here is a Chinese SIMPLE AND COMPLICATED GIRL
when she was still a teenager she thought no one unserstand her and she though she is so diffrent from the other contry girls,she thought she can go far from that small place, she is not belong to there"that small contry" and she always though when the day she was born there somewhere mustbe someone that they CREATED for eachother
watting for and losing in love,
but she dosent kown what is love
always ask herself and her friend what is love,
she is so admire that when the other told her their hearts beatting fast for someone the feelling that she never had, she think maby that is love,
At her twenty years old she started to like someone secreat for almost 4years that the boy dosent konw untill now , he is her classmate and very good frend , The boy is very proud,for he is model, tall and handsome as she always think like that untill now no one can compare with him, when the first time he came to the classroom, and sit behinde her, from that moment she decide to to anything to make a trik to that proud boy, at last she won, he have to and willing to do anything her asked him to do, BUT She komws that clearly she is only like the boy but never like him like a man
For she is alway thought her MR Right is very diffrent, she can realize even from the first sight, komws that HE is hers,
later she left the cllege for better University in BEIJING, at her compus life she is not a good student as she always do , She gone to climbing to Frengrance Hills at the weekend even classday as she like, and play pingpangball in the cumpus with the retired professor and play and talk with them , they all love to tought and tall with her , she is also feel ease being with them,,,
AT this this she is still refuse to wear bra , only wear sports under wear for she was felling so shy when that made her breast look big ,,never talk about the boy and girls relationship with friend or roomate,,,
Her boy classmate try to close to her but she look down any of them, for in her hear every boy should be tall and handsome like him(SHE KONS THAT NOT RIGHT NOW)
AT the May of 2005, one day she is sitting under the tree of the sport's court with the pencial and note book in hand in the compus, she is drawing of the playing student in the court, there a foregin student walking towards her,tall and hansome, black T-Shirt, dark green pants, her head,maroon hair and and deep brown eyes, right the moment she lowered her head, the student say hello to him, and she raise her head again look strigh to the student;s eyes , their gaze at each others eye, and she turn to her back, there is also a foregin student do excersise behind her,for she thought he was just say hello the student behind her, She is so stupid she is feeling shy and lowered her head again, and then he walk away from her and the orther boy girls say hello to him, she feeled so upset sitting there anymore, and left,,,,,,
FROM that time whenever they meet each other in the compus they staring at each other;s eye form long distance if they can see each other untill they pass from ,,,even in the caliginous moon light but they nver speak one words "no, its she nerspeak one word to him"
this the only thing that made her regrettttttt
when the time she was decided to speak up to him and she didit see him anymore,,,,,,,
about months later she heared her roomate talk about the Japan girl who is 18years old is till a virgin is a shame, ,,but time she is alreday more than 24s , think to quit her virginity so that she will be think and act as an adult
that inpulsive mistake , for she can not be a virgin till 30years or more, that is would be a great shame
( relly the inpulsive mistake she make ever, but never regret for what have happened)
there a her classmate,apera her sight at such time, that is her fist time, though her boday not a virgin anymore but her heart and soul is ,,,,
later she left so good universty when not graduat which many high school stdunt want to in,,,with out telling him
SHE think she is mature enough to go outside the world working and life by herself ,,she choose one city which her good friend in,,,and then started life there ,,,,,
HER got the first job AND all is going well as her wish, that job ,which one person she konw only few times gave her the recmadation, working for months late at the National Day Holiday , she gone to claimbing , riding in the montain , when goingdown so fast and fall over , hurt her keel waist and arm and face seriously, she was very scare of lost her beauty but that is happened to her, she is really so brave and strong to undertook that.she was so depressing why why that happen to her such a kind girl .... she hire someone cook for her AND started to use computer a lot after work , she dislike computor, that is mystery for her like matt, one day her want to go out to meet her teacher she gave her the ASIANXPAT ,said; you cam find a better teacher at ,,,.com , and she just to open the page see if there any ,,,
SHE saw some massages that they writen, and she replied them voluntaryly, later her self forgot she replied her msn to some person
at this time there came a man from ASIANXPAT add her MSN list , the firt time is really a nice talk betwen them. she was feeling so close when talked to him. so she want him being as her brother for she want a brother when she was young see the other girl had, but the man refused
AT the fouth day after they chat the man was surposed to see her , to go to hospital for her triment, but he was busy at his work and arrived at almost 11 pm, SO he sleep in her bed, she said she go to sleep in the livingroom sofa, he said he sleep in the sofa, at last the both sleep in her bed with one cover, but two pillow bettwen them...the next day, they wake up almost at the same time ,staring at each other and kiss......he stay for two night,,, she is a play girl they ticle each other, go to down town sharing joks and hand in hand in the street i didnt feel shame being walked with short man this time,feelling so relexed and ease as like i being with myself ......that is the first time feelling like this ,,,,i OPEN the DOOR to my heart to him which never to orther man before even the boy i like for four years
that is the FEELING I LONG TO FELL, SO STRENGE,,,,
TO night he left , days late he told me to back to the other city which he live for years , we massage not everyday like we didnt meet before, before he left i ask him if i can call him and he replied yes , when he was in shamghai we massage sometime i want to call him for i want to hear his voice ,that is so strange from the phone, at the start he picked up, we just speak few words he said its expensive to pick up for his card is not of shanghai, one time i call him he said "is anythin important?" later i called him just want to tell him "i will not call you anymore" after many times called but he didnt pick the phone,and then power off , i cried a lot,,,and i promise myself not call him anymore and not pick up his phone.
later we chat by MSN i didnt metion that,,he said he will come to GUANHZHOU to see me during chinese new year, but he didnt,in the mornning of the new years day he called me when the phone off, when i power on, he send me massage, he wished me happy new year and hope i, in my hometown, and im not happy with that , till the seconday night , i sent him thanks ,and wish him happy new year too,
when i travel back from montain area he called me again and said "he is being with him parent in BEIJING and he said he he called me when the time he is in HONKONG picking up his parents, and hope i can go to hokong to see him, but i may that maybe not ture, he said he wish i can in my hometown.." i tell me he will come to guangzhou to see me at tenth of this month,,,
he said "he want to make love with me , if his name is on my lips if i masturbate" dose hr want me only for sex? when we were together he is so bussy always the calling for him... when he pick up the phone he said that BMW girl calling made his heart beating fast when the phone bell rung...my heart never beatting fast for someone ,dose that real mean love some?
these week he didnt send me masage ,,, i dont kown if i was played with ?
HE is not my type but i like the feelling being with him, i konw i like him i really like, and told him that , i also told him that i love him as my boy,,,i told him YOU WORK OR PLAY, JUST REMENBER EALN IS ALWAYS HERE, i dont kown if he really serious about mr and really dont konw i love him or not ,,,,
if i kown he dong love me and i will change the felling for him for i kown if the person is the GOD created for me he will love me only, if he id not then he is not my love, should ask him if he love me?
what i want is simple, dont want to waste to much time think about this, these days this torturing me alot ,what should i do i really confuse about this ?
if i kown he is not love me and i can still be his friend and when he need he can still share sorrow with me , for i kown he is a kind person, he is INDIAN but i never though him as a foregin since the first time we talk to each other , some time i feel im dreamming , shall i tell him derectly or wait till the 10th of this month, im so senstive and grassive , i can sense that if he is telling a lie, im fell hurt or sad if i kown he is lying or tell me he like me and love someone else more and i will stop, im afrid i do not trust him any more if he continiu speak unture,,(we havent make love yet) what i can do , need your advice??????????????
thanks for your reading ,and excuse for my poor english