Why do I have a feeling that I am wasting my life?

I always believe that human beings are meant to live together, not alone. When you have someone you love to share your life, life is becoming more beautiful; everything is getting more colorful. And you become stronger. I know that a relationship needs to be maintained by being open minded, considerate, understanding, tolerant, compromising, I think I have all these virtues. Physically I am not that bad, maybe a little bit old for some people, I am in my 40’s. and I am well traveled, well educated, well established. But why I am sitting here reading you guys talking, debating about bad, or good relationship, with a feeling that life fleeting by without my participation? Why can’t I find myself a partner? Have tried internet dating…but till now, I have not yet had some success… what should I do?

JC said it better than i could.


I am puzzled at your opening "I have a feeling that i am wasting my life". What makes you think that having a man around will provide fulfillment?


You are in charge of your life, you are the one making decisions, if you are not happy, then change something about your life. If you expect a man to provide meaning to your life, you are going to be disappointed.


Maybe you should make a mental list of what is missing in your life...you might realise that a man is not the answer.


And there is plenty of men in China...it depends what you are looking for. If you miss sex and intimacy, you can get that at any age, a lot of men can't say no to any decent-looking woman who seductively hints at the possibility of an after-dinner.

Let's not forget that most men in their 20s fantasize about older women...maybe you need to tap into that age group...just be warned: once you try a 25 y/o it might get difficult to revert to men your age.


If company is higher on your list, try the over 50. Not all of them want to take viagra and hang out with 20 y/o girls. Some cherish the company of a lady they can actually talk to.


If Internet dating isn't your thing, go out more, and don't forget that even at 60 you can still seduce a man!

Yes, I know that I am in control of my life, and man is not everything. But a woman without man is not a full life. Female needs a male to be a real female. Women need to be cherished, loved, protected, even a very strong successful woman needs to feel this, like men in their nature need to feel being able to protect and support their woman...


It is not only the intimacy part that I miss, it's also that I need to have the feeling to have a man beside me, to have someone to talk, to share the beauty of life, no matter how small they might be. And need to know that when I am sick, there is someone who can bring me hot water, who can remind me to take pills. And I will do the same to him with affection, not like a medical aid.


I do not fancy young guys although I do know and have experienced how mature and caring they can be because I had been married with one who is much younger than me during 10 years... No, I am not for sexual adventure.


I think internet is a very good way to get to know people but seems that in Guangzhou there are not many available guys... Right?

Do you have any good friends in GZ? Good friends are a treasure, and they can be far more supportive than a lot of men. I make soup for my friends when they get sick, and they go into town to do my shopping if i feel too rough to do it myself.

I remeber kicking a live-in partner out of my flat because when i was very very sick he went out with his mates, and came back the following morning, totally drunk. His excuse was "you were sick, so i thought i could as well stay out all night given that you are not much fun and probably fell asleep by 10pm".

The creep didn't care whether i would need help, didn't even make a phone call to check on me.

So much for love and devotion....and yet he expected me to be his nurse whenever he was sick.


For help and protection turn to family and friends, they can be more reliable than men, at least in my experience.

Selda and J.C., I agree 100% your opinion about friends and family, although my family is quite far away. An the most difficult moment here in GZ, I have been helped and supported by my friends, to whom I remain eternally grateful. No doubt about that. But are you or will you really be content to live a celibate life? Don't you ever feel lonely when your phone ddes not ring one single time during a whole evening?

i already give up looking for life partner.

well, if your phone doesn't ring, call a friend and arrange to meet. Looking for a bf to fill your time is a bit of short-cut, don't you think?


I can say that when i was bored, i never met anybody interesting. It's only when my diary was full that i met someone worth rearranging my busy social life.

I have read some of the responses here and I've my own experiences, so want to share a bit.


I've been living life without a man for four and half years now. It has been a happy, fulfilling life. I have made more friends, I started some activities I never did before. I agree one doesn't need a man to be happy or to feel fulfilled.


But I'll also say that there are some things you do need a special person in life, a partner for. And no, it isn't just for sex. It is to sit together and sip wine and once in a while kiss him or be kissed, to talk, to hold hands and walk, cook together.... and just someone with whom you can share li'l things to big.


I have not had a real relationship in all these years, and am still not desperate for one. But I do think I want a man in my life -- maybe because I am a hopeless romantic!


I've had a man, of and on, for the last almost three years... a man whom I love too much but haven't been with for whatever reasons.


I have had more breaks with him than time together. In those breaks, I have tried everything -- from attempting to date to extreme levels of socialising. Going out with friends, drinking, trying new bars and restaurants.... hiking, walking, gymming.... you name it! It has been a full and busy life! Plus I have a son to take care of and spend time with. So there is no dearth of things to do!! And no spare time either!


BUT, I still miss the special someone in my life. I still want that special man with me. Can any of you explain why??

Because as some you say -- live a full life and you won't feel the need for a man.... I think that isn't true. Not for some women, who do like a man in their life -- don't NEED him to take care of her, but just WANT him for company and love.


I have everything I need in life, but then why still do I feel lonely -- sitting among friends, chatting with them, eating and drinking at the most happening places in HK??


My answer is -- lonely is not being alone, but not being with the ONE you want to be with. The special someone. To be loved and be able to love.


Any views? I hope to read, as it might do me some good too! Not the happiest time for me, yet again!

Thank you My Hongkong for your encouragement. Yes I think I will never give

up trying to find my man. In fact, I have had some good, bad or sad

experiences via internet, I have met some nice people during my almost 2 years' life of celibate. But the result is that I am still alone... It is no fault of anybody, simply because in this modern society, people put less importance into a relationship because it is so easy to just give up and find another one when there are some difficulties, misunderstandings, or simply a small disagreement.


Yes. Like Zonked, I am incurable romantic, and I need to have the feeling

that I have some one special in my life, need to be loved and need to give

my love. Yes, I must admit that I do believe that I will not feel a fulfillment without finding my other half, although I have a very good job, some good friends, hobbies, and many activities that I can do by myself, but still, I need a masculine existence in my life. Nothing can change that...


Now the emptiness that I feel is so unbearable, that I almost feel I am

destined to be alone.

WOW Jc. You amaze me!


You've attained nirvana.... how about some spirituality classes for us mortals?

I understand what do you mean dear JC, I know that peace comes from inside of your heart. Happiness is only a state of mind. But don't you think that if you give up your crave for feeling happiness that means you are dead as well? Who can live without hope? Without expectation? Without dreams? You achieve things when you have hope, when you need something. Otherwise what is the purpose of staying in this world? ;-) of course different people may have different craves. Some for family, some for career, some for money.. That is the procedure makes life colorful...


I have a friend, who is never married, who would like to get married but refuses to go outside world meeting people. Her reason is she is afraid of being hurt...I have pity on her becaus she does not know what has she missed..

Of course you need a companion Karlaa. Everybody does. It's a natural part of life and makes everything taste and smell that much sweeter. I know my life always seems better to me if I can find someone to share one of my burgers. Doesn't matter how many things I can do as a single. It's not quite the same. I don't think it's that you should feel ashamed for wanting a man, but rather that you know that men (not the player types) feel that much happier if they have a special person in their life too. That is, both sides are in the same boat and I don't think there's anything wrong with acknowledging that. The challenge for you is to locate a similarly interested pool of male counterparts, ones that want the same thing as you. And then date your heart out. Good luck!