Posted by
MarieM
17 yrs ago
I am in a messy relationship with two man for 3 years and recently I am forced to make a decision/ selection...One is married and not able to divorce in short term and the other one is ready to get married with me at anytime.
People might advise me to kick away the married one...but I finally kick away the single one. Just becauase I choose what I love! Sounds stupid??
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Hi Marie i feel sorry for you as breaking up is hard married or not.It's hard to make a decision about love as love is ever changing. i don't think "kicking away" the single guy is the wrong thing.Not every situation is black and white and sometimes people who are married are just trapped nobody can tell you if you have done the right think or not but congratulations on being strong enough to follow your heart. Good luck.Dazza
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MarieM, the answer is quite simple. You are not suited to either.
1) The married guy would have given you a very clear decision NOW if he wanted to be with you. That is, he would leave his wife/divorce her IMMEDIATELY so that your decision would be easier. He hasn't, by the sounds of it. No such thing as "I cannot" in the short-term. If he doesn't want to lose you during a crucial decision-making time, he would make the move IMMEDIATELY.
2) With the second guy, I'm sure he loves you but the problem is you. You don't love him enough to ditch the married guy. If you love this single guy, you would have been so happy that you've found someone unattached and can get married to. But obviously you're not.
So if I were you, I would just end both relationships and find one that I feel I can spend the rest of my life with.
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Goloh
17 yrs ago
Seems like GemmaW has it spot on. Move on.
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I think it really depands what u want out of it.
If u wanna be a mistress then u can continue and don't even need to think about anything else but urself..Just do all the fun but ready to get hurt at the end.
If you expect him to leave the wife and be serious with you..ie getting married and etc...i guess that's not gonna happen.
So just do what u like but prepare for the worst.
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NO! You won't be happy if you get married with someone you don't love. Just love whoever you really love in heart. BUT, please don't force him to divorce, or you are a bad one.
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I think you have done the right thing by ditching the single guy. The married guy is definately the right one for you. He'll probably keep you hanging on forever with the promise of marraige. Heck, he's probably had a kid or will have one with his wife during the time you are together.
Anyone who is selfish enough to ruin a family in turn deserves to be unhappy.
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If I were you , I will choose the single guy because the married guy may not divorce. He may tell you he will or planning to do that but guy can not trust, especially married guy.
I understand you choose the married guy because you love him but will you happy with him in this situation ? Did he tell you when he will divorce ?
Anyway, may be I am wrong ....... good luck.
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Having a relationship with a married man is a losing enterprise.
You will always be second to the demands of his wife and children - and you left waiting for a call that never comes.
Time to shape up and get a single guy.
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MarieM, I my view, you do not love both the guys. As you were two timing on both!!
Neither does the married guy love you, esp. if he knows that you had another guy on the side too. For him it is an easy situation where he feels no guilt either!
At best, both of you are definitely made for eachother, and will continue with your flings even if you got to live with eachother.
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leg7
17 yrs ago
In my view, you don't love both the guys. You're challenging to see if you can win the married guy over his wife, that's why you chose him.
When a man decides to marry someone, it means that he has made his mind about who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. It proves clearly in your case, he doesn't want to divorce his wife.
If you ask me why he stays with you? well some man want to have a good wife who stays at home, cooks, cleans, produces babies..etc and at the same time he wants to prove that he's still attractive by having someone else on the side. so if you want him to marry you,forget about it.
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Yes, I think it is extremely stupid. If I were a single woman, I'd take a young, new, single man anyday over an old, used, second-hand divorced man with excess baggage.
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What comes around, goes around. Stop doing it to other people if you don't want it happening to you.
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Do you guys not think this woman sounds like a total female dog?! I mean, "I am in a messy relationship with two man for 3 years" ... Three years she's been having an affair with some poor woman's husband, and three years she's been stringing along the other guy who was willing to marry the cheating harpie.
I hope the married guy strings her along and breaks her heart because she doesn't deserve anything!
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jwm: I meant my statement both ways. If men dump their wives for young, single women because they don't find their current wives attractive, then those single women shouldn't find those men attractive either because they should also be interested in young, single men. I don't single out either gender when I say divorced people may not be attractive to single, never-married people.
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Hey you did the right thing!! Carpe Diem!! Forget all the pious advice on here and get on with whatever your instincts tell you. There is no such thing in life as 'right' or 'wrong'. Life passes in an instant, you have the right to be happy and live your own life.
I am in Shanghai, a Professor at the University of Mystery and Purple Dreams here.
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thank you all for the reply to Marie's post. It really touched me and made me cry a little bit. I am a young asian woman who got entangled with a married man without my knowledge. more than three years ago i met him in a very romantic beach resort. in short he became my BF. he said he is divorced for more than five years and is living with two of his kids. it was fine for me coz he is a very loving guy. we talk a lot and it seemed that we are compatible in almost everything: from food choices, job, thoughts, plans, wants, etc. We get along so well and we care for each other a lot. i thought he loved me so much. i thought i am the only one for him bcoz i thought men of his age wouldnt find a smart and attractive young woman like me. To make a long story short: i found out that i am not the only one, theres three more GF i knew and worst is HE IS NOT DIVORCED!!!! and to make it even worst HE PROPOSED TO MARRY ME LAST YEAR AND I SAID YES. that was before i found out about the his other girls and wife. HE PROPOSED TO ME BEFORE I FOUND OUT EVERYTHING.
He betrayed my love and he decieved me from the very start. i feel so ashamed of myself. i felt like wanting to disappear. i thought of leaving him many times but everytime i thin about it i feel so afraid of the process it self. i start thinking of my freinds and family who are all expecting for the big day. i start thinking about whats going to happen to him when i am not there anymore. i am afraid he will be hurt. i dont want to hurt him but at the same time i feel guilty coz i know now that he is married.
i tried talking to his wife but she doesnt answer me. i sent her mails whcih wasnt answered at all. i am despperate and confused.
he said the divorce is getting finalise now but our wedding date is a month away.
FOR MARIE:
ID LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT THE WORST WILL COME TO YOU AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT WOULD HURT YOU.
I AM SUFFERING BECAUSE OF THE SIN IVE DONE. I WENT WITH A MARRIED MAN AND NOW THE HURT I FEEL IS THOUSAND TIMES BIGGER COMPARED TO THE JOY HE BROUGHT TO MY LIFE.
SOMETIMES I FEEL SO UNFAIR BCOZ I GET PUNISHED FOR BEING SO INNOCENT. HE KEPT ME IN THE DARK FOR SO LONG BUT FOR YOU, YOU HAVE AN ADVANTAGE COZ FROM THE VERY START YOU KNEW HE IS MARRIED.
I WAS DECIEVED AND BELIEVED THAT HE IS A SINGLE MAN WHEN I STARTED THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM YET I AM BEING PUNISHED NOW. HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU THINK WILL BE YOUR PUNISHMENT WITH THE FACT THAT YOU KNEW HE IS MARRIED WHEN YOU GET ENTANGLED WITH HIM.
kind regards,
Mel
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RossM
17 yrs ago
Hi Mel,
Break off all contact with the dog and cut him loose! 3 other girlfriends and a wife and you say you're a month away from marrying him?
Do yourself a favour and get rid of him and find a single man to date, the bloke is scum.
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Mel - foreigners are obviously taking advantage of gullible girls like yourself. Do yourself a favor, in fact, do WOMEN a favor, but cutting all ties to him. He's a cheater, plain and simple.
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