Posted by
gwern
18 yrs ago
How healthy is it for someone to be close to their ex girl/boy friend but be in a relationship with someone else? I know everyone has different limits..... what would you consider overstepping it? (not including the obvious rekindling)
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gwern
18 yrs ago
No not sexual, but friends. What is ok? Dinner regularly? Going out with mutual friends for drinks? Involvement with their extended family.....
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It's normal, but not a lot of people can do it. The only problem is IF your current bf/gf can deal with it.
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clan
18 yrs ago
It will also depend on what the exgf is expecting. Is she respectful of your relationship with him? Is she in competition with you or is it understood that her relationship is well and truly over? Is it affecting your relationship with his extended family? Do you have any reason to be concerned of it interferring with your relationship?
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I've been staying in touch with one of my former bf. We broke up on friendly terms. At the moment both of us are in serious relationships but we still meet for lunch once a while. Just talk about mutual friends, work, and life in general. Nothing intimate. Seems to be working fine for everyone involved including our current partners.
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maxis
18 yrs ago
It varies, but it is how your new girlfriend feels about it.
Statistically, however, it must be said that that this quasi-plutonic "friendship" often interferes with the existing relationship. Indeed many people have cheated with their ex and much one-on-one time and support in times of need is not unlikley to reignite old feelings. Further, the ex, although saying they are cool about it etc, often poisons the new relationship, and also it can prevent the person giving 100% of their feelings to the new partner.
Personally I don't like g.f's spending much time with their ex's - personal experience and experience of my friends has shown it to be a risk factor and who want that eh?
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clan
18 yrs ago
In theory it sounds good that you can remain friends with someone who you were so close and intimate with. In practise I think there is potential for the ex to get in the way of the new partner. I would hate to think that I was being discussed by my boyfriend. It would make me feel vulnerable. I would wonder why they woul want to. If you don't like it or your partner doesn't like it wouldn't it be better to keep them at a distance?
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