Any Advice?

Hi Everyone,


I'm at cross roads in my life and I'm hoping to get some advice from you that would help me put things in perspective.


I recently seperated from my husband because I caught him having an affair. We were not married for very long (only 3 1/2 years) and we have a child. Despite that I decided that I could not continue the marriage after I found out about his affair. Things were difficult before and this was pretty much the cherry on top. It's been six months now and I have gone back and forth (in my mind) wondering if I was doing the right thing, especially since our daughter is only 2 years old. But I think, in the end, I realize that this the right course for me, despite all the unknowns in my life right now. My husband has never really tried to do anything to show that he wanted us back. He would constantly call me and harrass me to take him back, but other than that, I have seen no positve actions from him to show us that he really means any of what he says. On top of that I found out that he was having another affair with another person as recently as a couple of weeks ago. That pretty much put the final nail into the coffin and I realize that our marraige was never meant to be. When I confronted him about it, he said that I had told him that there was no hope of reconcillation, so he did what I asked him to do - find someone else to be happy with. But the minute I would give him the word that I would take him back, he would stop his extracurricular activities and be the husband and father that he should be. I was not surprised by his actions or answers, only very disappointed and it has helped to be strong in my moments of weakness....


I have been trying to rebuild my life for the last six months. The first couple were extremely hard and were mostly dedicated to self pity and crying fits. It hasn't been easy. Trying to raise a child on my own (with help from my family) and trying to face the the uncertainty of the future alone freaks me out from time to time. I wish I had a partner I could trust and lean on, and sometimes feel desperate for not having that one person you can turn to when life goes wrong. I want my kid to have a father that wants her, and feel guilty that I cannot give her that. I'm 34 years old, and facing a divorce and the possibility of raising my daughter as a single parent. I have made many mistakes in my life that I regret. Somedays I feel like I have hope and that it's still not too late to start all over again. But somedays, I feel like all this effort is in vain, and that I'm old and no one would want me. Even my husband didn't want me enough to be faithful... Despite all this, I decided to give myself a year to get through my divorce and get my act together before even thinking about men. It's for my own good to ensure that I don't do anything stupid out of desperation. Afterall, I have my daughter to think about and I cannot afford to screw up things more than I already have... I'm going to the gym regularly and have put in effort to look my best because I know I feel good if I know I look good. But sometimes inside I feel like it's all a sham and I am a failure in life...


So, what's the point in all of this? I just want to hear from people who have gone through similar experiences and have made it. Any advise or positive stories you could share to give me hope when things are tough would be very much appreciated.


Thx.

Thank you ladies for your positive feedback. It's exactly what I was looking for. I know I'm on the right track, it's just sometimes it's a bit overwhelming. I am seeing a counsellor and getting the help I think I need to move on. I never gave up my career, so I'm lucky to have a good job that allows me to financially support my daughter and myself. I think my main problems are emotionally trying to deal with all of this. I was happy being someone's wife - it gave me a sense of security and belonging that is lost now.


And as for my ex being a father to my daughter, he doesn't appear too interested in that role right now. I would like him to take a more active role in our daughter's life, just so that she won't grow up with father issues, but I cannot force that on him.


Again, thank you ladies for your support. As hard as this all seems to me, I know there ae plenty of other women out there who are facing far worst situations, and sometimes I need to take a step back to count my blessings.

you will be fine. you're obviously a strong, smart lady with a good head on your shoulders.


don't worry too much about your daughter either. sorry to generalize but i believe girls are more emotionally resilient than boys, and in any case an absent father, OR a good substitute male role model (i.e. extended family and close friends), are better any day, than a reluctant father.


you really are blessed, and these blessings will become more apparent over time. one day you will look back and just KNOW you did the right thing for yourself and your daughter.