Posted by
zonked
18 yrs ago
If people have kids they don't just talk about them??!!
That said, the problem seems deeper than just that you don't want to socialise with his friends. You're probably two very different people -- he's outgoing and friendly and you're private and reserved.
It is great to socialise with eachother's friends, otherwise! I think it enhances your bond and intimacy.
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But i thought difference is the spice of life...
Yes, I used to believe in it too. My very first relationship, the only guy I married, was actually based more on that concept. But, over time I have come to realise it is better to have someone similar to you.
There is better understanding and more enjoyment, and more things to do together, which translates to that many increased number of things we can get pleasure from together! Doesn't that make better sense -- to have more togetherness and actually enjoy it too?
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Hi Zelda,
You should consider yourself very lucky and pleased as your partner wanted very much to include you in his life and his outings with his friends. My ex bfriend hid me from his friends. When we happened to meet one of his friends, he would introduce me as his friend not his gfriend.
Maybe both of you should consider going counselling.
Cheers :-)
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Zelda, you could have been me writing this. To be honest, it's caused more than one argument between us. I'm married but we don't have kids. I have a big group of my own friends who, between work and other commitments, I don't see often enough. I find his group of friends in HK very pretentious, tedious and boring. The wives don't work, not that I have anything against stay-at-home moms but these are the kind of women who have 2 helpers per child and can only talk about their latest diamond bracelet and husband's latest bonus... One of them had no idea who was prime minister in her home country! I find this shocking but equally, I know they find me boring and our senses of humour don't gel at all. We're just different people.
We compromise by seeing our friends separately unless there is an important event like a birthday party or something that I am expected to attend.
Life's too short to spend with people you don't like. But you shouldn't let them come between you either.
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You see that's the point. In HK we are all so busy that we already have so little time to spend with each other. I can see why some people would like to have a little more time with their partner while at the same time they can see their friends and maintain other relationships.
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esque
18 yrs ago
Do you ever worry that by sticking to the same group of friends you've always had, who are so similar to you, same sense of humour etc, you might be stagnating a little? Just a thought, perhaps it's not the case.
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My husband seldom wants to socialize with my friends too not because he doesn't have anything in common with them or doesn't like them. I know he's tired from work and understand that he would rather plop on the couch and watch dvd with me or read a book.
I don't pressure him to go if he doesn't feel like it, but it would be nice if he can exert some effort once in a while.
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To me it is not a problem to socialise with anyone, even though I have a pretty socialising job during the day time, but if my GF asks me to go out with her to see some of her friends I will seldomly decline, not that I think all of her friends are that great to talk to, but it is better to socialise with them then to hang in front of the TV all by myself.
If she doesn't want me to join her, she just doesn't ask, we get along pretty fine.
Another aspect is of course that if you never meet her friends you never know when they might come in handy, business or socially wise...
And sometimes they are of great value to just get another perspective on her, if you are having trouble understanding certain aspects of her, or are having a down in the relationship it helps to talk to other people who actually know her.
The same goes for her and meeting my friends even though she does take a tougher stand on who we are going to see and why, some people she says she just can't stand, when I go see them I usually don't invite her to go along, just to avoid getting into arguments about them afterwards.
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I have found a happy solution to socializing with my partner. We try to socialize with each others friends at larger gatherings where there are a mix of other couples and single people as well! We try not to make it an exclusive set of couples since I've never had much in common with my husband's friends wives/girlfriends. If found that there was way too much pressure for me to get along with these ladies. They are nice but I just don't click with them.
I'm a well travelled business ownder so often I had a lot more to chat about with the guys in the group than the women who are mostly non career types.
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