Posted by
inconstant
17 yrs ago
Haven't been happy for so long, so-called happiness to me was just a flash in the pan all along, or I rather say it hasn't happened for me, I've never been in love, and I really hope to own those loving feeling. I really dont know why I am so unlucky.
Help me!
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Seldom date men, and with a limited circle of life, perhaps this is why??? I am still single and know never been unloved. What a life I have(sigh).
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go out and have fun,gf! life is too short to mope around by yourself
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Hey inconstant
sorry to hear you're struggling there - you sound a little depressed - have you thought about counselling?
happiness is not about what happens to us, but how we react to the events themselves... so start changing your perspective... maybe make a gratitude list (write down all the things you have to be grateful for in your life, all the things & people you love and love you... no matter how small or how silly) and start doing more of things you love
love yourself and love your life - and you'll find your love when you're ready
there's a great book by a chap called Dan Baker called "What Happy People Know" - can't recommend it highly enough - get it off Amazon
good luck
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aloneforaday, I Know that life is short, I was always told that, but I can’t be really cheerful when I hang out with friends, even at bars sometimes.
Kate71, thank you so much for your positive advice. Actually I have thought that, because I feel that I might have some psychologic problem or out of control in incretion, but my period is always fine.
In fact, I am not really in the negative attitude, I just always confused why a lady like me is so unlucky, always met wrong men who only focus on sexuality, it doesn’t mean I don’t like sex, for me it’s also the important thing in reality, but men who I met didn’t consider a serious relationship lead to marriage. What I always dream is that I wish meet someone who really love me, who I can share my love with, warm each others heart,mind,and body and soul, nevertheless, it hasn’t happened for me. I have really no idea, and feel lonely and frustrated. I think nobody can help me, it is all my fate.
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I share your emotions and feelings, my dear inconstant. I'm 44 and I still haven't met that my life partner but I'm trying my best to have a joyful life - like going travelling to different countries (I'm in France at the moment; I don't find frenchmen attractive and majority are smokers) exploring different cultures and places, make new friends, enjoy and appreciate the friendships, etc................
Take care and cheer up girl :-)
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There are times when my girlfriends and I lament about the same thing, usually when we are between boyfriends/dates and the Saturday calendar is empty. The questions you are asking is the same, why are smart and attractive women like us unable to meet the right guy to love and who loves us right back (especially when we see less attractive girls walking around with their guys), that its not only about sex, etc.
I guess at the end of the day, I have learnt that things will happen when its meant to happen. Cliche, I know but its has some grains of truth in it. Try forcing the hand of fate, you may end up with less than a happy result. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to discourage you by saying, "don't go looking for love, let love come to you" and all passive talk... I just believe that if you go out more, and maybe sign up with a dating service to give some structure to your social calendar, and see when it leads you?
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If current lifestyle is not working and you are not happy, do something different.
There's a saying " It's insane to expect different results, if you are doing the same way".
(no insult intended, just wanted to share this)
Change some of your routine, so that you build a bigger circle of friends, explore other recreational activities.
Are you an Expat or local in Beijing? If Expat, life can be lonely, so join their network.
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Inconstant, if you reside in BJ, you can have quite a lifestyle. Make some good local gfs and hang around with them. Travel extensively and just be happy with whom you are.
I was rather cynical about men as well until I met my current bf. Feeling very much in love. So, just be patient and wait for your turn. Cheer up!
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Hey Inconstant
I was single for a long time and then had a series of relationships that didn't go anywhere - all my mates (males included) would tell me they didn't know why I was single - blah blah blah
then I realised a couple of things - that the image I put out to the world wasn't the whole story - so when I met men, they didn't see my vulnerable side... it's a cliche but it's true - men need to be needed... if they don't see that, they don't see a place for themselves in your life... ever wondered why successful, competent women are often single while their demanding counterparts aren't? I'm not suggesting that you should be anything that you're not (and I don't know how you are when you're with men) but don't be scared to (slowly) show your vulnerable soft side
the other thing I realised was that I expected a man not to stick around - I thought it was my "fate" to be single... we often do - we believe that happiness is for others... it's not true... change the thoughts going round in your head and understand that there are plenty of decent men out there who would love to spend their lives with you
meantime, there's nothing less attractive than a sad, bitter woman (I'm not saying you are) and there's nothing more attractive than a bubbly open happy lady... enjoy your life (including the men who come your way) until the right guy comes along for you
btw - counselling is not for people who have chemical imbalances - it's for anyone who's going through a bit of a rough patch and could do with a safe space to talk and get a different perspective on life
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I generally agree with flashback, Csun and Kate,
I would only want to add that sometimes it also works not to put your expectations up too high as to who you are looking for, give people a chance.
Good relationships work because people look at eachother and forgive eachothers weaknesses. Eventually every man/woman has his/her flaws learning to live with them (if possible) makes relationships work. Tolerance and patience should be your keywords.
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I fully understand what your thought actually,i got same problem with you,my dear friend,i am yong and single,have been tired my best to enlarge my social circle,but i didnt find good way to do that,others suggestions is that better to know friends through internet or go somewhere else,but the problems was we couldnt meet right person while we go this kind of place.
i rejected one guy requirement to be a lover,he said i will kill myself if i do that way cause i dont know whats the meaning of real life? i changed my mind to pay attention to my work and study,when i have free time i would like to go out meet my female friends,watched interesting movies,read book.
i couldnt give you any clue about how to deal with the problems,just hope you feel better for this thread.good luck
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