It is such a PAIN to fall in love with somebody husband

Can anyone teach me how to make myself back to original and pull my leg out of this sh*t?


I fall in love and hv a v close relationship with somebody husband, we been together for 2 years. Now, it seems that he need to stop this relationship . He said (may be) his wife's friends is spying on him . But, I need to work with him everyday .

When we are together , he will phone me when he wake up . He will talk with me every night and go out together .


Now , everything and the way the voice he talk all 100% change. Why ? a man can change all the feeling within 24 hours?


Really dont understand wht is in MAN ??

I understand what you are experiencing ...only difference is I am male n fell in luv with my female boss....( who is married w 3 kids )

I am in the advertising industry ....its a stressful environment ..with long working hrs...over holidays at times....Now she is giving me a cold shoulder i asked her why ..she says cos she cant anymore as there people in the office who gossip n now even her hubby feels something is not rite...

man its so hard i do miss her .....

my wife is not with me she is in the US...i was posted to Singapore on work assignement...

if u find the answer why people change so fast n quick please let me know..shs does not pick up my calls, avoids me major time, even does not take the same lift in the building with me...

why why why

T

I just dont understand why I start this game, really hate myself. I shouldnt start it , than i wont hv this feeling . I still dont know how to fight away my loniness now.. but the worst is..i see his wife wearing such a HAPPY and JOYFUL face ..

i can understand your feeling, baguette. i have been having relationship with a married man for over 5 years. i can't see any futurn in this relationship but i m too weak to walk away. it's sad!

baguette , moiyou ....

its just as tough for a male ....sometimes we cant help it , we just fall for the person we work with .......

i watched falling in luv ( robert deniro n meryl steep) over the hols...it hit hard where it matters...

if u come to singapore let me buy u drinks

t

Baguette and SesameStreet, the two people you love have chosen their families over you, particularly the wife and her children. There is nothing you can do. I am sure they are unhappy that they met you too late in their lives. Give them peace, that is what they need.

Well, I just finished a relationship just like yours. actually not completely finished, Here are some experience I'd like to share with you.


I met him on a matching website Dec 2005, I posted myself there looking for future husband, he approached me first, after some emails and telephone calls (around 1 more month), we got to know each other more and more, one day he told me he was still in the marriage with 2 kids, 2 lovely girls at 9 yrs / 11 yrs old. and he was trying to leave his wife as it had been for many years less communication and sex life between them. I refused him, of course many times, during the first half year. I clearly told him I was looking for husband, not lover, and I felt guilty about it, but he insisted, did not give up. called me everyday. he was really sweet and I gradually changed my attitude to him and finally accepted him. He came to Shanghai last July. and we spent spended 2 weeks together. middle of July he returned to CA and I am still in Shanghai. more telephone calls across the ocean you can imagine after that. He said he would be back with me for X'mas end of the year.


But in the middle of Nov. one night he called and told me his wife may have some cancer, they were waiting for further physical check. the first thing stuck in my mind was that he was trying to leave me. I felt really.......you know my mind was in a mess, I became sleepless since then ...... Nov 25 was my birthday. no calls, no cards, no flowers. nothing from him, he broke my heart. hurt me seriously, he even refused to pick up my calls, I felt the whole world collapsed. 3 or 4 weeks later early December he started calling me again but less words. "Anyway I could talk to him that's enough for me" I thought. I tried to comfort him, tried to cheer him up, it seemed that things was getting better. I saw some hope there till X'mas holiday. He went to LA for holiday with family, same thing it happened again. no any information from him, no calls, no email. even no message to my cell phone. I finally realized I was nothing to him. why should I expect him back to me? What I am waiting for is to give him one more time to break my heart and hurt me! would I like to be his holiday lover? NO WAY!


I deleted all his email records. all his pics. all items related to him in my home, blocked his name on MSN and Skype so that he cannot see me there. I resumed connection with my old friends, went out with them. went to book stores, changed hair style, shopping, dinning out with friends. surfing online... did anything as long as it kept you busy, no time to think about him. I know it's hard at the begining, I was still trying to call him by then, but he forwarded my call to voice mailbox. Sh*t! I felt more hurt this time. I knew it's time to stop, otherwise, I would be mad. NO Man likes mad woman! Many things I can loose except my dignity!


The very thing we feel uncomfortable is not his leaving, it's the habbit he left to us. he made himself as part of our routine life. once this balance is broken. we feel hard to accept it. that's it! But once you adjust yourself to this change and get used to it ( means daily life without him ). you will find :life is back to me again.

Sorry, I did realize I wrote that much! What I mean is that the man is just playing around. the more time and love you put in it. that more hurt you will get from it later on.


We can lose many things except honour and dignity!

Guys can not trust, even they are single or married (especially married guy). Baguette and Sealiris, I am same as you both, love somebody's husband. He didn't tell me he had girlfriend and get married when I first met him, until oneday I found out he wearing the married ring when he drive me back home. I stop to see him and forget about him once I found out as it was so hurt. But he still calling me and ask me out. I am soft-hearted and start to see him again , thought we still can be friends. But finally, it doesn't work as I really like him and love him, sometimes even want him get divorce with his wife, but it's impossible as I know he love his wife. He keep seeing me because of sex and yes, I enjoy to be with him no matter sex or just see him for dinner or drink and talk, I am honest. But problems is more I see him , more I like him and love him, but nothing he can do as he married ! I start to rude to me and make him to hate me, that's the only way to make him not to see me and not to contact me again.

Baguette, I know exactly how you feel since I had the same thing before. Honestly deleting emails, phones, throw away gifts ... all these things don't help me to get over at all. And I know when I am in it, all the talks of honour and respect won't work - because when you love this guy, you scrifise all these things for him. BUT - it is clear that now it comes to a point that he starts to hurt you! The thing that really helped me to get over him is meeting my boyfriend now. My bf gives me all the care and love that helps to see the things more clearly - there are many more boys that are far much better than this a**hole! So my suggestion to you is to go out and meet new people, even if it doesn't bring you a new boy, at least you won't be hurt as much as you are now. Good luck and big hug! I think you need that.

I guess I'm too out of date, I still don't want to accept that fact that people do have affairs, loyalty means nothing now?

Hi . Mary

Do you realise that " human being always done wrong thing which they aldy know it is wrong start from the beginning...specially LOVE "

well, I think people needs to learn how to control themselves, you get into a relationship, like your situation right now for example, nobody happy, why bother??? we are not animals.

sometime is difficult to control ourselves, this is the human weakness,

Dear Baguette, I am a married woman. I would like to sympathize with you, but I find it difficult because I know a lot of women have basically offered themselves to my husband without concern for the sanctity of our marriage. Have you ever been married? Anyway, you may think that men only seek sexual relationships if they're unhappy, but I disagree. I once read that 75% of men, if approached with an offer of sex when they think there are no strings attached, will go for it. However, most men do NOT want to leave their wife. They just want to feel young, attractive and to have more sex!


Men can compartmentalize things, unlike women. Women aren't as good at cheating because I think we are closer to our feelings in general. Men, though, can have girlfriends, visit prostitutes and rationalize it more easily. They think "Yes, I sleep around, but my wife is the one I come home to and want to be with."

Sorry Baguette, but I think you must look elsewhere. When he changed, it is because he doesn't want to lose his wife. I can't imagine having an affair but if I were in your shoes, I would tell him that I hope he and his wife make things work. Then I'd be polite, but I'd avoid calling him and instead work on sorting through my feelings to avoid being angry or feeling rejected.Keep some dignity and stick to single men/women,whoever you want to date.Good luck!

Sorry notmeok, I always seem to respond after you..nothing personal, in fact I agree with you. Unfortunately, "mistresses" (to use the glamorous term) have been around for ages, and don't tend to see it from the wifes' point of view. To them, it's all play, illicit, dangerous and exciting, when the truth of the matter is that they are the 'bit' on the side. Useful for a small while, but redundant when the secret's nearly out. Both sides get fed the lies...."She doesn't understand me", "I'm going to leave her soon", "I'm no longer sleeping with her"....etc. He will always have to wait 'till the "time's right", "the kids are older" or "the wife gets over her illness". I have a good friend who has been a mistress for over 20 years! No amount of talking to her will change that....her looks have long since gone and stress has aged her considerably. His visits are down to once a month and he has younger ones in tow. I also have a good male friend with a mistress who doesn't realise her lover still sleeps with his wife and he's never going to leave her! Again, I've given up trying to talk to these people. It's their lives, but while they think they have some kind of hold or power, they're more to be pitied.

I agree. Men treat sex as sports, the more they get, the more proud they feel. But women always relate sex with love and feeling, this is the difference. So if you are not ready to play this game, you are lost from the beginning. Sorry but it is true.

I guess it's about time that all of us start to realize that in having an affair, everybody gets hurt. The wife, the cheating husband, and the mistress. Although it's true that you can use mind over matter, as human beings we can have control over ourselves, we also have to accept the fact that it's not as easy as that. Life is more complicated than you think it is.


Sex as sport for men? Of come on, you know women can see sex that way, too right? And that the mistress only wants the danger and excitement of an affair? That is so cliche. I dont think anybody who's in their right sanity, would want to share a lover. So, it's the wife's fault because no one can seduce a happily married man? Most of the time, no matter how much you give for your marriage, it's almost always not enough. People are always searching for the missing 10 percent. Is the cheating husband the one who wants to have their cake and eat it too? Not always true. Their married life is more than what we can perceive. Boredom (over familiarity and getting tired of the usual whether positive or negative) is a serious matter. If any of you (wife or husband) is bored in your relationship, you should both take it as adults and address the problem. However, not many can do that.


Mostly, affairs happen not because one pursues it. You can hear people who had been involved in such say - It just happened. I never thought I can get into this kind of situation.


I always say, relationship is all about having the same expectations. If you are a wife who just found out that your husband is cheating on you, decide firmly on what you want to happen for yourself - do you want him back or do you want him out of your life? What are your expectations? Does your expectation matches his? If you are the cheating husband, decide what you want for yourself. Do you want to keep your wife and still have romance on the side? If so, then i'd tell you to get lost! Seriously, there's nothing more disgusting than a guy who cant stand up for being just. If you want to keep your wife, then stop fooling around. If you want to have a change, be with your lover and leave your wife. Then do so. Leave her if you must. And dont allow this situation to make you a bad person. As for the mistress, decide with what you want. See if you and your lover has the same expectations. Do you see yourself seriously being with a man who already has a record of cheating with his wife? See with an open mind. If he is always giving you same broken promise for at least 1 year or if he avoids answering the question or if he doesnt want to leave his wife. There's only 2 words - MOVE ON. Dont cope with being a mistress, you deserve something better.


Again, its all about meeting expectations. Of course, black will always be black and white will always be white. Having an affair will always be in the wrong. But I think for those who havent been in the situation either as the wife, or the cheating husband, or the mistress. Try not to talk too much. Because trust me, you understand less than what you think you do.