Posted by
ador
17 yrs ago
well, I'm just wondering why is that.
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ador
17 yrs ago
Thanks Thornaturge.
That's mean men just want to have sex with the "meat"? there has no love at all?
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Or he simply has sex for fun. Men are more capable of separating sex from emotion. To most guys there is a huge difference between having sex with some girl he met in a bar and making love to his wife.
Guys have sex with young girls for the same reason women buy new shoes. It makes them feel good. Simple as that.
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ador
17 yrs ago
In my case, I met this guy in my office not in the club or other place, I'm quite new to this office, and recently I found that he pay attention on me, he's always looking at me, of cos, he caught my attention too, I dont know if he is really married/attached or separated, what I guess it's just from his ring.
Well, you know you can sense something if there has something else. Do you guys think I should stay away from this guy? or still getting along with him?
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adors, are you wondering why married men have affairs, because you think their wifes dont understand them, or they are bitches...?
Are you hoping that he may leave her for you? --- it has been known to happen, but if you are attracted to this guy, I suggest that you give yourself a 'huge' reality check..... this will only bring you down, and perhaps affect your work, and you dont want that....:)
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ador
17 yrs ago
Thanks,buddha plastique & bell-boy, you guys are right. I think I should stay away from him. I dont wanna be the 3 parties and it really will affect my work.
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cwk
17 yrs ago
There are many reasons for married men to have affairs. Affair partners can also be married, sometimes. But ONE common fact remains - there is something about Morals here. When people get married, they USUSALLY would have vowed to stay faithful. So well, it's the classic adage of "consenting adults". People take chances. Bottom line is the guy has some issue about the wife and wouldn't want to confront the issue and second, his moral standards have been compromised and he didn't mind it. So the other party has to decide whether that's acceptable or even if it's NOT acceptable, this person must be able to find something ELSE to compensate for the moral issue. Sometimes, could be money. Sometimes, could be just body warmth. Sometimes, could be career prospects. Sometimes, could be really love.
There are just too many combinations to extra marital affairs to have one common answer. The only common thing is the moral issue. The parties involved have to deal with it, one way or the other.
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cwk
17 yrs ago
By the way, I came here looking for Trading Post. Where has it gone?
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dasia
17 yrs ago
cwk, It's under Classifieds.
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ocm
17 yrs ago
OK What about this.......
Why do married women cheat?
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there are a few reasons, ocm. it could be because: (1) husband does not spend time with wife (2) marriage has problems (3) women finding something in an outsider which her husband does not have and (4) married women want to take revenge on cheating husband. we live in a society where we deal with the opposite sex all the time, and i think it is inevitable that you bound to run into someone you find attractive or has reasons that attract your attention from time to time. sometimes its innocent attraction, sometimes it leads to an extra marital affair (depending on where you both take it). i have had a similar experience recently. i am attracted to someone whom i barely know. he has been giving me the eye for a while. at first, i didn't notice him much but as weeks go by, he strangely grew on me. i keep telling myself that this is just crazy that i am feeling this way. i don't plan on making anything out of this situation, thinking that this attraction / obsession will pass eventually. i am 4 years married and to this date is my first time feeling a little distracted from our marriage. i don't have an answer, but anyone has advise for me i would be grateful.
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Malibu - If you are so completely in love and happy within your relationship, then why would you take all the risks from what you currently have for a fling with another man? Due to what ever reason for a married woman and men half of the marriage end up divorce.
Guys tend to get lazy when it comes to maintaining their relationship with their wife. Arguments tend to rise and you don't seem to get along with each other any more. You seem to drift apart and you can't find yourselves back to each other.
So before you take that next step into another guys life. Look deeper into yours to see what you can do to get the man you once fell in love with back into your life.
Ask the question, do you really want to ruin all the years together with your husband to have a "short fling," that really won't go any where.
Remember try and communicate and tell your husband you need him. Make him feel like you want it to work. This is all why women and men cheat.
Men and Women pls don't neglect your spouse!!
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ocm
17 yrs ago
With me i just suspect my hubby is having an affair, have done for a couple of years. He works abroad. I have no proof and maybe it is just my insucurity making me think this. He is still the best husband in the world and a great father. Recently i met someone through work. It was an instant attraction and grew over many months of mostly contact through email alone. The times i was in his company i was deeply attracted and the felling was clearly mutual. Recently we ended up in bed. It is a different attraction to the love and contentment i feel with my hubby. It was the kind of attraction you feel in your stomach and takes your breath away when you are around that person. I guess it is the female equivalent of a mid life crisis. The whole thing has left me feeling elated but very confused as i am the most straight person in the whole wide world.
Not looking for answers or anyone telling me i am right or wrong just using this forum to get this secret off my back. Obviously there is no way i am going to discuss it with anyone. Not even my closest friend. This is why i know this is (was) just a fling.
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cwk
17 yrs ago
It sounds more like lust than love, ocm. Sorry to say. But if you don't take it further, you never can tell if it develops into love. So, it's chicken and egg right? I don't think humans are made monogamous. All we need to know is this - if you can lift it, you must know how to put it back down at a later stage. Some kind of Chinese saying. It's rather impossible for people to carry on double- or multiple-timing forever and in secrecy. One or the other has to be dropped.
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ador
17 yrs ago
Thank for all of you.
Well, this guy always in my mind recently, u knew, we meet everyday in the office even we are in different department, and I found that, he still keep an eye on me wherever I go I can see he is looking at me, and when i turn my head back, I found that his eyes are still looking at me., but he didnt come and say a word lately. Is that mean nth gonna be happened? ("it sounds i want sth to happen, I'm bad, i dont know why i have ths feeling) Well, at the moment, I admit that I do like him, how to get away from him? and might be, just mght be i really want something happen cos i have been single for a few months...what should i do?
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smoky
17 yrs ago
u wanna talk about it in prvt?
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ocm
17 yrs ago
cwk
LUST ABSOLUTELY & UNDENIABLY
Makes me feel like a school girl but believe me there is no choice to be made. It happened, the chances of it happening again are slim (as long as i can contain myself). He lives overseas and our paths rarely cross.
I do not regret it, although my behaviour shocked me.
It will go no further. If my hubby is having an affair i believe it is also no more than lust .....
Perhaps only time will tell.
We are happy, you only live once and its not for a long time. Got to make the best of every minute and have no regrets :-)
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cwk
17 yrs ago
At least you are truthfully to yourself, ocm. Some people choose to stay single precisely to give themselves this freedom. I would be concerned for you tasting the poison apple. You know what - I think one way (probably not the only way) is to eat so many poison apples till you get sick of them. Then you finally want to stay focused and contented. Only hitch is that different people have different thresholds to poison apples. Hahahah... Sorry, I meant this as a joke. Don't ever try this.
With an extra marital affair, you will soon find out that the strains of keeping up that relationship will far outweigh that of a normal open relationship. You will demand much more from balancing the giving-and-taking act. Trust me. I've been in such a stupid relationship for 12 years. And now I want nothing to do with it or ever to be involved in any extra marital affair. I believe I hold the guiness book of record on this dumb thing. It soon changed from adventure to love to responsibility and a big moral battle within. Although the whole time I wasn't married but the other party was. Yup - I was the silent third party and I always felt I was the one who kept their marriage intact by not demanding anything and helping one side to have a broader life outside marriage. Bottom line - if you could avoid poison apples, avoid them. If you have tasted one, don't try again. Nothing very exciting about it. It will soon become a burden.
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ocm-i am writing here for the same purpose - to get it off my chest just because i have been hanging on to it alone for a while now. sometimes bearing it alone is hard. i just want to say that i felt the same way as you do about the man that i am attracted to. its just not the same way as the way that i am attracted to my husband. my heart beats when i see him and i can always feel my blood rushing. sorry i know i am sounding like a school girl, but that is honestly how i feel and i don't think i should deny it. when he looks at me, i blush. my situation is not the same as yours as there is no communication between us - we don't work together and we don't talk. still, i just didn't believe that this is happening to me.
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ocm
17 yrs ago
Malibu, Yep that sums it up. And it is that school girl feeling and i feel like a school girl waiting for his next email to come in even though it is always work related!
I am still the same with my husband, this has not changed any feelings for him. It has actually given me an insight to the original theme for the thread.... It is certainly not about love. Love is what i feel for my husband. This is purely phyiscal, exciting and new. But i do not want it to affect my marriage......
Is that what is is guys.... do i have it right, perhaps in some cases?
I also know that sometimes it is more than that, a man can be truely unhappy in his marriage and he is afraid to break it off... the affair is more simple.
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So then perhaps we can classify it as a "crush"?
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yeah it is a (big) crush. the weird thing is that i think we both have a crush on each other.
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ocm and malibu,
I can also relate to you both. And as ocm says, it is a feeling of excitement and just physical. I love my husband and don't don't want to change our situation. I think after many years together, it is something different and some excitement for us ladies. I have been there ocm .
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ocm
17 yrs ago
missdj, glad someone can understand the way i feel. Tell me, did you pursue the affair or was it something that happened and was not repeated. I must say if it was not for the fact that he lives o/s and paths rarely crossing i would be looking for a repeat performance.... again it is purely the physical aspect i keep thinking of, certainly not love.... lust as mentioned above. Did you feel guilty? I feel i SHOULD feel guilty but i do not. It seems so compartmentalised in my life and toally seperate from my married life.
Another question: Do you think 'extra marital affairs' are more common in the expat community? I have been aware of many affairs going on/breaking up marriages during my years as an expat (just never thought i would be another statistic to this).
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Hi ocm,
It was somethng that just happened. Completely out of character for me. I have or did feel guilty, but there is no love or feelings there for either of us. He has a gf and I married, but we have both said it is the excitement of someone new.
From what I hear, it does seem more comon these days for expats and even so, for women. I feel alot of women just don't want to speak up about it, in fear someone may find out. I never thought I would be in this kind of situation either.
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Men are hunters and most of them think with one head only, the one between their legs.
People cheat, men or women, straight, gay, bi or lesbian if they choose to. It boils down to whether a person has integrity in their words (their promise /vow to their partner); their moral values, decency and how selfish they are.
If you really love someone and everything is great why would you want to cheat?
I believe in karma.
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Yes isn't it sad how people can be so selfish.. I don't care who you are, if your marriage isn't working you should have the balls and respect to tell your partner.
It's just a game to some of you.. You have no regard for your partners, the one person who is meant to be your best friend, your lover, father of your children..
What a waste. I only hope your partner is doing the same to you..
Communicator just what you said. Karma
It's sad to say but not all wives and husbands are horrible.
Grow up and appreciate what you have.. You said vowels to this person in front of your family and friends.
I'm sorry but you can't not justify an affair by saying "it does seem more comon these days for expats"
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ador
17 yrs ago
Well, it's almost a month, he is still keeping an eye on me and i'm trying to ignore him. But i think as i do nth and trying not to play attention on him then things will be slow down.
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Why can a married men fool around with other Women while Married Women Can't cheat their Husbands? Is it fair?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
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None of it is....
It should not happen but as we can see by reading all the pages that women do it to their husbands and husbands do it to their wives.
I don't think it crosses their minds if they are being fair. (sigh)
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RossM
17 yrs ago
I assume you're no longer with your boyfriend NoWarranty? If not, why not?
The bloke is a cheat & a lier.
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you mean, you know before you get married that the love will "change"?? In what way, Bubas?? There will be no passion?? Sex life will come to end?? Are these things taken for granted by most people when they get into relationships these days?
My take on this is if any of the above ends, the marriage/relationship ends too.
So better to end it rather than cheat and cause pain to oneself too, not just the spouse. What an unhealthy, unrelaxed way of living life. I do not think anyone is really happy cheating.
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Read this somewhere while I was googling for some help. :
Please keep in mind that life is very complicated. My current wife and I started out in an affair while I was married. I was with a very controlling spouse for a very long time. The affair woke me up to how miserable I really was. After lots of counseling, personal as well as marital, I gave up on the miserable marriage.
My current wife and I then went into couples counseling, to deal with the feelings left over from the affair and to start on solid ground. Neither of us is overcome with guilt. It would have been nice if the affair never happened and if I gave up on the marriage on my own. But life does not always work out quite so neatly.
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Imagine how that marriage will work out... They will end up cheating on each other! A sister of a friend's once started a relationship with a married man. He ended up leaving his wife for this girl. After a year together suprise suprise he cheated on this girl with another skank. Can't say I felt very sorry for her.
It's a nasty cycle which tends to repeat itself...
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MJ_MJ
17 yrs ago
I think most of the men will cheating to their partners especially they have sex with other women. Sometimes i will think that if "sex" just like another execise, it just do the execise with different partners, but this is not involve any "love"! However, I really very difficult to accept this happen on me!
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