Posted by
sadalicia
17 yrs ago
I get to know Jake online and we get along amazingly well, online that is. We proceed along slowly, just chatting and gradually sharing more. If it is possible without meeting him, I started to develop feeling of more than just a friend for him and vice-versa.
We have been communicating via msn, email, sms, letter, skype and recently phone calls. It's been going on for more than 2 years now. Sending gifts to each other on bdays, special days and even just a small gift to each other to let each other know that the other is thinking of one another. With us residing in different countries, there is at least one kind of communication one way or another everyday to keep in touch, mostly sms and email.
We have talked and shared our feelings for each other and whenever we actually speak on the phone and online with webcam, our connection has been simply amazing.
Eventhough we have talked about meeting up, we never seem to be able to. Well, I guess you can say that Jake always seem to be able to find an reason/excuse not to. I am beginning to wonder if he is serious or even real! I think that 2 years is way too long not to meet up with someone.
I don't want push him to meet up. I want him to want to meet up! I've asked him at least 3 times now. Any advice or insight?
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How far you guys lives, and when you asked meeting up, have you also told him you would fly to his home?
If you did so, just think he is not more into serious at this moment. Or he may already be attached or something!!!
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Except internet ones...you are his internet girlfriend Sadalicia and he wants to keep it that way.He doesn't want to meet because maybe he is leading a double life.Accept the fantasy but keep it in a real context.
All the tittilating conversation and gifts who knows what he is like in real life.If he doesn't want to meet so what,keep him as your internet boyfriend.Bet if you flew in to his country and called him from the airport he would get the shock of his life!
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been there done there, i was talking to this fellow for 7 months and our communicaiton often included over 20 A4 size email messages, i totally fell for this guy. and guess what, he was working just next to my building, but whenever i brought up the idea of meeting, he always was able to find an excuse not to... 7 months later, he moved away to Singapore and i confronted him and he finally told me he was never going to meet with me... lesson learnt - i met a time waster and was left with a broken heart for a while. i never quite understand why he would even bother to meet even just as a friend...
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Thank you for the replies.
JFK888, We are 8 hours flight away from each other. No, never discuss meeting up at his or my homeplace, but rather meeting at a neutral ground, meeting somewhere in the middle.
JC, we are in our 30s. I am 7 years older than him. Does that matter? He did reassured me that it does not matter.
flashback & momo8, both your posts do seem to hit the jackpot. Maybe I am just his "second life" and "internet girlfriend". I do think of that. However, I do know his address, his parents' address, where he work, his office numbers.. etc. The things he told me, we seem to be a couple except the meeting up part. Wouldn't a guy be more cautious in telling a gal all that if he has something to hide? I could call his office to check if I want to. I could even fly over and turn up at his place!
Pumpkin, I am happy and feel real when I am "with" him. The only part is that I want to meet him to see how things go in person.
What do you think of this? I am thinking of asking him for a "deadline". A date to meetup. If he still doesn't, maybe I should "cool things down", "move on" as some suggested.
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Mmmmmmmmmm well either he's stringing you along or he's 200kgs as opposed to you being seven years older than him,maybe just shy or as I said before he's married with a string of curtain climbers and you are his distraction,who knows why he doesn't want to meet up?
I am older than my husband and it works.Maybe I'm in an LDR I live in HK and he's still in China but we commute EVERY weekend.
Problem here you want to progress to the next stage and he's not ready.Could be a number of reasons all valid but yes I think you should give him some sort of deadline if you want to persue this 'relationship'.
I didn't mean to offend by suggesting you are just his internet girlfriend but you have to know one way or another.
I'm sure many people have these internet relationships which appear so real but if you've never met how can it be LDR sorry Pumpkin.
8 hours away that's to Australia if I can take a guess.
How about disapearing for awhile off the net to see if he's that into you? Let him think his next course of action and you too.If he's distant and cool then you know your answer,if he says "OK let's do it then great!"
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Wow momo8!! Spot on! Yes, he's there. Lol... no, no, I don't think he's 200kgs. I've seen him and chat with him via the webcam. I sure hope that's him! You're right. I think I'm ready but he's not. I don't know about disappearing? Off the net, yes. And don't take his call and reply the smses as well?
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OK Aussie men yikes.I could write a phone book on the subject I'm an Aussie.He's shy and has a babe in HongKong.OK PM me I'll give you some advice how to deal with Aussies.
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sadalicia, i think it is essential to meet this guy before you invest any more of your time. one of my good friends met her 'perfect' guy on a buddhist site, they connected spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. the romance went on for a few months, he sent her presents, photos and copious romantic emails. when he arrived at the airport her heart sank. not to say he was hideous or anything, just not what she had imagined. they had no spark. she attempted to rekindle that long-distance love feeling she had for him, but in the flesh, it just wasn't there. there is a competition on at the mo to win a trip to Queensland every year for five years...maybe you should enter!
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I am actually surprised by the negative experiences of LDR with Aussie. Is there something that I should know about Aussie in LDR?
flashback, you are right on. We met and get to know each other without any expectation and agenda. In fact, when we chatted I thought he was here locally as it was a local website and we don't get many "expat" there. Thank you for your advice. I do think I will do something about it. I am going to ask him directly, that is more my way. Oh, I am not bother with me being older than him. Of course I was initially but I am happy with myself and my life and my previous relationships had been with men younger than myself (not intentionally I assure you, they just were).
I have to say though, he had helped me through a very difficult time when I met him and vice-versa. This bond was created thru that time. Even if things don't work out (being his refusal to meet up), he has been a great friend who gave me support and a listening ear. I would move on and keep this friendship, if possible.
I don't know what to say... wish me luck? :-)
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momo8, I don't know about him being shy?? It just doesn't seem that way.
wakatipugt, that is the exact fear I have. Chatting behind a computer is so very different with meeting in person. That is why I want to meet up and find out.
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Sadalicia, if you've been friends for this guy for 2 years surely you're close enough to ask him why he doesn't want to meet up? That would be my first inclination rather than trying to find out his intentions by slowly dissapearing.
Plus how long did it take you to want to meet up in person? Maybe he's just not quite in that place yet, as you said, chatting online is way different to meeting up, it would be a serious step, especially if you met for the first time in the context of boyfriend/girlfriend. It could just be that he doesn't want to mess up a good thing? Having said that, it sounds like you've outgrown the current relationship you have with him and are looking for something more. So that's definately something you need to think about, what if he's not prepared to meet up ever?
I think it might be time for a scary honest discussion with the boy! Just make sure you're prepared for the outcome either way.
And yeah, what is it about Aussie's in LDR's?
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