Posted by
hamiltonb
18 yrs ago
I met this Chinese woman in the gym that I really like. We take the same Body Pump class every Tuesday evening. How should I approach her? I am a gweilo and I believe she's either born overseas or has spent much of life abroad because she can speak very good English.
Indeed, I tried to let her know my feeling by pointing at her once in front of my friends and told them loudly that I like her. But she seemed very angry. (OK, there were other members around and they were er "gossiping" and "smiling".)
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MayC
18 yrs ago
My goodness, you did that? She probably thought you were making fun of her in front of your friends, hence the anger.
Any chance of talking to her when you are "not" with your friends? Just ask her if she'd like to have a cup of coffee or something after class. That would be quick and quite low key. Good luck.
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Woz's Pup and MayC, so is this a woman thing or is this related to her culture? I never expected she would be angry by that.
hoyo, and your point is?
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OK...I understand now! Take it easy, people!
So no chatting up a woman in the gym? I've tried so many approaches, including faking that "Oh what a coincidence" thing and letting her know I was "secretly" looking at her. But maybe because I had made one (fatal?) mistake last time, I now don't have "courage" to even say "Hi" to her. But she seemed okay now that when I nodded and smiled, she smiled back but that's it (before she was very hostile and stared back at me in anger).
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I thought women enjoy the attention? Or no? I have to admit that this is the first time I take a liking in a complete stranger.
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MayC
18 yrs ago
There are two types of attention.
A guy who whistles for example...... some women enjoy that, but they would not date him.
A guy who gives sincere attention and is mature - now that's different.
Your action kind of puts you in Category no. 1 (well, close to). Soz, I'm so mean but I'm trying to help :-)
Maybe try a different method next time ;-)
I wouldn't rule out the gym as a place to meet guys (for me anyways).
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clan
18 yrs ago
Hoyo, your comments are quite rude and unneccessary....get a grip and don't be so aggressive
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Hamiltonb. Women are strange animals. They don't really hold grudges for too long. So, if you behave with courtesy but still show your interests in your Chinese lady from now onwards, you should still have a chance in my opinion.
If I am in your lady's shoes, I wouldn't mind if a guy gives me his business card when am leaving the gym. It'll be up to me to email him or call him. It doesn't hurt to get to know you better if she is available and also interested in meeting a new friend!
She might be attached already so don't be upset if she doesn't contact you. Best of luck!
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Thanks everyone for your helpful input! I can't explain why I don't have the gut to say anything directly to her, but I can only do so in front of other people?
csun009, she did smile back last time I smiled at her and it didn't seem like a fake one at all. But before that (and after the fatal incident), she was very hostile to me and completely ignored me when I looked at her. So do you think she's not mad anymore?
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And I thought saying out loud that I like her would make her believe I am serious and not just another playboy-expat trying to hit on as many Asian women as I can (you know the "typical", stereotypical expat male image).
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WEll, hamil, i guess it feels like a teenage crush and that's why you don't have guts to say hi to her.. Or simplily just the fear of rejection? I have seen this cute guy in the gym for few times. WE had exchanged smiles/nods, but non of us dare to take it further, even just say hi...I guess most of people still think picking up someone in the gym is rather cheezy
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hoyo, you keep banging on about newcomers although the post is to do with etiquette, not race, so do you want to tell us where you are from, just in case anyone is remotely interested? You have posted a couple of very unfriendly replies here and on another thread that reveal far more about you than actually helping the people asking the questions.
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greenisle, I believe gym romance does work. I have a friend who met his wife at the gym and they are now expecting their second baby! And I know one of the instructors in the gym back home found his love with a member and they just engaged last Christmas.
The only problem is how? I have offended once so I am even more nervous now.
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Woz's Pup, do you think I should apologize to her before asking her out for a coffee?
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I don't know why I did that. I guess I was (and still am) too nervous to tell her I like her but saying it out loud when there are other people around gives me the confidence.
So should I tell her when we are both outside of the gym just in case some nosy and gossipy members or staff hear us and make fun of us afterwards?
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Sigh...I shouldn't have told her I like her so early. I should have tried to make friends with her and told her how I feel once we know each other better?
Like I said, this is the first time I like someone who's a total stranger to me. I really don't know what to do.
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MayC
18 yrs ago
Well, depending on how long ago the incident happened... you could continue to just smile at her each time you see her. Wait another 1-2 weeks and when the time is right, just say, "Hi, I'm xxxx. Just wondering if you're free for a cup of coffee?" Be sincere this time, okay? ;-) And loose the crowd when you're asking her.
I agree that apologising isn't necessary. Don't remind her what happened. Just show that you are sincere from now on. It's never ever too late for sincerity.
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Thanks gain for all your advice! Would you mind telling me, from a woman's perspective, do you feel uncomfortable when there are other people around when a guy tells you he likes you? I mean we men like it if women say "I like you" and ask us out for a date in front of every one.
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blaze
18 yrs ago
I suggest you don't ask her out right off when you begin a conversation with her. To be more certain of getting a "yes" from her, you need to establish some connection and conversational chemistry first. Since you're both members of the same gym and go to the same class, why not start from there and work your way to "Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?" It would be more natural to go somewhere to sit down and continue the conversation.
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So I would try to start a casual conversation with her after the class when she is leaving the gym. And then invite her to have a cup of coffee with me? Now I am really nervous. I don't understand why I keep thinking about her even though we don't know each other. It's been a few months now.
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Thanks! Woz's Pup. It's always good to know a woman's view. MayC suggested that I should talk to her without the crowd so do you think it is better to invite her outside the gym?
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hoyo, do you have a problem? I try to ignore your spiteful remarks and ungrounded accusations but you should wouldn't butt off, would you?
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Just set your step up next to her in the next class. Start with 'I'm hamiltonb by the way. What's your name!... and then take it from there. So easy. You are wasting too much time thinking about it. Just ask her what she think about the instructor, music, whether she works out regularly, does any other classes etc. Body pump leaves you enough time for a quick chat while changing weights. Sooo easy.
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Thanks hoyo, at last some good advice from you.
Even I myself am surprise at my reaction. I can't seem to act natural in front of her but I never have this problem with other women.
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Please don't delete anything from this thread, Ed. We are adults and can deal with some occassional sarcacism. I am fine with everything everyone has said in this thread.
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Ed
18 yrs ago
Sarcasm = immediate ban.
I am aware you are adults but I make the rules and they are not open for debate.
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I am going to the gym this evening for another Pump class...wish me luck! Thanks!
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Well, hamil, so far, the only thing you like about her for sure is her look... You have not even talked to her yet.. Don't set your expectation too high, by doing so, you will act more natually... From a woman's prospective, if some guy approach me in the gym, if i also like the way he looks, i will definitely talk to him, doesn't matter prior shower or after... Just relax and good luck tonight...
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From a chinese woman point of view.I hate man have too much confidence.Thats make me think "I must be intertested to talk to you??".
I only enjoy someone I like or"hottie"stared at me at the gym(personally)
And please don't ask too many question like what do you do,where do you come from.We found that is quite unnoying and totally turn me off.Cos that make me think "is that your bussiness".And thats is how everyone start their conversation because they can't think of anything better!!!
So why don't you apologise about what you did and tell him you feel embarrassed about it(propably her as well).Then ask her will she be interested to have a coffee?This is all you need to start it.Don't ask too much question(except her name)
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What about 'coincidentally' walking out of a class next to her and ask 'what did you think of the class?' or 'how was the work out?'. I'm sure since you've seen each other in classes before this is a safe way to strike up conversation. Start off with an ice breaker and gauge her response. If she's chatty then greenisle is right - if she's into you she'll talk it up, you introduce yourself formally and slowly wins the race. If not then you're call to risk it dude and persist.
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I think Missysun is on to something... Most of chinese girls don't like guys being too confident=c*cky... But by the sound of it,Hamil, i doubt you belong to that category... A lot of girls actually like shy guys..Like others said, just chit chat about the class.. Don't ask too many questions.. If she's into you, she will find something else to say to you.. If she's not, at least , it won't be too awkward later on... You will just be the guy-chit-chat-to-me-in-the-class, instead of that perv-point-me-out-in-the-gym-and-try-to-pick-me-up-later..
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Hi! She didn't come to the class yesterday so I guess I'll wait 'til next week. Thanks for your blessing!
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Oh boy, I think being picked up in the gym is the worst!
Back in NY I tested gyms out and specifically chose the one where the patrons were COMPLETELY self obsessed, as to avoid any unnecessary canoodling. . .
I wish you the best tho!
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Hi! I met her at the gym during lunch hour. Chatted with her a bit after class and walked her to her office too. I am still very excited!
I just say hi to her outside the gym and our conversation just flowed very smoothly...
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Well done you!
Well you've already seen her at her sweaty tired worst, so it can only be up from there!
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I really don't think she looks crap in the gym. Don't know why women think that way.
Guys, one piece of advice from me. If you keep checking out a woman without making the move, you may screw your own chance as she may think you are a stalker if she hasn't yet noticed you. But if she has and if she's warm, don't let her wait. (I hope my lady is the second one.)
By the way, my lady is a HK-born solicitor from UK. So she's smart, beautiful, and sporty!
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why do I get the impression that she would be too mature (i.e in demeanour and taste) for you?
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It is easy to criticize and mock at other people. When we all do stupid things sometimes - things that we can never imagine ourselves doing.
Anyway since you two are not making constructive comments, I guess you can be ignored.
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Well, never say never. If you see things with so much preconception, you are limiting your chances. It may not lead to anything else but one more gym buddy, if not just an acquaintance, or it may lead to something better and longer. Remember the two gym romance examples I gave ? Just like so many people say bars are the last place you would go to find love, I do know couples who met in bars. Same goes for online dating.
So I am optimistic in this sense and I hope the rest of you are too.
We are both young in our early twenties (she looks younger than me and she's a trainee by the way, so that confirms her young age) so guess that's why you find me "juvenile". Maybe I am to you. But now that I know her, who cares what you think about me? I do admit that what I did was offensive and I sure won't do that no more.
No, you didn't offend me. So no need to apologize.
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It's a feeling of both sweetness and anxiety. Lots of guess work too.
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Helenahk, I don't understand either. Why do people impose so many rules and restrictions on love? Attraction and love are supposed to be the most natural feeling that you don't restrain....unless the person you like is already taken.
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I couldn't agree with you more Hamiltonb. Glad to know your thing is having a good progress. Good Luck!
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Thanks! Boopsyeboo!
Justin Credible (Part Deux): Just read your last comment "if you try to figure out what kind of life she must live, you will possibly be able to guage how you fit in there"
My reply: How would I know what kind of life she has without getting to know her first?
I am stubborn, I know.
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jwm, I did and I've told you already.
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No problem, jwm.
I met her again last night and we went for a very casual dinner after class. We just chatted about anythign that came up our mind. So very casual indeed. I didn't head straight on to "I like you", as some of you have advised me not to (and I am afraid it might scare her away), but I showed lots of interest in her, her life and everything that she said. So I hope this was hint enough that I really like her.
Anyone has other stories to share?
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I have a story! When I was 13 I had a crush on a boy at school and one day I told him I liked him and he laughed and pulled my hair.
'I like you' is a phrase that should either be used by children or during pillow talk. It's not language an adult should use with someone he's just met! It would freak me out and it's definately a conversation stopper! The fact that you're having dinner together at all surely shows that you like each other!!!
I'm going to say this even though you're going to dismiss me as being unhelpful, please grow up, Hamilton. If you want an adult relationship, start acting like an adult.
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I know I acted like an a**hole when I shouted "I like her" in public. You don't say that, not until you have reached "that certain point" and certainly not when you have not even talked to each other before. Thus, the anger from her, if not just a shocked, blank face or no response.
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Lets forget what you did with the shouting and the group of friends, Hamilton, because it seems like she has. I'm talking about not telling her you like her now. I mean, it's obvious. Fingers crossed the meals and drinks progress to holding hands and kisses, I think at that point she will have guessed that you like her! You really don't need to tell her, and (I'm sure everyone will correct me because I'm sooooo young and everyone else is soooooo much more experienced) most people don't say 'I like you' until it reaches the 'I love you' stage! I like you is taken for granted, else why would you ask her out for drinks? Do you often go for drinks with women you don't like?
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Thanks. I won't as I'm sure she knows it by now. I just show my interest in everything she says and everything about her because I am truly interested.
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Hey...we chatted on the phone last night and she asked me what I like about her. honestly, I didn't know how to react because I couldnt tell exactly why (like in point form 1, 2, 3, etc.) I just know I like her.
But I told her that even though the above was true, the more I talk to her and the more I know about her life, the more I like about her personality, etc.
Was my answer good enough?
Why do women like ask this question (my ex and my friends' gf did too)?
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Hey, I was just thinking about this post while I was at the gym last night. I was thinking, what if someone wanted to talk to me right now when I was at the gym and looking all disgusting and sweaty. But then I looked around, and some of the girls didn't look all disgusting and sweaty.
I think, if you're a bit concerned about your figure, like I'm really chubby (chubby sounds cuter than 'fat') and to be honest if someone talked to me in the gym, I'd think they were taking the p*ss. But I bet if you were slim and attractive, you'd be more receptive to advances from people at the gym.
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i never understand why ppl would think working out would look horrible... have they ever compare before and after work out??
ur blood circulation runing fast, so more oxgyen to ur face and less pale or black circle eye...
u sweat and it mosturize ur skin with detox effect... i saw women faces look alot younger and heathier during workout than afterwards...
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i say definitely suss out the situation..eye contact is crucial. Look and smile at her if she's looking back a few times..chances is she's giving you a go ahead. make it causual and PLS NO CORNY PICK UP LINES!!! Do you come here often? would be nice way to start.
good luck..
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I feel exactly the same. I see a lot of attractive people in the gym. Occasionaly we smile and say hi to eachother but thats it.
When i work out, i wear my mp3 play, so i cant hear. I work out hard, so i sweat a lot and generally look and smell disgusting.
Then when i finish my workout, i just walk home to shower and change, so i never have a chance to 'hang out at a juice bar'.
so the only time i could talk to someone is during my workout...
I think you could meet some great people at the gym but at the end of the day.. it doesnt seem very practical, does it?
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You don't! People go to the gym to exercise! Sometimes they may have had a hard day at work so they're "venting" their anger at work at the gym and do not want to be disturbed! I don't think you should even "chat" up with people in the gym, whether men or women for the reason above, unless you find them receptive to this.
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gabb
17 yrs ago
Island Dweller, what point are you trying to make? "the bird" already said she doesn't like being "eyed off" so why does she need to think why she is being "eyed off"?
Of course, there must be a certain level of attraction or interest. But the bird obviously doesn't like the interest being shown to her IN THE GYM! Not sure about how she's being eyed off and in what context. But some people just don't know what the word "discreet" mean and would follow you around wherever you go. How annoying!
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gabb
17 yrs ago
Sorry, the bird...are you man or woman? "the gays that eye you off" - gAys?
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gabb
17 yrs ago
Island Dweller, on careful reading, I now see that the bird wrote "gays" not "guys"...
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My advice is, don't approach a woman in the gym. I myself go there only to work out, not pick up. I know I may be in the minority on this one ... but...
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