Posted by
annebin
18 yrs ago
I think your issue is not one of being engaged first before living in together. You want your own space, and it's an absolutely rational reason for not wanting to live in together 24/7. But is this the ONLY reason?
I know it's not practical, but will you be open to doing a "trial" live-in for 2 weeks and see how you both feel about it after?
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Are you sure you are both on the same track?
You seem to want to take it to the next step, i.e. living together and engagement as a prelude to marriage. He seems to want just the living together part as a means to an end - although this might not be the case as your posting was fairly brief.
Have you discussed marriage? If marriage is something you want and he doesn't, it's best to get this out in the open before he calls the movers.
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There is a contradiction:
"He really wants to because he wants to marry me but before that he wants to make sure if we can live together first."
If he doesn't know the latter after going out with you for 3.5 years, how much longer does he need?
Then there is your contradiction. You seem to want the "legimacy" of an engagement, although you seem not to want to necessarily settle down... yet.
You could end up like a couple I know who have been engaged for fourteen years.
First, you need to decide whether you want to settle down.
Then you need to decide why you need to be engaged before moving in together.
When you need to learn why he is reluctant to make a commitment without a "free trial offer".
BTW, have you drafted a cohabitation agreement?
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"maybe im just not ready to live with anyone yet"
It does sound that way.
"Or im just too worried that we may end up hating each other."
Welcome to the world of relationships.
It seems you still have some growing (not growing up) to do. Perhaps, deep in your heart, you wonder whether he is "the one". Perhaps you are concerned about having "wasted" the past 3.5 years if it doesn't lead to marriage.
Marriage, kids, a lifetime together are things which cannot be entered into just because you are afraid - afraid of any or many things - to say no.
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If you think (and I think so too) you are not ready yet to live together with him, then don't do it. But, when will you be ready? You are both together for 3,5 years and he stays over for 3-4 days a week !!? I think it is fair from him to ask to live together now, isn't it? But why did you combine this relatively easy issue with an engagement? That would "shock" me too...You are not sure to trust a marriage but want to get engaged? I can understand your bf is confused...At this moment the "disaster" is programmed to happen by you. Be happy, your bf takes you serious after such years and wants to go a step further. He loves you !
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Be honest to him tonight and tell him your "fears", your mom and dad etc. Then he will understand you better and both of you will have a good time together. Let us know !
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Hi insane-
So did you end up moving in eventually?
I there such a thing as 'how soon can we move in together'? Or it doesnt matter, so long as you are both comfortable about it?
My lease is expiring in a couple of months. And his 2 months after that. I wouldn't say I'm without doubts but he has been asking me several times and I'm beginning to see that it's not such a bad idea.
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