Husband's travelling too much??

there isn't much you can do about your husband's travelling, IF it is an integral part of his work and he has no choice.


the problem is that circumstances have changed since you got married - from 30% to 80% travelling - so, until your husband is able to change his job, you can try and change the things which are in your control, to at least ease the situation.


i know it's not easy to have a car in singapore but surely you can afford take on a full time nanny or helper? you do need some relief from stress, and time for yourself and with your friends. your son will probably be happier too if mommy is less stressed out.


you say that your husband is working hard for a nice early retirement...the problem is that life is ongoing NOW, and it is worth improving the quality of your lives today whilst you are on the road to that early retirement.


can you at least transfer your son to a day care center nearer to your office, since there is no benefit to having it near your husband's office?


i guess what i'm saying is that you need to be flexible, proactive and creative to work around the challenges.

It's quite common for the travel percentage to change with a company, no matter what's been 'promised'. At the end of the day, you don't have many options, it's basically a case of getting used to it, definitely hiring a helper (even if it's just to babysit so that you can go out with friends) and making the best of the situation. In my husbands case, my complaining to him didn't help the situation, and actually made him more stressed and depressed about it, culminating in him saying "Fine, I'll quit then!". I fully understand that nobody envisions rearing their kids single-handedly, but if you fully make use of the time he IS home, and lose some of the resentment, it does get easier. I actually found that regular dates with women in a similar situation was a great way to let off steam and have a laugh. Invite another lone Mum and kid/s over midweek for dinner and break up the routine - anything to get away from the feeling that you're in this alone. Once you feel confident in your own abilities, and not put upon, it will get easier. Remember too, won't be forever........

Hello all,


my 2 cents. I am in a similar boat to ecw122. We have a 6 month old baby and both of us work full-time. Luckily we have a helper that takes care of our little one whilst I am at work but she leaves once I get back from the office and I am pretty much home alone with the babe for the rest of the night. My partner set-up an office in China about 9 months ago and was travelling back and forth every other week. In the past few months the travel has stepped up to Mon-Fri every week. We basically have the weekend together until he is back to China again.


I also felt like I had been abandoned and that I was doing the lions share of the family care. When he would get back from the weekend we would end up rowing even though I had missed him all week and wanted him home. It was terrible and we went through this phase for about 2 months.


Now we have turned a corner things are much better between us. He still travels the same amount but we have both made some changes in our attitude towards each other and the way we spend time together. He now appreciates that I also have a demanding job with long hours and that I am knackered at the end of the week - he helps me by letting me have a much needed lie-in on the weekend. I realise that he is working hard, living out a suitcase and missing us both terribley - I help him by not giving him a hard time when he gets home.


For us the situation is temporary. Within the next 3 months we will move the family up to China and alternate between our HK and China home. This will mean big changes for all of us but we have a plan that we are both working towards. That is the key, we are both working towards the same goal instead of against each other. I now feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and am really excited about the plans we are making. Needless to say the bickering has stopped.


I would suggest hanging in there until the HK move comes up. Keep the dialogue open between you and hubby. I know it's tough not to speak your mind especially when you have had a sh*t week at work and your little boy is missing his Dad but try not to be antagonistic. I found sitting on the sofa with a bottle of wine and having a good talk really helped for us. We do this every week when he gets home and it helps to clear the air and catch up on what has happened during the week.


Good luck.

I hope everything works out for you guys Vulvic. Well said, as always! :)

Thanks guys.


I'll be honest, it wasn't easy for a while but life is quite exciting for us now. For us the possibilities are endless in terms of work and homelife. This is the attitude I want to maintain as it takes far too much energy being negative.


Another thing that has really worked for me is getting myself back out there. Although it's tempting to head home and veg on the sofa after work, I make at least one dinner/drinks date during the week whilst my partner is away. I also go to the gym 2 nights a week - great mood enhancer for me although red wine works just as well.


Anyhoo, I am back, if intermittantly!

welcome back Vulvic!

Thanks Balzac! Didn't realise I'd been gone that long but actually it's prolly about 6 months!