gal in every city, he has a gal in every street as we all know. So pls no disgrace to minorities!
Seriously:
I didn t ask who is worser or better since there won t be a useful answer.
I just opened my eyes and saw that there is a part of the town which is full of 2nd wives sponsered by HK locals.
I heard this is part of chinese tradition or culture, therefore my question.
Pls stay to the topic...
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shaq
18 yrs ago
The last time I did a little (unscientific) survey, I realised The wife II (on the mainland) issue has nothing to do with culture, but a current trend being propelled by the lack of sexual attention or experience (coupled with the insatiable needs) on the part of most local HK ladies.
From what I've gathered most of the mainland 'chicks' are submissive and give the HK guys all the 'attention' they need in bed. True or False??? ... only those involve can tell us :D.
So 'part-takers' fill us in, pleaseeee!!
ShaQ
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shaq
18 yrs ago
JP >> NOP,
I meant HK ladies insatiable needs for MATERIAL wealth (NOT in bed).
More submissive (TO A MAN) than the local ladies (NOT in bed, but could be possible :D)?
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well OK than in comparison to thailand where it is part of the culture (thanx chang for your post)this phenomena (I call it like this because I never saw some kind of "2nd wife city" somewhere else in the world) has a practical reason.
But the place I am living here is only short distance to HK, these guys can go back to "home" whenever they want to get rid of their "pressure" with their 1st wives.
Another theory might be the they get it done better here than with their HK wives....but this is just a theory...
For me the case is closed, thanx for your comments.
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Rainy
18 yrs ago
I'm Thai and would like to correct something here.. It's not a Thai tradition to have a second wife -- mistress. In the past, just like Chinese tradition, men had wives living under the same roof -- not cheating. All the wives acknowledged each other and devided the time to spend with their husband. To have a mistress is not a tradition -- and also it's cheating..
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Rainy
18 yrs ago
chonJay - no more polygamy in Thailand tho.. illegal now.. guess once the marriage license was introduced in Thailand, your name has to be on one paper only..
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LostinHK: "aspect" s anti guai lo point of view no matter which isssue is already well known on this platform. With her logic, she is able to explain even next weeks bad weather with the existance of guai lo s. I think no one with an open-minded thinking puts an emphasis on these statements anymore.
Back to the point:
Why many married hk locals have a second wife in china? part of the culture?
Why I involve culture here? Because its an open secret among married hk wives but out of any discussion in order to keep the family peace in an "artificial" harmony and not loosing face to friends or relatives. And this aspect is based in the chinese culture and makes it easy for a man to have a second wife without getting in big trouble ever.
This might be the explanation apart from being horny.
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I feel compelled to weigh in on this topic. Conservative Christian Americans are becoming more and more polygamous (polygany). Most are very put off by the hypocracy of the serial monogamists and changing legislation toward gay marriages. Overall, I have observed this trend in Europe, U.S., and countries boarding the Med. Many Americans are visiting China for the very purpose of taking a second wife. I've heard husbands and wives talk with excitement about enlarging the family.
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dolce
17 yrs ago
For me, it's a trend more than a cutlure, maydella.
many local middle aged men or even elder ones like to have 2nd wives in China it's because in compare with their 1st wives, their 2nd wives are younger, sweet, tender..etc.
If they dont spend money on these so called wives...what's the point of these wives are still with them? Yes, part of Chinese become so rich nowadays, but there's the rest who live in the poverty!! Who likes to live in such a bad environment when you meet someone can improve your liveing situation!
it's the demand and supply theory!!
i hope i can give you a clue.
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Chinese Culture? Oh!no. Back to the real world now. Why they are not dare to tell their wives in Hong Kong if this is a real culture? I doubt this is simply some of man's nature. Of course not all men like that. I know some Chinese man very much love his wife & is faithful to his wife as well. But don't you think just some naughty man has too many hearts sometimes?
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A good old 'men-are-all-b*stards' thread, blouses heaving, knickers twisting and hair-dos all increasingly dishevelled....
Jokes aside though, I've had same experience of seeing chinese colleagues with their peasant floozies - pretty much without exception especially as they get older.
I've always connected it to money. You can usually identify the rich here by their attitude and treatment of others. The chinese rich can also do what they bloody well want as well for no other reason than their bank accounts.
Give a man the means i.e. the cash, and the chance i.e. social/peer acceptance, to do what he wants...and..like all males right across all the species, it won't be long before he's red-faced, sweating profusely and lustily chasing after everything in a skirt and tights.
It's also very much a right of passage for the up-and-coming middle managers in china. It shows that they've made it to an extent.
This entire...social epidemic (?!) is well covered up by the chinese convention of 'doing' but never speaking of it - whereas in the west, very little is 'off' the agenda. That old chinese cultural chestnut covers a multitude of sins.
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Cara tanka>
No husband/boyfriend, you say.......? Where on earth do you all hide?
But that aside, I beg to differ on one point. This second-wife phenomeon (drawing a line here between extra-martial affairs generally) IS of a cultural nature - throughout Asia. 'Rampant' in fact. Nothing comparable exists within western countries.
Apart from that, I'd broadly agree with you....even if you sound a bit rabid with all those CAPITAL LETTERS.....
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This is so funny. Often there are discussions about why western men go off with asian girls but then there's the whole other side of the coin with HK and Singaporean girls stressing over their local guys going off with mainland chinese girls. I wonder who mainland girls get the huff about?
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A discussion with my Shanghainese friends reveal that it is NOT just the local Hongkongers that take on mistresses or so-called "girlfriends" in Shanghai but just as many gweilos do it too. The difference is, in this part of the country, Chinese men outnumber Western men so they are often "seen" as the adulterers.
Almost all Chinese would disagree that it has anything to do with culture. Confucius thinking is long gone and is replaced by monogamy. That is why you do not see a married man in HK with more than one wife (as the norm).
I feel there are several reasons why people "cheat" more in this part of the world than the west:-
1) Divorce is still seen as an embarrassment to a Chinese family (even today). So perhaps they seek a "2nd wife" privately instead of a legal "2nd wife" through a divorce like they do in the West.
2) HK, being a developed nation is too close to China, an underdeveloped society, making it EASIER to seek such pleasure (for both Chinese and Western men). Try the same stunt and you'll be dunk in the West!!! In the West, the disadvantaged are still being assisted by the government so they do not need to become somebody else's mistress. The disadvantaged aren't so lucky here in China. In fact, the majority of citizens are poor so they see this "pleasure-giving" as an opportunity for a better life.
I do not agree with extra-marital affairs by ANYONE but I think I would be cautious with labelling ONLY Chinese men as adulterers or saying that it is part of their culture. I think both Western and Asian men are equally as likely to engage in such affairs, not one more than the other. Only difference is the opportunity - where one DOES have the advantage geographically over the other.
To Markuk, you are funny but spot on:-
"Give a man the means i.e. the cash, and the chance i.e. social/peer acceptance, to do what he wants...and..like all males right across all the species, it won't be long before he's red-faced, sweating profusely and lustily chasing after everything in a skirt and tights".
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Joe-GZ>
Yes, I never thought that far but, of course, there's wide acceptance among china's practically-minded wimmin for having a rich + married boyfriend. No shame in it. Still, make that a NOT RICH + married boyfriend and prolonged torture would fail to prize out such a staggering admission.
Also, rather than saying the trollopes need to be "good in bed" - i think they just have to be "in bed" (!).
GemmaW>
I do like your style. An abundance of keen observation, that, dare I say, I tend agree with.
Yes, the foreigner in China can run amok if you turn your back on him for 5 minutes, sometimes a lot less. The novelty of young women.....well...the novelty of young women...enough said...is far too much for the average middled-aged gent, used to spending his evenings contentedly watching A Question of Sport on TV.
Anyway, spot on.
I'd just say that I still treat the "Second Wife" phenomeon as both a mainly Asian affair (sorry for pun) different to extra-marital affairs in general.
Opportunity, yes, and casual affairs most definitely but far more Chinese men have "Second Wives" (with apartment, monthly allowance etc) than Western men. Perhaps I'm sticking too strictly to the Second Wives phenomenon.
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"Give a man the means i.e. the cash, and the chance i.e. social/peer acceptance, to do what he wants...and..like all males right across all the species, it won't be long before he's red-faced, sweating profusely and lustily chasing after everything in a skirt and tights".
Hmmmm...I'm not sure why I'm giving you girls useable anti-men quotes - god knows you lot have enough of your own and hardly need the assistance.
It's sad but true. You do get the odd loyal Western man now and then but not often. Even the seemingly loyal types end up having 'quiet' or perhaps more 'discreet' affairs. Funningly enough, now I think about it, such affairs ARE accepted by most other Western men. What men will happily admit to here without fear they wouldn't back home.
Oh god - I'm doing it again. No more Relationship threads for me. I'm losing friends fast.
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mjo
17 yrs ago
Cara Tanka
You're a bit of a character. You sure it's not the men that are scared? No offense of course but you can come across a teeny weeny bit...well...manic sometimes. Still, the CAPITALS are gone, that's good.
At least you sound philisophical about boydriends etc and that's a great attitude. My advice would be to grab what you can and regret not a bit of it but as that's advice from a man, you've likely already forgotton it. Under 30 as well? Success all but guaranteed.
At 38 3/4 yrs old myself, I'm starting to get impatient for that lightening bolt to strike - even the odd spot of thunder would do, nice rumble or two, I'd take that.
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