unhappy 1st pregnancy

Does anyone have experience with a similar situation?


I'm 30weeks pregnant & unhappy. My husband is VERY unsupportive & verbally abusive. I understand that he's dealing with his dying father. But I just need to be spoiled once in a while. I cry at least 2x/week because of my husband.


When my mum was pregnant with me, she was unhappy too, my dad lost all of his properties because of gambling & became abusive.


I'm a very unhappy & fake person since I was young. Everyone sees me as a popular nice sweet girl with a great life & personality, but actually I have lots of angers & feeling of revenges towards everyone with no reason, despite the fact that my parents have been great & given me everything I need ever since I was born.


My concern is, will this happen to my baby too? I know that lots of stressed pregnant mums deliver healthy baby, but do they really know what's going on inside their kids' minds?


I really dont want my baby to be like me..


Thanks everyone

It is very important to be happy during your pregnancy.

It is medically proven that being happy during pregnancy ensures a secure and happy kid.


You need to look after yourself and enjoy your pregnancy. The father should take care of you but if he is not, then do it on your own.


Btw, the bonding with the father too begins during pregnancy. So if he sees a future with his kid, he should spend time with you and the baby.


Good luck!

you poor girl. Big hugs to you! Yes-you should try to be happy or at least keep away from stress triggers during your pregnancy. I am more concerned about the environment after the baby is born.

Has your husband always been verbally abusive, or has it just been since his father has been sick and during the pregnancy?

There are some things you have to consider here...if he has only been abusive while his father has been sick, then you can probably put it down to the fact that he is really hurting and that is his way of handling his anger. Now, I know it doesn't seem fair on you, however there could be a whole lot of things whirling around in his mind, even to the extent that he is unhappy that his father may never meet his grandchild. Have your parents passed yet?? If so, then you can relate to his hurt...if not then perhaps just try to put yourself in his shoes for 5 minutes....sometimes I think about what it will be like when my own parents aren't in the world anymore, and just that brings tears to my eyes...it's probably unbearable for him.

However, on the other hand, if he was abusive before the pregnancy and his father's illness, then you should be more concerned with your safety and the child's safety after the birth. If this is the case you could try various thing:

1) Try to talk to him about how you feel (however it's probably not a good time for him to be roped into a deep and meaningful)

2) Really try to show affection towards him, go out of your way to show your love, invite him to lie with you and rub your stomach or something - this may settle him a bit.

3) If all else really does fail, then wait to see how things progess with him for a bit after the birth, and if things don't change, make sure you have a really good girlfriend on the other end of the phone that you can call and perhaps even stay with for a while.

Good luck!

My tears drops down while i was reading Justin Credible's post.My dad just passed away.I was totally bitchy to my boyfriend in the whole time.Your hubby didn't take it all out on you,he just didn't spoil you as much as you need.This is the time that you should show your hubby how much you can give in this relationship.If you can handle it well.Afterwards Im sure he will realise he is so lucky to have a wife like you.

Dont beat yourself up so. for sure we all have our problems, and this may sound a little preachy - but thats just because life gets lost in translation when your sat at a pc - chin up - life can often be a self fulfilling prophecy. I know for sure that if I want to be down about something I can be - and I'm good at it too. pulling myself out of it is harder.


Think practically now though, you're in a situation you want to get out of, and you can. things wont always seem this bleak. think of some things that you can do for yourself to cheer up. exercise, healthy eating, see some friends, watch friends on dvd - sometimes it really is the small things. remember why you fell in love with your husband and try to find that somewhere.


dont be hard on yourself though, everyone gets down from time to time. if you guys just take it on your stride and realise that life isnt always the waltons - you'll get through this.

Somerset, someone has asked if your husband was unsupportive and abusive before you were pregnant, or before his father was dying ... if that's the case then I think you have every right to feel the way you do. However, if it's only been since his father was dying, then you really do have to be strong for him. To lose a parent or a child must be the hardest thing in the world and your husband is going through that right now. He needs your love and support. Yes, you are pregnant and it should be a happy time for both of you, but just think how you would feel if it was your father or mother who was dying ... would you want support from your husband? Of course you would.


You need to have some 'Me' time with your own friends or family ... pamper yourself ... try to enjoy your pregnancy ... then, go and support your husband. He will thank you for it one day.

Thanks for your reply everyone, especially Justin Credible. Your reply slapped me right on the face, but it made me realize that my husband is stress too. So thank you!


But our problem is far more than that.


He went out for more than 22 hours now. He didnt tell me where he went, he didnt pick up my calls (but picked up someone else's call), and now he switched off his phone.


He keeps making lies and unkept promises. Enough to make me say "stop it" to myself. So I braved myself this morning (which I've delayed for so long), I rang my parents for their advice and told them (not) everything, and so happy to find that they said they will support me no matter what. So, I'm getting a divorced! Yes, it will be embarrassing (especially in my country) and hard, but I've decided to do it.


Please pray for me, hope I can have all the "thick skin", wisdom and courage I need to get through this.

What should be the husband's priority? Shouldn't he take care of the wife and the baby first? I'm sorry that he will lost his father however it's a tragedy that his son/daughter will lost his/her father even before being born. A little spoiling of the wife will not hurt the husband especially when he thinks about who will be in pain during labor. He's place is next to his wife to support her and welcome the new life for whom he is responsible. He will lost his father but he will have his baby. His baby is also important!!!


Sommerset, I know it's hard to believe if someone's telling you "I know how you feel".

But I do know how you feel. My husband and I will pray for you. Be strong for your baby!

Ingat ka palagi ( i guess)


Always take care...

Check the Pregnancy and Moms&Dads Forums.


I am normally a happy optimistic person, and I was misserable during pregnancy#1 and again now during #2.

I am lucky to have a supportive and loving husband, but he travels every week for work and is only here at the weekends, which compounds the issue I am sure.


After the baby came out, I was over the moon and happy... (until I got pregnant again!)

Our baby is now 14 months old and EVERYONE comments on what a happy baby he is and how he is always smiling.


Pregnancy seriously messes with your hormones, I just refer to them as 'EVIL HORMONES'...


Apparently some women are like this and it has no connection to whether you will or will not have post natal depression or whether your baby will be happy or not. And, there is nothing you can really do about it (in my experience).... But ice cream, chocolate, swimming, sleep all help :)

Here is a very good thread on depression during pregnancy:

http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/pregnancyfertility/threads/77220.asp


A bit long, but lots of good info and inspiration.

Everyone has stress in life, including illness and death of parents. Yes, we do need to be supportive of spouses, but on the other hand, stress is no excuse for the way he's treating you. Besides the lack of support from your husband when you need it most, there are additional things in your background that are making it hard for you: his abuse of you, the power games he is playing, the history of abuse in your family background, your unresolved anger, and your depression. His disappearing for hours at a time is hard now, but it will be even more pronounced and difficult to bear when you are at home alone with a newborn baby, perhaps needing help to get food purchased for the household or something. This is going to sound really, really hard, but I suggest you consider giving the baby up for adoption. If you think life is hard right now, imagine it while you're trying to meet the needs of a baby who doesn't sleep at night, a toddler, a five year old, a ten year old ---- A child is an intense, long term commitment that in the best of circumstances will need the devoted resources of two, united, committed parents for the next twenty five years or so. I don't think he's on board with this. And if you go into parenthood under these circumstances, without having resolved all the issues resulting from the abuse you witnessed during childhood or the abuse you are experiencing now, then YES, you will set your child up to either be an abused or to be an abuser. Even, heaven forbid, your own temper should snap under the stress. It's a family pattern that's very hard to break. Very sorry to be the voice of gloom, but I think the optimists on the thread perhaps are not so aware of all the issues you are facing. Abuse is a really powerfully entrenched pattern, making you more vulnerable and risking that you pass the pattern along to your children. And women who have been abused are far too conciliatory in tolerating it. I strongly suggest you see a counselor even if for just one session and talk through some of these issues. I hope I'm wrong, but think about it and see if it rings true or not. I wouldn't lightly advocate giving up a baby for adoption, I think it's probably one of the hardest things possible for a mother to do, but it CAN be the most loving thing possible to do for the child under certain circumstances. And then, you would also be a bit more free to confront the situation with the marriage and do what you need to do to get out of it, especially assuming you would need to return to work full time and support yourself.