To Rebound or Not?

So... after a completely devastating breakup, I'm starting feel alright.


I'm going out and having fun with my girlfriends and enjoying the attention I'm getting from men.


Now, I'm sort of a serial monogomist. I've never had a fling or a one night stand. I'm 30 now and I'm thinking I'd like to have a little fun.


I'm seriously considering a casual rebound fling with someone I have in mind...


I really want to know what you guys think of this... has anyone done this before? How did it make you feel? good? cheap?


Of course, I'm still in love and still in pain but it's not as noticable now ~ I feel somewhat happy. I'm not going to lie. I'd like a bit of attention and some company... are these good reasons?


PS. the guy I have in mind is interested in me but is not following me around like a lovesick puppy, so I think he's interested in something not so serious as well. I'm not looking to hurt anyone who's seriously into me.

I think it's wise to remember that whatever actions you take or don't take will have consequences. The most immediate will be your own feelings. The more long-term is the realization that HK is a VERY small place, people find out, and people talk.


What will you be able to do and still live with yourself in the morning? I understand that some people can have ONSs and feel nothing - I don't fall into that category. Like Pumpkin said, there is a very real chance you will end up feeling more empty. Also, it's easy to forget that potential partners that smell nice may still carry bacteria you want nothing to do with. Who needs more worry in their life? Finally, it may not be fun to tell a future LTR (if he asks) that you've had one or more ONSs. He may not care. Then again, he may - and he may think differently of you as a result.


I also agree that having someone "earmarked" is a definite no-no. He may have feelings for you of which you are unaware. That person will most likely know someone you know or have some relatively close degree of separation. You may both talk about it and decide it will be a fling. Are you absolutely sure he is discreet? Less chance of malicious bacterial exchange, but more chance of consequences with your reputation.


Is it possible that a little snogging will suffice? The simple physicality of having someone close can do wonders when lonely. Make sure your girlfriends don't leave without you :).


Worst case scenario from a "snog and go" is having to say to others, "Yep. We snogged. It was yummy. He's a great guy and will make a fabulous catch for someone else or for me at a different time in my life." You then have the reputation of a good kisser but not an easy lay. You've just upped his stock as well.

One thing you need to make sure, although it sounds odd, that your potential rebound will still speak to you after you leave his apartment in the morning. Otherwise, I am sorry to say, you will feel cheap and fall back into sorrow. Not that you will expect something else from him. It's just females tend to have this "being used" instinctive feeling. So either you guys have further development or at least keep the social contact.

In my experience rebound love only works if you put the stress on "love" and not on "sex" if you just have sex not to feel lonely it will leave you feeling very cheap and bad and dirty.

But if you do feel love for the person you share your bed with, you will feel nice in the morning and it might not be the first and at the same the last time you share the proverbial quilt. It is up to you to know yourself and make the right decision though.

Well i was in ur situation before, with my XBF but in the end, it aint getting anywhere so i decided to let go, then i met someone else who is awfully handsome and funny. My advice may sound shallow, but my conclusion is....dont waste your time anymore, if its not meant to be, a million tones of effort wont get paid off, no matter what

Don't care much for casual flings myself; my temperament is very much more inclined to serious and sustained relationships. But I must admit that after two wounding break-ups I've had, a no-strings affair on the side has been very healing. It's just imperative that you be honest about not being available for anything serious. Men have breakable hearts too.

Dear Joyfulone,


I m currently in a rebound mode. Broke up in November and after crying my eyes out for abt a wk, I was ready to go. I go out partying, flirted, dated, well yeah there are some that I do like but see, I can't bed anyone whom I don't have any feelings with.

Still that doesn't mean there were no "lucky" guys..well I had one...and that one only will make a BIG difference. Rebound does not mean you have to turn into a nymphomaniac!

Go out there and have some fun...good, clean fun.

"Rebound does not mean you have to turn into a nymphomaniac"

Why not!

Why not have fun and enjoy yourself. Why set limits and restrictions and deny yourself some fun, for what exactly.

Never understand the attitude sex is precious cant share it with any but the ONE, you can, and it is still just as much fun, and it takes nothing away from it when you meet the ONE. Sex without love is fun, sex with love is fun with more meaning but they are not mutually exclusive.

Wow Lagano, I am sure you're enjoying your life and are a very happy man too!


But, you satyed away from answering some questions I asked you in another thread....

Wasting your time zonked. Lagano sounds like just another alias for a well known antagoniser. Better to leave it & ignore. Plenty of genuine posters out there.