trying to move on

I was in a relationship for 6+ years with my ex-bf. We broke up half a year ago and I still miss him. One night when I was really depressed, I couldn;t sleep and stayed up all night so I could call him in the morning and not disturb his sleep.

We had a long conversation. I felt he had become more distant. I asked if we had a chance to get back together again and he said he doesn't think so. I asked if he found someone else and he said no. Curiousity got the better of me and I checked his email. In there I saw the picture of him and his new gf. I am not proud of this and I know I shouldn't have invaded his privacy but I felt he was lying to me. In the emails I saw that since Dec, he was already going out with her. I suspect they were already going out before that. In any case, I was really hurt he lied. I guess he doesn't have to tell me the truth anymore but when we broke up we promised each other that we will tell each other if we find someone else. I really regret letting him go. I miss him and still love him and can't bear the thought of him being with someone else. I don't know if I'm feeling so miserable because I lost him to someone else or was it coz perhaps I lost "the one". We had problems, mainly parental objections and we couldn't compromise on certain things (I came to HK so we could have a chance to progress but he didn't like HK. He didn't manange to find a job he wanted so he didn't come over.) When we broke up, he told me he didn't think the long distance relationship could work anymore. Especially since I didn't want to go to his country to live and he didn't like mine and HK was not working out for him.

Are men heartless and cold after they breakup with someone? Why? The only reason I let the relationship go was because I thought it would be better for us in the long run and that he would be happier without all that pressure. But now I can't truly be happy for him coz I really want him for myself.

I want to be happy and I need to move on. I just wish someone could tell me how. I've tried so many things but I think of him constantly after we broke up and cry myself to sleep on many nights. I'm so tired of being depressed. I'm calling out for help. Whoever has had a similar experience before, please help me. I want to be happy. Now that I know he has a new gf, I certainly don't want to be the sad, needy, depressed ex. I certainly don't want him to think he was lucky the relationship ended! I want to be able to congratulate him and feel truly happy for him when he finally tells me he found someone. else.

tryingtobehappy, you are in the middle of the worst part of having a relationship end prematurely. it hurts all the more if you were not the one who ended it.


all people - not just men - who end a relationship before their partner was ready, may seem "heartless and cold" after the break-up. they are not - they simply no longer have feelings or emotions for their ex.


time - and going cold turkey (this means ZERO contact with your ex) - are your best options at the moment. you may or may not be clinically depressed - only a professional can tell you that, so do go in for evaluation or counselling if you think it will help.


you will just have to pick yourself up and move on. you do seem to have a shred of pride left, and that's a GOOD thing ("I certainly don't want to be the sad, needy, depressed ex. I certainly don't want him to think he was lucky the relationship ended!"). so channel that pride into getting fit, taking up a new sport, volunteering, teaching, studying...any activity that takes focus and concentration, which other people rely on you to complete, whose accomplishment will build your self-esteem.


and please banish all thoughts of being "able to congratulate him and feel truly happy for him etc" - utter baloney. it's just an excuse to keep in touch with him, and in any case this should not be your goal. your goal is to get happy again, for yourself and by yourself.


dry your tears and don't lose another moment's sleep. best of luck.

Tryingto be happy, Im gonna tell you the sad sorry truth about us men and break ups. We dont want to be friends after we break up. It hurts or causes mixed up feelings and we prefer just to clean break and move on or away. Maybe if a relationship runs its course and we dedcide mutually that we are going to move on it is different, but a break should be a clean one. You've heard the term a "Clean break" thats what it means.


Time might let him want to be friends again but probably not. If you see him a few years later he might hug you and chat about old times etc but then he will go away and not call you back.


If you accept that and try to move on it will be better for you. You really dont need to know whats going on in his social life. It will only hurt you to delve into that stuff.


It takes time to get over someone you are really into but going out and doing things and socializing will help even if it seems you cant get yourself into it. Just make yourself go out and talk to people and meet people, hang out with your friends.


Good luck.

tryingtobehappy...


Guess no amount of words and advice would make you feel better... Been through what you are going through now & still on road to recovery...


To sink deeper or get the hell out of it... really depends on your willpower... give yourself some time though...


Quite agree with Sasquatch... when they say they don't want... they probably mean their words... No reason is good enough for us... I guess...


Do take good care for you deserve some1 better...