Posted by
dressedup
17 yrs ago
Would anyone recommend asking a guy you've broken up with back? I initiated the breakup because the man I was going out with spends more time at work than with me and after a year I was made to feel like I'm secondary to many things in his life. It made a lot of sense to end things with him then even though it wouldn't be what I would do if I had a choice. Now I'm missing him a lot and haven't met anyone else with whom I have the kind of connection as I had with him.
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Depends on if things have changed. If he's still a workaholic and not putting you or the relationship as a priority, then getting back together is a bad idea. You will still feel unimportant after the initial good vibes of being together again have worn off. If you're serious about being with him, then get in touch with him and see if he feels the same. If he's serious about being with you too, then he will make the necessary changes. If he says he's serious, but can't put anything into action to prove it, then you know getting back together will not change anything and you will just end up breaking up again for the same reasons. Good luck.
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I'm with kaileyB... I've done the getting back together thing and it was seriously the worst decision of my life.... i ended up ruining another year (and more) of my life, spent with someone I should have known was not right for me.... the key to it working this time round compared to last time is both of you addressing fully what went wrong last time.
I don't know many ex-workaholics that have changed.... if any....
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Sounds to me like you arent really looking at him as your first choice but as your only choice. It would be a shame to be him if that is the case. Whats the saying? You dont know what you have till you lose it? Well, seems to me that in your case, you didnt know what you had until you had dumped it and spent a whole year trying to see if the grass really was greener on the other side.
Maybe this is your most valuable life lesson. If you want something, like say, more time with your man, then thats what you want. I mean, unless he has quit his last job and got a part time, even if you manage to make your way back into his life, nothing will have changed...how happy do you think that will make you? Knowing you are settling for something you had actively decided not to settle for in the past?
If you made a decision that you wanted out and then went ahead and dumped your guy...you were sure of that decision then.
My question is, are you sure you really think its the best decision to want him back solely because you havent found anyone else to replace him?
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To Justin Credible, actually it wasn't that I thought of my ex only because I couldn't find anyone else after him. I never wanted to part ways with him but was forced to because of his actions and he never stopped me from breaking up with him. It was almost like he subtly chose work over me when I told him of my decision. I went out and met other guys to try and find someone who would take me more seriously. It's just that I would compare and find that I haven't met anyone whom I could connect on the same level as I could with the ex.
I don't think asking someone back is the best option ever though it seemed to be an option that I have been thinking about.
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Flashback, you're right. He likes the way he is and that was why he didn't stop me repeatedly (he did try initially) or try to sway my decision. It makes a lot of sense reading what you guys put in words than just thinking I know the logic. If he really wants to be with me or realizes that he wants me in his life, he would have asked me back. He might have gotten on rather well without me or even relieved to have been rid of someone he feels he has to "choose" between work and her. I used to feel all I wanted was a bit more attention, not that I wanted to tear him away from his work, but I guess it all boils down to different expectations.
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I think the important thing is taking ownership of your life decisions...its a crucial step. I mean, the simple "he forced me to" or "his actions" forced you to dump him or "he didnt stop" you...well...you dumped him. Did you do it so he would stop you? Did he really force you to? You made that decision, so just take ownership of it and not feel guilty about it. We all have free will and choice...granted sometimes it may not seem that way, but we do.
Checking the pulse on this former relationship of yours, it doesnt look like something too healthy anyhooo. Chin up and like flashback said, maybe talk it out with someone who can give you some insight.
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