Break up or save it ? Need advice Please

I've been living with a 30's Scotish guy after 3 months of trying ,I feel hard to breath ...


While he joined into my life , he was bankrupt as he said and jobless. And I was jobless too but I have some savings. So I paid everything as I thought as a couple , always should support each other , either finically or mentally.


2 months later , luckily he got a good job and his life is back on track ...am still struggling ... Meanwhile , my savings are burned out faster coz of his coming to my life , he also borrowed lots of money to buy clothes , shoes , notebook , etc.

While he got the 1st salary , I expected he would return me owings asap . NO, 1st thing he cares about himself .He returned me a small % of $ which I can not cover all bills at all.

Plus all small daily details which are showing him is such a selffish man! I feel I'm used as a maid & a ATM machine since the beginning ! Upset me a lot and a big fool I'm !!


Well , I helped him in anyways I can . In return I'm struggling at the bottom of life now !


He always say 50% to 50% of sharing bills . Fine as I'm always living in this way . But I don't expect a guy to use my money . Take fully advantages so natually . How shameful !

He said he would pay me back and in the future if I still being jobless , No prob. he will pay all bills ...

While I look at his selfish face , I'm very doubting about ??? And I told him I will always pay my part of bills , I don't need you one cent!



1. Finance is a major issue in a relationship . 2. But more important is while I'm living at the downpoint, I expect him to encourage /support me , care me more ! Besides pale words he gave me ' don't worry, keep positive' etc.

3.Communication is also another important thing in the relationship . He and I work in very diff. fields .In fact , we have less words day by day ...


Some funny things :I bought him a shirt over HKD500 .He gave me a cheap t-shirt from temple street as return while he has his salaries in pocket. He never buy me a movie and he like to pay himself HKD500 to watch the Thai. boxing . As I'm so worrying about my job and money, I'm not happy , so less smiles . He blamed me after a long day of work , he doesn't want to see such a long face ...

He really doesn't know how to treat a woman ?!

Specailly I'm the one who supported him out of the hardest life period.


I'm very confused now . Emotionally I just want to kick him out of my house , why shall I stay with such a selfish , unresponsible guy ?

On the other hand , I saw his faithful, hard working and positive sides , shall I give him another chance to improve ???

Insipre me Pls.

Lavaflow, I think in your heart you already know the answer. Listen to your instincts.


One of the worse things a woman can do is rationalise a man's behaviour or justify why he is "good".


In a relationship you need to feel good. He needs to help/support that. If he doesn't, you deserve better, really. Don't make yourself miserable by excusing his behaviour.

He sounds like a canny Scot to me! But his financial accumen aside, I'd give the old in with the heid and then with the boot. Metaphorically of course! Or you could tell him 'pick yer windae, yer leavin'. (Glaswegian for "I have had enough of you my dear boy and I shall drop you out the window of your choice") Metaphorically of course.


I understand there are cultural differences at work here, but simply put, he's just taking advantage of you. Give him the red card.

lava your question seems to be. Is he going to get better or is he just going to continue to be a miserable tightwad? from what you are saying, it sounds like he has no problem spending money, but doesn't want to spend it on you. push the launch button dear.

by the way, you pay for the guy?? where to find more girls like you

Hello, Tks. for so many frank feedbacks just in one night. Here are a few more points I want to say :


I'm a very independent woman , either in finical or in the daily life. I take care of all housework. Since a kid, my family taught me to earn $$ by doing housework , delivery milk or newpapers , etc. So I'm not the type of women who

reply on somebody to live at all .

Since he joined in , I cook , laundry for him , clean house , etc. Since I'm free at home . Fine , never mind. But in my eyes , an adult is supposed to look after himself . Housework I prefer to be shared.


I'm a generous person if you know me . As a couple , I believe they should support/help each other always. Why I started counting on him this or that later on ...because I'm getting more disappointed by his selfish behaviors and thoughts. Always taking , never giving ... I felt I lost the balance !

I bought him a shirt HKD500 while I had the job. He bought me a t-shirt from temple street or Mongkok and he has his salary. I consider it more like a joke . But look deeperly behind the money , I saw the attitude he treated me back which is so upset. This is the way he treated a person who helped him out of hard time ?!

I'm not materialistic, he knew this clearly.

I won't ask for one cent from him if continue jobless , He knew this also very clearly.

If someone really cares you , even he buys you a bigmac , you will feel the sweetness inside , agree ?


Someone mentioned the cluture diff. here , well , culture do affect people's behaviors and minds.

For example , Chinese worship 'be modest , considerable'.Western focus on' independent , self-centre'.

A typical example : I bought a box of strawberry and I awaited him home and shared together . Another day I bought another box , he ate it all while I opend the fridge.

Seems it's not a big deal , I can buy another box . But I feel upset inside .

I don't think any type of culture apprecaite' selfish , unresponsible' etc. We are all human being , everybody you can say has the selfish side. But everything should have a proper line!


Yes, my heart told me to walk away...but look at his hardworking, faithful and positive sides .Inside there is still a small voice : maybe he will improve ???

I sent him an e-mail 2 day ago to tell him what I saw , feel ... this is becoming a sad relationship and I can not bear his selfness anymore. blah , blah, blah. That night , he went home and didn't ask me to cook , normally no matter how late , I will cook for him . Last night , he asked me if change him to sleep on the sofa ?

I feel odd. Is something he started improving ??? or I just have another day dream ???

Oh dear!! I don't see how such selfishness can change. Let's face it, he hasn't done ANYTHING to show you that he appreciates what you've done for him. He spends on himself and he asks to split 50/50 when before he WAS living off you. Plus, what has he done for you when he got his first salary? It's not like he's made an effort to make you feel special.


I personally would not want to spend the rest of my life with such a man. I can foresee problems.


I agree that in a western culture, 50/50 is the fairest way to go but that's ONLY when you don't owe the other party anything. He owes you...And if he's strict with his 50/50 rule, why don't you go ask him back for the FULL AMOUNT he owes you? Play the "Western culture rule" too, in life with his beliefs.


Once you guys are at levels with your finances, you won't feel like you've been taken for a ride and he won't feel that either. Start clean again and see how the relationship goes from there....


Personally though, I would get my money back, then run from the relationship.

Forget about the money sister. Believe me it will cost you more to get it back. Just run. View it as an important lesson. Your happiness and peace of mind are priceless.

Hee Larius. Just for your information Scottish people are generous to a fault. However they do not suffer fools and always look for value for money. This guy that is being described here is not the way he is because he is Scottish, but more to do with the fact that he is a total and complete TOSSER, who has very little empathy or morals.


Lavaflow - sanity is worth more than money. Listen to your gut and heart they are telling you what to do, but your head is trying to reason with your internal dilemma. From the information you are giving, he is not returning the investment you have made in him both emotionally and financially. It is obvious to the outsiders that this isn't going to work, but unfortunately that is not as clear when in your shoes. Trust your instinct and heart. the rest will work itself out. All the best and never give up

Hello , Tks. again for all your encouragements to me !

I should stop any expecting on him and just get most of oweings back then move on ... I do need those money back to repack my life.

How could I skillfully to get that before kicking him out ? He needs to work several months more to earn salaries then able to do that. But I can not bear to live with him several months more :( I want to clean it in Aug.


If he knows that I finally will break up with him , will he just run away with 8 legs in one night without pay me one cent more ? I don't think so . Mostly I guess he will play the sugar games to soft me and continue living here . I already have no money , what else he wants from me ??? Sex- forget about it! I slept on sofa over weeks and I want my bed back . Again he did not pay one cent on it . How can he feel so comfortable lying there and see me on the sofa ?!

Life will teach him some morals oneday though it's not my business anymore .

If more months = heartache + more money losses, then forget the money, just kick him out. Not worth expecting anymore out of this relationship, I'm afraid.


Why are you on the sofa anyway? He should be the one there, not you. Geez, what an awful man.


I'm afraid you'll need to see it as money you've spent teaching you life's lesson. Next time you will know NOT to trust someone so quickly. I don't mean this sarcastically but in good faith.


Tell him it isn't working and that you want him to move out by the end of the week. Then change your locks. If he hasn't cleared his stuff by then, you can leave them by the door. If he tries to win you back, will you "buy" his sweet talk? I hope not. This is a guy who lets his girlfriend sleep on the sofa!!

change the lock and have his stuff sent back to his office.


There is noway to get the money back unless he wants to give you. Maybe u can only blame urself why u didn't check out what type of person he was before moving in with him.

yeah , it's an expensive life lesson I'm taking .

I do want to get those money back , at least 50%. I have a little left in my pocket and if I can get those money back , my life will be back to normal though am in a jobless situation.

He threated me last night: if I ask him to move out this weekend . I won't get one cent back!


Have you met such an ugly person ? I want to go extremely now -- change the lock today , so he won't get in my house anymore . About all his belongings , I will return eventually depends on how much he pays me back .

If I do so , will cause me to a life threat then ???


By the way , He just got the working visa in HK . so one more bad man appears in this city , ... sigh...

I cannot see any confusion point, as you seem don't want to be an ATM, and why keep on doing something you don't want to? It's all about personality, he maybe a hard working guy and be rich one day, but do you think he will pay you back by then?? Based on what you said,...I don't think so.

Haha, JC. Men should have just stayed in Mars where they belong ;-)

Kick him out of the house.

Like a leopard, this guy will never change his spots.


He's a user. A relationship is supposed to be one of equality.


You know the answer.

The end of this true story is I kicked him out this weekend. He didn't say Tku. instead of many dirty/insulting words while walked out of the door ...never mind.

It seemed all about money issues that caused this relationship failed.But I saw more serious things behind the money,,,

He blamed me I should give him more time till he earns more salaries ,,,and he will return all oweings even pay my living expenses if I'm still jobless... he said as a couple , look after each other is a natural thing ...oneday while I go on biz trips , he will take care of all housework... blah , blah blah.

He shared more housework with me recently plus this kind of sugarwords that made me keeping on dreaming ... Till

Last weekend he brought a box of condoms home , he returned home early morning with a drunk face.He explained his mate put it into his pocket.

'Honest' is the first also the last rule in my concepts. He lost it .He hit my bottom line.

He returned me 30% of oweings so far, he said he will return all oweings in the coming months ... I leave it as that.

Money I can make it back while start working ...


Why I post my story here ? I want to get a neutral view for the whole thing . Also diff. has diff. views .

I think most of people write here are truth but also added their own judgements and emotions . I do the same.


Now time to pick up myself back . I paid a not light lifelesson . Is anything I handled not well that I need to improve ? I believe a failed relationship is from both sides' responsiblities.


There are lots of selfish users outside my door... I keep on being kind, being modest But I want to learn to be more careful, be wiser.

Tku. for all your good advice to me ! See , there are also lots of good-hearted people around this world :)