How do u know its over?

just curious, how do u know your marriage is over?

Just curious?? It's usually quite complicated.

It's never over. Especially if you have children. How can a relationship like marriage the ultimate bond metween man and woman be ever over? Think about it you gave to each other love and sacrifice. Shared your intimate secrets and desires. You know each other well. Maybe too well. It's never over. Because you can't erase the memories. The Good and the Bad. It's even more complicated if your a Christian. As it states in the Bible that one should not divorce. Maybe this is too deep or being too serious. But truly, it may be over in the flesh or legally, but in our minds it's never over.

ahhhhh, well i think mine is over and just wanted to see what the other warning signs were, if any!!!! when someone asks u 'do u love your husband' and u reply 'i dunno' then im guessing its pretty much over. was just interested. thanks Gentlee for the constructive advice!

Personally I haven't read that part of the bible that says you can't divorce. I just read that bit where it says, if a woman's husband dies, she can't remarry. If he leaves her, she can't remarry. When your man is gone, that's it. Men can remarry, go ahead. She doesn't even have to be dead, it's all good, just go for it.


If you want to listen to a book that says that, go ahead. Sounds messed up to me.


Shaz, have you any idea what lead you to say ' i dunno '. Is he not attentive? Has he stopped doing things you used to? You hear about it all the time, people just wake up and don't feel in love anymore.

well, we have had a lot of problems recently, no communication, no sex, silence, then fighting, wanting different things from life, we are in a mixed marriage. i feel like i have drifted.......

would like to share more, but not over this. I feel we're going through similar things right now.

its over when husband or wife ask for divorce

Can you remind him - and yourself - of the good times you've had together and remember why? Relationships have their ups and downs; I don't believe in "cutting and running" at the first serious down. Sometimes it just takes a bit of reminding of why you married in the first place to get through it.

What would life be like if there was no "God" to put the blame on?


What would life be like if there was no "religion" to tow line for?


Do you think that would make us all immoral people? Would we all just go all out and do whatever our heart desires?


I dont think so. I think some of the most moral and open minded people I know are aethiests. It always irks me when people bring in Christianity or "the faith" to reason with why you stay in a marriage or why you do "the right thing" when all common sense seems to say its not the right thing for you.


You know your marriage is over when you no longer care to make that person happy because they dont care to make you happy. You no longer see your future with them...you no longer see that bit of you in them...and you dont care what happens to them if you were not there to soothe over the creases in their life. Relationships fail, that is a fact. Many work out, many persevere, but many also fail. The thing in life is to keep on keeping on even after that failure, knowing full well that not ALL relationships fail and that success, love and fulfillment is waiting for you, and for your partner, around a future corner! Its up to each individual to take responsibility for their present set of circumstances though...and thats where it helps to not blame a higher power for the state of affairs.


God isnt out to test you. God isnt somehow insisting you stay with a cheating husband or wife. God isnt out to plan anything for you. YOU are the one who has control over your own life and YOU are the one who can make the choices pertinent to your life and YOU know what love (or not) resides in your heart for another human being.


When a relationship fails after 15 years...between two people who have weathered it all but never got married...is that any different than a relationship between two people who have weathered it all but did get married? Whats the difference? Piece of paper? "Commitment"? What is commitment? Who is it that defines it?


Relationships are such, some work, some dont...same with marriage. We go into each with the best of intentions, but hey, sometimes even the best intentions are not enough to weather the storm. Best way to work on it is to know...this is the only life you have, you came from nothing and one day you will return to nothing...as Shopenhauer muses, life is practically an accident, so what life you do have, do something with it and make sure its memorable at least to you...coz it would suck to waste your time here on earth by being miserable and "existing". Live for you, be good to yourself and to the people in your life, and dont put up with crap.


*shrug* I am sure you know exactly what you feel in your marriage...I am sure you didnt just come to that decision overnight...thing is, where you go from here is up to you! Good luck...think things through, get councelling if it helps, and make the decision thats right for you.


One more thing...communication...both of mind and body, are both very important. I think, in relationships, sometimes the communication between bodies can be like the ocean tides...strong and sometimes ebbing, lol, but that doesnt matter when you have good communication between minds. When that bridge too is broken with harsh words and disagreement, its all the more difficult to see oneself travesing the landscape of an already volatile relationship. I feel your pain...the constant fighting and disagreements can not be a good thing for the mind, body or the soul. Stress like that can actually become physical sickness if it keeps up...Hope you find someone to talk to so as to alleviate the stress.

From what I read, it is definitely over! Time to make a move and start a new life dear.

Good luck!

You know your marriage is legally over when you obtain your decree nisi. Until then you are still legally married!


Seriously though, marriages break down over a period of time - there are plenty of indicators. The fact that you are asking the question implies that or marriage is already over.


Besides, I think HK is a great breaker of marriages. Marriage is hard at the best of times but in HK it is very hard. I would not marry again in HK and would only possibly consider it if I left HK and went to live in a more marriage-friendly society!

My thoughts on marriage? Psshhhh, everyone should give it a go at least once in their life. All that bs about third times a charm stuff, pfff. Lol. Marriage is for two individuals to figure out and define...I dont think there is such a thing as a marriage friendly or unfriendly society, lol. Its either for you or its not. If you cant feel comfortable getting married in one country what difference does your resolve need that a change of scenery will make you a better spouse. Its about individuals respecting each other...if its as shallow as to be ruined by environment then the bond or the individual was weak to begin with.


I mean...thats like saying "My marriage would have survived if I lived in the backwoods of New Zealand, at least there they dont have a Fenwicks!" Pshhh, whatever! Weak willed individuals with sight problems and probably marital problems that go unchecked for too long, thats all it takes for a marriage to fail...only difference is that in backwoodsass out of the way places, people probably have no opportunity to find alternative means for happiness...I mean, think about it, right? If you lived in a one horse town with a name and no zip code...what are your chances of straying even if your wife/husband beats you or doesnt put out or genuinely is the bane of your existence? Of course out here there are way more factors, but then this comes back to my weak willed individual theory. Some folks and some marriages...well, they may not have the umph to last, here or anywhere...but it has more than just the environment to blame.


Has to be said though, by the time one is asking "is it over?" it usually is the bell tolling a resounding "most likely", lol. It takes 2 to tango in the direction of saving a marriage, and somehow when it comes to the final minutes, one person almost always has two left feet! *Sigh*


Cest la vie, I guess...shucks!

as like with any relationship, its over when one party gives up on the other. sometimes theres no reason... they just give up...

If there is no sex ----and the sex that there is is being got outside the marriage --then its over ;thats from experience


but you could still remain friends -if you both want to

i'm afraid to get married =(



(i am based in shanghai)