Posted by
MiniPepper
18 yrs ago
I have been with this guy for almost 2 years, living together for a year. He cheated on me once in early stage of our relationship. Besides, he uses prostitutes from day 1 and dated different gals (he's handsome). I had fights with him many times on this and "Never admit" was his strategy (even i found evidences at home). Lately i gave him a very strong message that i will end our relationship if he keeps doing that. These few months, i can feel that he's making efforts (e.g he's going to take me to his home country meeting his parents). However, i still can't get over the hurts and am highly suspicious of what he does when i'm at work and he's off. Should i give him a last chance, or should i leave?
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LEAVE HIM!
Why on earth are you dating a man who uses prostitutes and cheats on you? Why?! What compells you to disrespect yourself so dramaticly that you would put up with being treated like poo!?
There are men out there who will NOT cheat on you, and who are not so disgusting that they pay for sex, and will also take you home to meet the family. Being with someone who treats you like this says more about how you feel about yourself than he feels about you.
If he loves you, he won't cheat or use prostitutes.
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Experience taught me that people will never chance. Go figure.
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Thanks for your response. What make me so hard to make a decision is i do see and feel he's making efforts lately (e.g. he includes me in almost everything, he said he really loves me and hope i can feel that, he said he's making efforts to win my trust back, he posted our photos on web etc). Maybe i'm just being silly and making excuses for him so i'd like to hear comments from you guys.
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I'm just concern how could you tolerate someone that's been lying and cheating behind your back for so long. Considering 2 years of pain is harsh and unforgiven.
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well, i do think he is trying his efforts to win back your trust, you may give him one more chance, but also be prepared to leave him as soon as you found out he treats on you agian. I got treated by a man, he played same game with me, also with other girls. I tried to forgive him, but he just did it to me again after he confessed not to do that again.
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Think about the future. Imagine if you have children with him. For one, while you're pregnant you're not going to want sex, how many women is he going to pay for it with while you're pregnant?
And what about when you have children with him, do you want your sons to think it's ok to sleep with a prostitute? Do you want your daughters to think it's acceptable to be with a man who will treat them like that?
If you can't think of yourself, think of your future with this guy?
Have respect for yourself, you deserve better!
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he cheated on me once and i don't see any signal of cheating since then (i think it's easy to find out as we're cohabiting). Regarding the reason of using prostitutes, he said he don't know why but he finds the whole idea excites him.
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Aijin is right, asking him how it was will definately take the excitement out of it, and waiting for him to finish will help. If he's out within half an hour, you can say, 'That was quick.'
Or you could have respect for yourself and get out of that relationship and away from a man who disrespects you and puts you in risk of catching diseases! There are some diseases even condoms can't stop, such as genital warts or crabs, so why be with a man like this?!
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I was just giving additional information of what he's doing (to be honest, my decision is rely on the advices from you guys so i just hope you have a full pic). As i said before, i will definitely dump him if he keeps doing the things without changes but my ache is he seems making effort.
Make it simple, should my decision be the same (dump him) if he's not using prostitutes at least 3 mths to now?
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Oh God, MiniPepper you should disregard Pepperoni Wong's post 100% and just DUMP your bf!!! You don't need to think anymore, no need to seek anymore advice, just DUMP him! Mr Cynical is absoutely right - your bf has NO RESPECT for you and he will not change (temporary perhaps) - please just leave him and learn from this and not to repeat the same mistake again next time!
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There is absolutely NO EVIDENCE that men can't be monogamous, there are many many men who once they make a commitment, keep it. There is also no scientific evidence that men have a higher sex drive than women (so don't even think of blaming his cheating on that!), it's far more likely that it's an environmental thing. Women have put up with men cheating and behaving like dogs in heat for so long that the men no longer try to exercise any self control. A man cheats and we go 'oh well, he's a man, he can't help it' and the guy thinks 'score, I got away with it and if everyone thinks that men can't control themselves, then it must be true!'
If anyone wanted to stay faithful, they could. Regardless of gender, if they truly wanted to stay faithful to one person they absolutely could.
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You obviously wanted someone to tell you - yes you should trust him because he's changing!
But then you know better you do not trust him and it's bugging you.
I've been reading a lot of cheating stories on here recently, and two of my married friends are having affairs - they're both women with their career and a seems-to-be happy family. Two weeks ago another female married friend of mine told me she fell in love with a man she works with.
The world has changed. People's values and attitude towards marriage and monogamous relationships are just not the same anymore.
Do people change? Over the years, my ex never changed.
Didn't mean to sound negative and discouraging, but c'est la vie.
If you want to believe that your bf is different now and forgive him, go ahead. We may all be lying to you, but you cannot lie to yourself at the end of the day. Listen to your heart, and bear with the consequence.
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i broke up with him last night. feel like sh*t but it will pass. Thanks for all the advices.
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you can get over him. you deserve a faithful man not him he cheated you, just be strong. cheer up!
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clan
18 yrs ago
I have an ex 'who could change'. he couldn't, didn't and bottom line...wouldn't. He was also very good at making his failures my fault. The fact of the matter is you begin to believe it. These men haven't just become cheats and liars, they are evolved over time. It's likely that looking at where they come from (family)will explain it. When you feel low rem,ember what everyone here has said. It makes sense. This man may make a good friend, employee, employer etc...but a lousy partner. My ex continues to cheat on his current partner.(who incidentally was his final cheat on me) I feel bad for her but this is who he is. Who knows what will make the change for him, if at all?
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MiniPepper... it will certainly pass... speaking from experience...
You will see better light after this... All the best... :-)
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