Are men making a conscious decision?

As a female student in Beijing, I've seen good male friends enter into relationships with local woman, just to complain about the nature of the relationship (i.e. cultural differences) and yet they continue to date these women time after time. I like to think that I would be a pretty good catch, and yet my chances of catching the attention of a western man here seem slim to none. To boot, I have to put up with my friends complaining about, and yet continuing to chase these women. So I guess my question is this: Are many western men making a conscious decision to date someone who is perhaps less... mature? (I don't mean to generalize, but a common complaint of my friend is that their girlfriends are immature, and that they can't hold a "grown up" conversation) What is the draw? Is it just easier to date someone like this? What does a future in China hold for someone like me in terms of relationships? Right now it's looking pretty bleak!

That's a good point, Clearminded. Now that I think about it, I could see why western women would at times put off a bad vibe. I do find that I've become a little more "closed" than I was back in Canada in terms of socializing, etc, because being too outgoing often results in being hit on relentlessly by Chinese men. This isn't to say that I wouldn't want to date a Chinese man, because I most certainly would - but when you can't walk through the subway without being hit on, it gets intimidating and I find myself "turning off". Sometimes I feel like I'm in my own kind of self imposed bubble!


And I can see why a lot of western men in asia would feel like a kid in a candy shop - and after having too much candy, they often get sick of it and go back to meat and potatoes. or something like that. that's not a very good analogy. :)

Im a western man and I prefer asian woman simply because they are far more friendly and marrige orietated, they also dont have the same sexual ihibitions that woman from the states and UK have. Finally and this might sound cruel, but most guys wouldnt be able to date the same quality of girls as far as age and physical appearence goes back in there home country. Most of the late 20 year old guys couldnt date a hot 19 year old girl that could easily be a model.


(Im in GZ)

Oh how valiant...

Im sorry i dont understadn what your asking?

I guess what these blokes are saying is simply that the way the girl looks is THE MOST important thing... i.e

the best looking chick they can find .... dont care about her personality too much so long as it doesnt interfere with his expat life too much. Many of my friends have found their long term girlfriends this way but more have just loved this 'fun time' in their lives. Sad thing is that many people can get hurt along the way. If us Expat women found the asian men as attractive then there really would be a problem.

oh one more thing...

the reason why western women 'put off bad vibes' is because most of them get trapped in this cheating circle. Plenty of western men decide to have both so we are left with a very smll percentage of men that are sincere and honest. Boooo

Vallient, I guess I didn't make myself quite clear. I suppose I am just confused by these smart, attractive, friends of mine getting trapped in relationships that they are truly not happy in. They claim to want to be able to have a conversation. They claim to not want a girl who needs to be babied. They claim to want a girl who is self-sufficient, but many of them fall back into the same trap. So I guess what I'm wondering is if many men are -consciously- in these sorts of relationships, or if they gradually find themselves with a girlfriend without really trying (I tend to see this happen with my friends)


This is particularly frustrating if I happen to be romantically interested in said "friend". I actually had one such friend tell me, "You are a woman, (my girlfriend) is a girl." As though that was supposed to explain to me why he won't date women such as myself. I guess being able to hold an intelligent conversation is a liability these days? And in case you're wondering, it's not a matter of him not being physically attracted to me.


But... this isn't just me complaining about one guy.. it's more about a trend I am seeing more and more. Maybe all I am really looking for is a bit of assurance that, yes, there are some western guys out there looking for a "good western girl".


I suppose the more I think about it though, the more I see why a lot of men wouldn't want a "woman"... I am frankly shocked by the stories my male friends tell about juggling numerous girls at the same time. If that's what it takes to have a western boyfriend around here, then I guess I'll settle for being single!


Again, I am not opposed to dating a Chinese man, but there isn't much of an incentive to actively seek such a relationship. A lot of the successful Chinese men I have met have been more focused on showing off how successful they are than trying to hold a meaningful conversation. And again, if in entering in a relationship with a Chinese man, I am expected to accept that he has multiple partners, I would rather be single.


Too bad it's like this because I really like China! I guess I'll have to go home and find a husband and come back later :)


(that's kind of a joke)

My western ex was interested in having a western girl for an entire year and a half ...until he cheated on me for a chinese 19 year old. That was pretty sad and put me right off having any type of relationship with a western man whilst abroad. Needless to say i returned to the UK efore i got too old....lol xx