I wouldn't normally post anything here, but i am engaged to be married and just wondered if silly, stupid arguments are normal cos of the pressure leading up to the wedding day ? or is this telling me that i need to re think ? I love her like crazy, she is amazing
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You just said you "love her like crazy" because "she is amazing" and your arguments are "silly (and) stupid)" arising out of "pressure leading up to the wedding day"!!
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i would appreciate your feedback Hamilton, rather than sarcastic replies. Thanks
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clan
18 yrs ago
I absolutely agree with Hamilton b. Women do get very stressed out over a wedding. Men usually aren't that bothered over the 'grandeur' of the event. This can cause friction as it may appear you don't understand or don't care. Can I as a woman say that you won't win this one as stress and emotions are running high. The day, I'm sure, will be spectacular and one you'll cherish, remember and enjoy (even if you'd rather do it quick and then join all your friend in a pub for a pint!) Life will settle down and you'll be back to normal, I'm sure!
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thanks Clan. Actually i do care, i want everything to be cool. But recently we have had some very stupid arguments which go out of control
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whatever! He wasn't being sarcastic! He was using your own words. You said you love her and you said she's amazing, and then you said the aguments are silly, so really, aren't you solving your problems by yourself? Think about the words you used yourself, and you have your answer.
I can't talk about getting married, as I'm still living in sin. But, when I moved in with my boyfriend, he and I had loads of stupid arguments, about sofa beds, and layout and colour scheme, and all these kinds of things, and now we're living in bliss. Hope that helps!
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tia
18 yrs ago
whatever, this is VERY normal. I'm not the calmest person on the planet and our wedding was VERY simple, but even with the minor things we had to plan, there were stupid spats abound. If she's the super planner type like I am, she'll want things to be super perfect and when a little glitch arises, it'll annoy her.
You want everything to be cool and she wants this day to be the most amazing day she has ever had in her life. No stress there, right? (A little sarcasm there, sorry)
Find out what needs to be done to help the day go off without problems, talk to her about the plans and remember why you are marrying her. She's amazing, you're crazy about her and you love her. Weddings make the most sane women insane. I don't know what it is...but it happens.
Best of luck and I hope that the wedding day is perfect for you both!
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bbvv
18 yrs ago
You guys are definitely stressed out over the plannings for the Big Day - I remembered we were and now we are happily married with a baby. Just take is as an emotional thing - I was glad when the wedding was all over - it was like arguments over silly little things like the transport arrangments, invitations for example - not something that you will deal with ongoing. On the Big Day all will be forgotten and you will be all lovey dovey and enjoy the rest of your marriage together.
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Yes, some women can get totally stressed out by their weddings. Hence the term "Bridezilla".
"The tricky thing about bridezillas is that their transition from sweethearts to creatures from hell cannot be foreseen, not even by the future husbands."
—Steffi Kammerer, "Drama, chaos, greed and a white dress," The Dallas Morning News, August 27, 2002
But, never NEVER call her that!
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The funny thing at our wedding was that my husband actually turned into a 'bridezilla'. He wanted this and that and threw one tantrum after the other to get it or made a BIIIIIG thing out of unnecessary glitter.
What I'm trying to say: it's very normal for both of you to lose it over little things.
Another thing we found out was that after we got engaged (having some kind of security and commitment for the rest of our lives) we sort of 'tested' each other by bringing up silly things from the past that ended up in arguments. Or arguments regarding the wedding planning turned into arguments over stuff from the past. Looking back we laugh about it and in reality it's only the stress from the planning and pressure to make it the most beautiful day in your life etc.
Just forget about the arguments. Remember:
If your wedding was to be the most beautiful day in your life then good grief what sort of future do you expect? It would only go downhill from there. Make it 'yet another beautiful day to remember in your lives'.
Take it easy on each other guys. All will be fine after the wedding!
Good luck!
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thanks guys , i appreciate all your kind words. I am a calm person, but was getting worried that perhaps i am not ready for marriage. Its a tough time
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Yes, it's a tough time. Show your fiancee the postings above to make her realize that what you both are going through is totally normal and that there is nothing to worry about. Sometimes, people don't look at themsleves on how they drive the partner nuts and vice versa. Realize that it's normal and next time an argument comes up you both will naturally know where it originates from and that it's simply not worth to test each other and put additional strain on the relationship especially before the wedding. Keep your chin up! Both of you :)
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As a woman currently going through the above-mentioned transition into a Creature from Hell, I would advise you, whatever whatever, to cut your fiancee some slack.
I am marrying an amazing man but sometimes this wedding stuff is an absolute chore.
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