??

The reason I post here is to ask for opinions from neutral person, see how things really are from those whom are not biased and from ‘un-gossiped’ conversations.


I relocated and uprooted from my secured paying job to HK because of the family we are going to build. I bought my own airfare here and survive on my own savings the first 5 months here without asking for a single cent on top of having to pay for my mom’s rent back home. The first month when I started work, I almost emptied my savings because of the daily travels around HK, Kowloon & NT and overseas attachment (work-related), plus the daily basic meals.


We had a 4 months old baby back then and were taken care by my in-laws. So, dutifully, I discuss with my spouse that I shall contribute an amount of $ for his mom and how much he thinks is the right amount since it is his own mom. To my shock, he answered with an answer that makes me feel that I am asking for his $.


Fast forward to now which is almost 4 years.


So now, he pay for his own mom, mortgage, utilites, bills, rates, basic groceries, bought a few electrical applicances and the compulsory exterior wall renovation.


And I contribute with basic groceries, electrical appliances for the house includes a lcd tv/hdmi, a dvd player/hdmi, another harddisk dvd player and a few others, almost all clothings, dvd media & books for the kid.


We share the kid’s school fees, bus, other school activities and capital levy. I offer to pay for the debenture first as he is already paying for the big chunks of mortgage.


We do get some little things for each other, like mobile phones, watches, camera, etc, etc.


We brought his parents for 4 trips overseas in Australia, Thailand and Singapore (his parents have not been to one 30years ago). All of the trips we share and last Australia trip, we paid 25K each.


Each time he says that I did not contribute as much as he is, I am meaningless to him here and I did nothing for him or the house. Each time we argue for tiny things, he will tell me to pack my bags and leave his house. He says the books and dvd media are not necessities, so it is not considered as contribution. (His mom said once the same things to me too, so I know he listened to the many gossips around). All I earned, I spend all for myself, that’s what he said. I am extremely upset about this continuous remarks each time there is an argument. He and his parents only think that he works for all the things and my contribution is from the sky. I had enough hurt from these.


Each time he says I did nothing for him, so I started to mention the things I contribute and he will start to say I did all the counting and keeping all the scores. I had enough of these. What should I do?

i guess it depends on how much money you make. Are you working? Is your salary higher or lower than his?

If you were a stay-at-home mum, he would have to pay for everything...so if he nags you about not contributing enough, tell him that you are considering leaving your job and caring for your child yourself. That should make him realise that he has had it very good till now.

Forgot to mention that he is making slightly more than I do..


I once joke and say that if I am not working and stay at home and care for the kid, he becomes mad and say that he has no rice to feed me at home.


I am very lost. These days I rarely go to his parents house for dinner. He will have dinner at his mom's place and bring the child back after dinner. He doesn't care anything about me.


I feel very insulted and hurt.

Sounds like he is getting it from his parents for not giving them more, more, more. The only way he can do that is to get you to cough up more money because this 'boy' doesn't want to tell his mummy "no" and that he can't afford to run and pay for two households.


Why can't his parents pay a single bill? Why is he expected to support them 100% at the expense of your family?


You are clearly not getting any respect from your husband or parents-in-law, so you have a choice to make. (1) Put up with the greedy parents-in-law and their son who puts you and your child in second place (2) seek financial counselling or (3) leave.

I have to clarify that his parents pay their own bills. He is not supporting them 100% as you said, but his mom demands his monthly supporting payment on time. This is not the issue here and I do not want to know any of their exchanges. He said 'hire maid also have to pay', of course, this is absolutely true, that's the reason I raise this out even before my first pay check.


He is a good spouse who takes care of the household. But the problem is, he thinks I don’t. My in-laws mentioned the same way too. I have contribute much, if not the same or equal or more. Have I not done all I have to do??

maybe i sound harsh ... but since you are listing all the things he pays/you pay. and you claim you are doing just as much.


why can't you just show him your bank account and saving? the argument you have daily about money shows a serious lack of trust. where does it come from in the first place? if you both know each other finances, there shouldn't be this problem, right?


or is he simply just asking you to work 2-3 jobs at a time to make more money?


and why can't you two re-arrange who pays what if the "types of expenses" value so much? for the whatever thousand dollars you spend on children books or clothes or groceries, just switch it to the mortgage if it means so much to him and his family.


i'm sorry, but i really can't feel your problem here. it could have been solved quite easily if either of you are not so stubborn about where/how much/which.

There was a good thread about "Giving Money to Parents" over in Speakers Corner (now defunct)about this topic.


Culture has a lot to say in this especially from a Chinese family's point of view.It is the "duty" of the children to support parents in their old age and this is also true of some European families.


You don't say where you are from or your husband's nationality but from what I can gather there are other more significant issues here at play rather than just who pays for what and your husban's accusations that you are not contributing 'enough'.


More information is needed about this.


Arguments about money are at the centre of most quarrels in married life but your husband's treatment of you here is making you feel very low,not respected,efforts not recognized and unappreciated as a person.


There is more to life than money and the way you are going with both your husband and your in-laws supporting each other and you being made to feel inadequate is a recipe for more trouble.


If you had a bottomless bag of money would your husband respect you more?Maybe your attitude is annoying him or as I said,other factors.Give us more insight into the situation.