problems managing finances

I had problems in my last relationship due to the huge discrepancy in salary, i was making more than 2.5 times my partner's salary. We also had different tendancies to saving.


He always seemed to be buying things that, in my opinion, were wasteful and trivial. I wondered how we were ever going to build a life together and really resented that I was making all the sacrifices.


Eventually we broke up. But I'd still like advice incase I face this again. I wonder if others are in or have been in a similar situation. How do you discuss the sensitive topic of money, and come up with a joint spending strategy.

What worked for my sister and her partner, not married but living together for many years was:


They each contribute the same amount to 'kitty' from which they paid all living expenses, rent, utilities, food etc.


They had a joint bank account to which they contribute the same amount each month.


They each had their own bank account to use whenever, for whatever they wanted that would not come out of the 'kitty' or the joint account.


After 12 years living together they broke up. They split the remains of the 'kitty' and the joint bank account and parted amicably.

It depends on the level of your relationship. I agree with Cara-- dating couples and married/committed partnerships have varying attitudes and strategies about money.


From my own experience, when I was dating, what I did with my finances was my sole prerogative and responsibility. What he did with his was entirely up to him too.


When I married, we both had a say on how to spend/save/invest. The way we handle our finances is still evolving, but what's constant is the open communication so we avoid any form of resentment.

Dear Linx,


I had this problem as well. My girlfriend for nearly four years supported me quite a lot, and there was definitely a lot of resentment.


Finally, we split, initially sparked because of a row over financial situation and emotional support issues (on my part). But when my financial situation cleared up, the damage had been done.


All throughout our relationship I was waiting for the time when I could return the favor and support her in return, presumably while she studied. Now I have that capability, and in fact I'm supporting my current girlfriend, who earns three times less than I do. I'm paying the rent, paying for dinners, and helping her when she has bills.


I feel sad that my ex didn't stick with me long enough for me to return the favor, as I had always hoped I could.


But I feel good that I've proven to myself, at least, that I put my money where my mouth is.


The real losers here are my ex, who did spend a lot on the relationship, but couldn't put up with it long enough to have the favor returned, and myself, because I truly loved her, and our breakup devastated me.


She should have stuck by me, and we wouldn't have an issue now. She could focus on her studies, and I could support her.


So linx, sometimes, you really have to look hard and ask yourself "what if" you just try to put up with it. Don't necessarily throw away a good thing. Maybe it's just an issue of timing, and the time will come when he can return your kindness.

I totally agree that until clear talk about futures as long-term partners ensues, what each person does with money is his/her own prerogative.


As my bfd and I are becoming more serious and have begun conversations about future homes and goals, we've decided to begin by making a spreadsheet on which we keep track of everything we spend.


The purpose is to take an honest look at where the money is going from both parties so that, when the time comes to combine incomes and make solid financial goals, we can examine the figures together and decide what we can and cannot live with. We can also see what realistic savings would look like in the light of a desire to maintain our current standards of living.


The ground rules were that there is no judgement involved and no intent to spend money differently than we have been.


It's about knowing all the facts before making judgment calls. We've both acknowledged that it is an insecure feeling to "lay it all out" for the other, but I think it will serve us well in the end.


Interestingly, I still don't know his income and don't care. I assume he is living within his means and he assumes the same about me. When we begin the actual process of budgeting, that information will come out.

Thanks, DKW. I'm of the opinion that a couple can make any income work well if they are open about how they spend and realistic about their goals. I've seen couples do incredible things with very little income.