Friday relationship musing

it's one of those conversations to have right at the start of a relationship...some people don't regard monogamy as the be all and end all. you gotta hope they are straight up with their partner and honest with themselves if they have a tendency to stray...especially those peeps who have sown so many wild oats they could end famine in africa...sometimes old habits are hard to break...

i'm a bit perturbed by ...'s reasoning point C).


Financial standing may afford the luxury of being more able to make the decision to go it alone based on the relationship facts only but I would hope it would not figure in a persons choice to cheat, the "oh well I can take the risk because if I get caught at least I'll be able to support myself".


Wakatipu QT (I always knew there was one): Surely if monogomy is way down the list such a person would find their partner(s) at 'alternative lifestyle' get-togethers so all would be above board from the word go?


Which night and where by the way?

sure, JC, ongoing provision for children for instance can be a burden (particularly for the poor ol chappie) but I took that point as to mean the poster was not sufficiently financially independant to support herself and hence would not risk being caught out.


I may have got the wrong end of the stick. It's a regular event.

Bottom line is that cheating is unhealthy! Not only mentally and spiritually, but in a physical sense too! I recently read some frightening statistics about how many people have UNTREATABLE STD's. I don't want to repeat the number because my reaction was "that CAN'T be true." But the same article said that something like 70% of cases of gonorrhea in USA are now drug resistant. Nobody has mentioned this yet, but disease is another really good reason to stay faithful. Even HPV: do you really want it? Because if you've had casual sex even one time, you probably do.


But the older I get, the more I think the common attitude that "cheating is acceptable" reflects a profound moral bankruptcy and short sightedness where relationships are concerned. I find myself getting more and more conservative in this area.


I value my very special, very exclusive relationship with my spouse. I value his feelings, his trust, I value that we share things nobody else does. I value knowing someone so well and being so intimate in so many ways, knowing that I can trust him with my life and likewise he can trust me with his. This level of trust opens the door to a level of intimacy and joy -- and pleasure -- that I think "cheaters" will never experience.


And at this point, I've seen so much pain caused by cheating. Nothing worth having in life is free, including a relationship.


I also take a longer view of cheating. I don't see a huge distinction between cheating on a future spouse, the future hypothetical one, versus a present one. As someone mentioned on a different thread the other day, everyone you've ever been intimate with is in your memory bank somewhere and you can never put that completely out of mind or erase the experience. I prefer to keep my very special relationship with my spouse just that -- I don't want Tom and Dick and Harry in bed with me whenever I'm with my lover.


Call me old fashioned, I'm very liberated. And I'm very happy with my "old man".


On the other hand, to err is human, to forgive divine. I do hope that I'd be able to forgive and be forgiven if I ever fell short of the standard I've set for myself.

wow, Dottie, well explained. Thanks for taking the time.


Humbly yours,


Sal

On the other hand, to err is human, to forgive divine. I do hope that I'd be able to forgive and be forgiven if I ever fell short of the standard I've set for myself.


This is somewhat contradictory but the rest of your post was great Meiquren.In a relationship cheating is absolutely OUT.I think confessing to the deed brings pain and suffering to the chetee go to church and confess there.

What's the point of confessing just to salve one's conscience?Forgiving is one thing but forgetting is completely different.The trust is gone and that will undermine and ultimately destroy the relationship.Having Tom,Harry and too many Dicks in bed can't be healthy in a relationship.

That's just saying they don't want to get divorced because of career/mortgage/kids/religion/politics whatever.Who cares about Bill and Hillary or Charles and Camilla or anybody else???

At the end of the day it's about being in a delusional comfort zone 'if it makes him happy' what codswallop!!!

Ok so one night stands can happen an affair is exciting but come on everyone deserves better and why should anyone compromise and hurt their partner for the sake of getting their rocks off??

It's very cut and dried to me...no bloody excuse in the world would be forgiven for cheating on someone you REALLY loved.

Their face would haunt forever with the hurt and anyone who is passionately in love with their partner would understand this.

Anyone out of love well go figure or go and buy a latex toy or a banana skin or something.