I am curious - what makes a man want to have kids? and what makes a woman want have kids? Can you share with me your reason why? Thanks.
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I can come up with hundreds of reason for not having kids, but can't have one for why to have. Am as curious as you and waiting to see why?
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No matter what some people might like to believe, e.g. that humans are different from other animals, humans are hardwired in the brain for reproduction as a biological imperative, just the same way as every other creature on this planet is. Some do break this programming and decide not to reproduce. But for others, the need to reproduce consumes their lives and can even destroy their relationships.
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if someone doesnt like garlic nor wishes to have them, they shouldn't wonder why other people like them, particularly if they are not interestd in giving it a try ever
Somehow a few acquaintances who profess to not wanting kids end up collecting lots and lots of animals. Like 13 furry friends. I guess the biological urge is then focused on animals?
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From someone who used to be totally pregnancy/ baby/ kid phobic as well - it's now, for me, a matter of the onset of aging, hormones, and the luck of meeting an absolutely wonderful man who would be the best dad ever... and now I can't wait to have his babies (sad as that may sound). Must say though, I'm still not a fan of other people's brats at all.
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788
17 yrs ago
My brain, when detached from the heart and feelings, can still come up with more reasons not to have kids than to have. Yet, we are going through fertility treatments. Doesn't make sense, does it?
My brain still thinks having a kid is an act of selfishness in the first place. Its all about my wanting to feel a whole new set of emotions, actions, whatever with the person I love. I am at peace with it!
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There are some people who really want kids,
There are those who don't.
I thought I didn't until my second wife got pregnant. Unfortunatley she lost the baby.
Now I want a baby and my wife does not.
There is not always rhyme or reason.
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gwern
17 yrs ago
This is such and interesting thread. I so agree with Saikunga and JC. My 'babies' are now teenagers with ALL the problems that go with that. They cause me heartache, pain, tears frustration, agony,worry and above all financial hardship!! but the happiness, joy, pleasure, fun, life and love they bring me far outweighs that. I would throw myself in front of a bus for them..and I love my life! I also know that it isn't for everyone and don't believe in saying 'YES do it it's great!' I became pregnant as a teen and it wasn't in my plan for life but I wouldn't change all the ups and downs we've had. To plan it must be daunting and scary and we're not all natural parents and we don't all want to do it....but Aijin if you think we have kids to control them you are so not educated in how kids work...I wish it was that simple...hell no! If you think we do it so we have someone in our image...hell no!...any parent would tell you that that children from very early on are their own people and control is not in our vocabulary!! Guidance?...well I hope so...
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my husband said he never thought about kids until he met me. but when he met me, he thought that even if we did have an unplanned pregnancy, it was for once not a scary thought. we have a 17 month old whom he fell in love with from day 1, would do anything for and another due in jan.
i always wanted kids. but when i had my #1, man, it was a real shock to the system. you feel an overwhelming amount of love for the child and feel the need to protect him but the responsibility and stress that came along with the new baby was also staggering.
but 17 months down the road, i don't think we can imagine life without our little one. yes, it means you are unlikely to ever have a nice lie in during the weekends again, that you'll be spending money on more rubbish toys (that you swore you would never bye), you stay up all night lying on the floor next to the cot when baby is sick, you cook meals that get rejected....and i expect the teenage years to be a rough road if he's going to be anything like his parents. it's a bloody tough job but when he says the first word, does silly things, dances, kisses you, etc it sounds totally sappy to say it but it's totally worth it. you feel like you can do anything for them. and i agree with saikunga, i didn't get it before but now i totally do.
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1) The little cutie pie that carry the looks of the lovers;(2)someone you can talk, cuddle and love for at least 15 years or more; (3)spice up a meaningless life;(4)contribute to the decreasing population;(5) have someone your very blood & flesh to take over your wealth; (6)Prove that you can be a proud & successful great parent; (7) See your failed dreams or goals comes true from your little ones; (8)Best way to spend your loads of free time (breeding kid/s)....etc
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(9)Hopefully, there will be someone taking care of you when you age till you die; (10) an excuse to visit the disneyland..etc as an adult without being snare or mock at.
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This is how it works.
1) You get married, then you wonder if you're ready to have kids. Most of the time if you have not been exposed to children, you would say, "Can I do it? I'm really not that INTO children". But you have it anyway because it is your next step thinking, "Oh if I don't have them now, I will regret it".
2) Then you go on to have them. And when you do, you think, "I can't imagine my life without children. What was I doing before I had them? Nothing spectacular".
3) When they start rebelling, you think, "What was I thinking of when I decided to have children?"
4) When they leave home, you think "Life is so lonely without them".
5) Then when you become a grandmother, you start to remember why you've had kids.
Anyway, my point is.....
If you ask your question to someone who's single or just married, you get response no. 1)
Ask it to someone who is recently married, you get response no. 2)
Ask it to someone who has teenage children, you get response no. 3)
Then ask it to the elderly, and you'll get response no. 4)
By asking this, I'm almost 100% sure that you are either single or in category no 1). Yes?
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I had my children very early and now they are in their teens. Even though I can't remember life without responsibility, there has never been one single moment of regret. My sons make life so fullfiling, they are a reason for looking forward to coming home each day. Yes, they are cheeky teens but they are also incredible individuals, its been so facinating watching them develop into these awesome human beings . They have encouraged and advised me in so many areas of my life- they are friends for life, nothing they do will ever change the way I feel aout them. Nothing could happen to diminich this overwhelming love I have for them. Nothing not even death.
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This is one relationship you don't break, or drag for the heck of it! They're yours for a lifetime!
They give joy, and yes, they invade your privacy and annoy you but when you're in bed at night reviewing your day, they put a smile on your lips and make you complete....
I'll say people with kids are plain LUCKY.
On another note -- it's an ultimate gift of love for people who are deeply in love. For others, of course, it is just plain love of kids.
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i dislike kids when i was in 20s, now am in 30s i really want to have baby. to me get elder made me changed.
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