Relationships

Is there a recipe for a happy, loving, passionate and successful relationship??


Lying, cheating, kids/no kids, causing pain.... there is so much happening, and you read it/find yourself in the middle of it, all the time. So what do you do to have a great relationship and have it for keeps too?


Passion, good sex, frienship, intellectually compatible, being in love.... a mix of all this or one over the other??


It's kind of getting more and more complex.... One would say ''be yourself''. But is that enough? Answer is no.


What are your ideas?

Hi Zonked,

was just rewinding my very happy 13 years relationship but could not think of our recipe ! In fact our love has been and is increasing year by year. In my opinion we respect and enjoy each other like we are. I think tolerance should be part of the recipe. What also came to my mind in this respect is "arranged marriages", i.e. like in India. We might think this is completely unacceptable but these "relationships" do work in other society's and I am really respecting this a lot, even I would not do so. However, back to the recipe, it depends also on ones values in life. As far as our busy world is concerned, my general suggestion would be to just be natural, back to the roots, and do not always EXPECT sth. from others. Dear all the best, Pino

Hi Zonked I often wonder with all the media we are bombarded with about relationships are our expectations too high??? I asked my parents and aunty who have both been married over 40 years and they simply said "We never had high expectations back when we married, we were happy to have a roof over our head and a husband that wasnt a drinker"

Yes bwitched, things were kind of simple back then.

But both the sides did not have expetations. It wasn't as if only the wife did not expect much, even the husbands had simpler demands. They didn't expect everything I mentioned above.


Our demands have increased. But that is part of evolution. We can't go back to those times to find satisfactory relationships now. We live in today and we have to adjust to this media driven world.


But even today, it is the adjusting and compromising types who are able to have long lasting relationships. But my point is, are they as loving too??


Pinolino -- you talk of love having increased with each passing year. But is it passionate love or just love?? We feel love, deep love, for so many people but that isn't what a relationship can live on forever. Maybe you're the lucky one if you and your partner even feel the passion after this long. The feeling of being in love.

that's stunning JC, heard a little about the mentioned "3 kinds of love" but great thanks for the lively and practical view.


People living in these fast moving world and everything comes far easier than before, like food, transportation or techonology, we all would expect more enjoyment and least pain or effort as we've been enjoying from most of the stuffs. Most of people would like to stay at "Eros" stage and hope it lasts forever and that's the love people after. While I do believe the butterflies would fade but develope a stronger bond and solid relationship, that's love too and the process of getting from Eros to agape would be lot of effort to make, up hills or down hills, laughters and tears but it's the whole package of life experience to enjoy with.. my own view is, a partner with similar value would make it to start the ride...

Sorry JC, I do not agree with you on this. All these fundas and books are written to console people; people who have that spark missing in life, whether it is 5yrs or 15yrs into a relationship. In reality the basic instincts do matter all your healthy life.


It is something like a mother's love for her children. You can't change it, you can't develop parallel theories for it. So then why for passionate love between a man and a woman?? Probably with the modernaization and different distracting factors in women's lives, probably very soon we'll have books on how one should look differently at maternal love too!!


Yes, different stages have different needs but that does not mean that the erotic love and passion has to die. In real life, when you come across happy and bright people in marriages that have lasted a long time, there is one thing common -- PASSION. Passion for eachother, not just sexually but to share different aspects of life which definitely lead to great sex.


When you have kids -- If both are equally into them, and do and enjoy chores together for them, that itself can be very erotic. It is finding pleasure in doing things together. And that does lead to passion and sex. It is but obvious. So I don't think eros takes a back seat with the coming of kids. Unfortunately for many it happens so because one partner does not understand the other partners passion for kids! But that is the point -- if you're in love, you just love everything about the other person!


I had attended a relationship seminar last year and the guy who conducted it, who is a famous relationship coach, talked about his own marriage of 30 years and kids and stuff. And he endorsed that passion and good sex is always important. At every stage. He told about how his wife recently, now in 50s actually got a Brazilian done to surprise him after he came home from one of his trips. So one has to keep that flame alive.


And mind you, it isn't an effort if you really love your partner. That is what he said when some women shot up saying ''oh, so we have make an effort to keep our guys attracted to us?" And I agree, nothing is an effort if you love your guy/gal passionately and ''feel in love'' with him/her! Because then you want to do it for the ''us'' in the relationship.


One really doesn't have to go through the Philos stage. There can never be too much familiarity between a man and woman to become brother and sister. Husband-wife can NEVER be brother-sister. Period. If they become that, that's the end of marriage/partnership!

"...it isn't an effort if you really love your partner."


This cannot be stressed enough.


IT ISN'T AN EFFORT IF YOU TRULY LOVE YOUR PARTNER!!! :)