Bored housewife

my husband travels all the time or is working. we recently acquired full time help as i was going crazy with 3 kids. well, even having help, i am constantly driving/cooking/running around, going nuts. i have also started feeling sad and a bit resentful of my new life. i miss having my own identity, life, career. anyone else in the same boat? HK gets to me sometimes

Sounds you have to explore more in your life, say make more friends here! Don't focus much on your daily stuffs at this moments, hands off to your helper and try to develop your own association!

what happends HKmama when you talk to your hubby about your feelings? have you tried prompting him, then sitting down with him in a quiet place?


but do not try this just when you feel ready, but when he feels ready and looks positive/happy. then he can and will listen. he's probably grumpy and self absorbed or busy with the kids right after his trip, so plan or ask a time for it...


this is a pretty common situation but repeated 1000 times can become very nauseating for you

With three kids, you're still outnumbered! Find ways to carve out some time for yourself that don't involve nagging H (who has enough stress) or neglecting kids (who do need you). In my experience, unless you are going to work or volunteer, maintaining sanity and outside contacts most usually involves mommies ganging up to helpe each other! Find someone you think you might enjoy (mother and child both) to have a play date at your house or theirs. If you end up having it on a regular day of the week you can also rotate houses. Just buy a coffee cake and some fruit, make coffee, and invite the other ladies over no matter how messy your house is. (You can even make it 100% covered dish.) They've been there done that. Or go to a park, a library, a museum, a beach together. Even meet at a McDonalds that has an indoor playground -- who cares what the food is like you just need a place for the children to play safely while you can spend some adult time with other moms. If you can't manage to get together with the other moms, you may be able to arrange play dates where you take turns watching children so the other mommy gets some free time. The other thing, coordinate with other moms when you schedule children's activities so that one of you can deliver, the other can pick up, or swap off days totally, and you can often also combine a play date so that the kids have more fun and also one or the other of you gets some free time out of the deal. Honestly, I personally wouldn't bother hubby with this, just get a life. Admittedly, it's a very different life from the one you left behind, but you've got to find a niche in which you are comfortable. You can't sustain a lifestyle in which everyone's needs are met except your own.

quoting hkmama above: "i miss having my own identity, life, career". sound pretty significant to me. anyone really recommend you don't talk to your husband about such feelings?

no matter how hard it is to free yourself up and avoid coming across as nagging?

You need to delegate more responsibility to the maid apart from all of the above advice and find some time for yourself.Being in a new environment takes time to get used to also and until you do you will feel out of the loop.

JOin some women's clubs and make some new friends it's good to talk to others who are in your situation.Hang in there I've been through a similar experience and you will find your rhythm just takes time.Hope you have an understanding hubby.

hkmama111...I am in the same boat, but I haven't worked for a decade and I still miss it. It's incredibly tough being away from friends, losing status, giving to the kids and husband, making everyone ELSE happy and meanwhile, grieving the life, friends and family you left behind. It's totally normal to be sad sometimes. Being a Tata isn't all it's cracked up to be, but it has its perks too. Pls join the AWA and come to our CHATS on Thursday morning at 10 at the JW Marriott. check out the website...www.awa.com or something like that. (American Women's Association)Only 40% of the women are American and whether or not the ladies all have little ones at home, we alll know what you mean and we will put you in touch with other people so you can get together with like-minded people. The locals often don't have any sympathy cuz their moms likely worked and they often work.My mom didn't work, but I did and I miss it. Women are caught between being good girls who stay home and loovvveee doing nothing but wiping butts, playing tag and being intelligent sexy wives who are always willing to play the naughty roles, jump their husbands etc..We often feel badly if we want to work but it's healthy and OK to admit it gets tedious and boring to have groundhog day (like in the movie) sometimes. Of course, I love being at home, and I won't regret it, but it's tough. You lose yourself. My advice is to try and make time to read or do a bit of volunteer work. Join a club, etc. I'd call you and invite you for coffee if I knew where you were. It will take you awhile to find your feet. Be gentle to yourself. This is my 6th country. I'm assuming this is your first move, which would make it the most tiring and confusing. That combined with quitting work from which you had a partial identity would be really tough for anyone. Most men couldn't do our jobs.If we'd been raised in the 50's, we wouldn't have had these issues. It'd all be clearer. We'd bake, drive and never want more, but it's a little more complex than that now.

Good luck. You're not selfish. You're human.If anyone thinks you're a whiner, run and find a new friend.

Well,i would not say i'm a bored housewife.But would say that i needed some friends to talk to when i first came here 1 yrs ago.Admitted that i was homesick at first.Everything was unfamiliar and didn't know a single soul here.I oftened called my friends and family back home.It was terrible at first.....


Till now stituation had got a little better as i found some friends in the same stituation.I would not say they are like best friends back in hometown,but it does help to had someone to talk to.Don't denied the fact that sometimes being here does tired me out mentally.

Hi! I just moved to HK 2 weeks ago. I've got 2 boys and am a stay at home mum with full-time help. Friends back home are taking bets on how long it'll be before I start getting bored as I used to work in quite a fast-paced environment. Truth is I'm enjoying the novelty of having this time to myself and for the family. Know how you feel about hubby travelling lots as mine does too. It is definitely more boring without him as his coming home breaks up the day and gives me something to look forward to.


I've been planning my weeks to have certain highlights, with certain activities and outings for the kids so its not all monotonous. When hubby is back, we leave the kids home and have a night help. It definitely makes me feel more normal, as much as I adore my kids, I definitely need my space and adult company some time too. Send me a PM and we can catch up.

Just tell him that you are taking off, alone, on a day when he is not at the office and go and be selfish.


The fact that he is selfish and inconsiderate should not mean that you get stuck with the hard work.


If you have help at home, isn't it time he took you along on a trip or two during the school vacations? Exploring foreign places will give you time alone and make your life more interesting.

I had tears rolling down my face reading this. You need to speak to your husband. This was my life, I tried to talk to him but he wasn't listening eventually I ended up on a path of self destruction trying to cure what I thought was 'boredom' by spoiling myself and having 'me' time with friends which was all great, but what i really was missing was my partner. The man i loved and married as a young girl full of romantic ideals. He was married to work, not to me anynmore. I enjoyed doing the things for my children but it still left a lot of lonely long days and nights when my husband was away with work. Your get married to share your life with another not to simply have someone pay for a lifestyle etc. Many women are happy with this set up but I like you became resentful. Go to a relationship counsellor if he doesn't take you seriously or listen. Not saying there are problems in your marriage now, but if you don't talk about it guaranteed there will be. I am now separated from my husband after he refused to get help, then when i finally met someone else he begged me to go to counselling i felt hurt and abused that he wouldn't go when i had begged him suicidal to go with me but now because he had decided it was time we should go. Talk to him, get him to really understand your feelings. Men sometimes need to be knocked on the head, he is your best friend here and he needs to support you and take responsibility for your well being and be there to have fun with you and listen. I could go on and on but I really don't believe we are just suppose to sit back and accept it because we chose to marry and have kids. Lots of us did this not really realising how life would be we were modelled from a very young age to do these things and when we discover they aren't all we were told they were it is very shocking and confronting. You are not selfish, you are a livng person with feelings. Ignore all of those judgemental women, they wouldn't know for a second how you feel - they don't live your life, and they aren't married to your husband either. You know in your heart what is happening listen to it and please talk, talk, talk, to your husband he needs to know. Be strong and be positive, you deserve a level of love and respect and that shouldn't be reflected in how much money he brings home or how many helpers you have it is more than that. I wish you all the best and lots of happiness in the future. My marriage of 10 yrs didn't survive this, once you scrape away the luxury, money and help it can be quite a boring place really.