Confused. What does he mean?

I knew this guy some 4 years back. He used to be my ex-'s friend. We weren't that close until 2 years ago. Both of us were single. We started dating, yet we were not committed. At some point i started to get tired and wanted to settle down, so when he proposed a trip together early this summer, i did not hesitate and say yes as i want to see whether we have chances to advance our relationship further.


during the trip he asked for sex. i liked him, and did what he wish. yet after that, he said sth like "do you know i am bad?" and later"you are too good for me" ... and finally "we didn't work" etc... i felt cheated and we quarrelled, nonetheless I didn't go home ASAP as I have spent so much money on hotels/airtix. but then, for the rest of the journey, he kept asking me for sex and on the last day, he said that he might love me, just give him more time.


after the trip, i decided to stay a distance. I thought I need to reconsider our "relationship" - like where and how we would go. during that period, he had been great: reaching out to me whenever I need a hand/shoulder; extremely caring to me; kept sending me intimate messages.


Not long after came my birthday. He asked me over messenger what i wanted for present. told me that he couldn't make it as he need to write an exam but will definitely want to see each other once he was done. so he was done, we went to a gathering - yet we didn't get the chance to speak during the party. when i was about to leave he asked me to stay ... then asked me totally irrelevant questions. since i needa go back to work, i asked him whether it would be fine if i date him the other day for lunch or dinner.


so i dated him the other day for dinner. but then we couldn't carry our conversation as in the past. know our relationship was getting awkward. at a vulnerable point, i asked him what his vacation plans were. he looked difficult. then the rest of the evening, both of us went uneasy. he walked me to mtr and before i boarded the train, he said "pls, never talk about travelling with me. I will never travel with you again."


i lost control of my emotions and i yelled sth nasty at him. he repeated what he told me when he rejected me after sex. said he was bad and i was good, that he hated himself for what he had done. later even sent me a sms on phone for confirmation.


i was really depressed for a few weeks. more depressed when i found out he was severing almost all means of communnication. i gave up. when i was finally walking out of it one month later, i got another message from him, sth like this


"... just want to share with you that there are moments which I followed my heart without too much thinking, which has given me a lot of hard feelings afterwards. The hard feelings are on the fact that I have made the person next to me suffered. This hard feeling is worse than taking the suffering by myself.


While I am still joyful to see you achieving your personal goals, from a distance, I think I had better be at this distance apart, that I am not going to give you any discomfort. "


What do you think? he still has feelings on me? or just faking it to make it look less awkward?


honestly, i just feel so confused. i thought i was over my feelings but indeed not. i still like him. i feel hurt becoz he said so, and that he's avoiding me. will not speaking/seeing each other for sometime do us both good? or should we start talking again and work out a way that we feel comfy with?

hi Novalee - it sounds like you've been through the mill a bit with this guy... it's hard to know what's going on for him - maybe he's playing games, or maybe he's very confused and has a lot of issues with relationships, self-esteem and goodness knows what else...


whatever the truth is, he's been pretty clear about needing space - so leave him be - you certainly can't rescue him and if you tried, it would be a very dangerous precedent for the rest of your relationship... if you want to, you could always email him and say that you think that his decision/words are sad, but accept them, but would welcome hearing from him if things change in the future... but either way, this guy needs a good few months or more to sort himself out


there are plenty of guys out there who will treat you better and who will be clear about what they want... hang on for one of them instead

thx guys. really appreciate it.


Still, I get really confused toward the last part. Blocking me off all possible ways of communications while abruptly sending that message... Isn't that contradictory?

hi candice,


not harsh i suppose. just that i found it totally pointless doing the two together. maybe he's trying to label himself as a "not so bad" guy. but given that he's already sent a very negative signal thru blocking me off, i see it pretty ridiculous pretending to care about my feelings by sending this message.

hi jwm,


what issues do you think I have? pls be more specific.

I think he is not that into you. Over the past few years I have met men like this. When I was single, sometimes I would pay a LITTLE bit of attention to them..why not, I said to myself. Once you do that, they flock. Now I am in a committed relationship and the same guys still msn/sms me once in a while but now I pay no attention to them but they keep trying. It's all fun and games..I wouldn't get confused over it. BTW, they said I was too good for them too, and sex was apparently hot with me- sounds familiar, eh.

guys thx for all yr comments again... u guys are, in fact, pretty generous.


well i am quite convinced that he's not that into me at this point. yet just want to make an informed decision to avoid regrets in the future.


i do am devastated by the fact that i lost both a dating mate and a close friend at the same time. i wish i could revive the friendship part - he's been a great friend and has offered me great advice over big and small, and i hope he finds that in me too.


it will be a long way, given that there's no icebreaker in sight for now. it prolly will work if either of us go out with sb else. that's time we can be friends again.