Want to know what is in the girl (s) mind....

Hi, I am male, 35 year old, still single, as usual had few relationship and all ended...now single again and dating few girls... of course just dinner and drinks to know each other..

I am well educated, good job (Manager in MNC), my job nature makes me travel a lot, busy with work... I do mention these things clearly to any girl I met, coz I don't wanna lie or cheat....

During my previous relationship, when ever I am free, I was spending time with my ex, I make sure if I had time, I will be with her…(she was unhappy with my busy work and lot of travel, that is second thing… her unhappiness and long face always piss me off)

From my previous experience and talk with several girls, most of them hate the guy too busy with work or travel a lot..... WHY?

(1) Is it girls are selfish - wanna her loved one should be always around her and pay attention to her?

(2) Suspicion? if he travels a lot - will fall apart to another girl...

(3) Any other reasons??


Note: Just had a crush last night, the girl I dated few times, texted me to join for dinner, she asked me out at the last min (6pm) I was still at work, had customer with me, so have to go for dinner with customer, told her I can't make it - she is damn angry now....

I did explain everything in detail my situation…. She said only Okay and never get back to me again … (almost going to 24 hrs from the time of posting this thread)


Pls comment and share your thoughts.... any advise pls

well, I wish my boy friend was like you busy at work but do try to be with me when possible. He spend all his time with his hobbies and say that I should be understanding and make my choice (he said he need time for himself after spending more than 10yrs in a unhappy marriage and one year with psycho ex gal friend).


I will totally do my best to be understanding with my bf as I know that his job natural if I care about him. like what jwm said, maybe she's not the one for you.......................... haha, I should tell myself the same thing too !!

May be you should find a girl who are as busy as you. This can definitely help as she will understand your situation...

maybe you should find a girl who has a lot of time but just doesn't have the amount of money you make!? (then you would think she is a gold digger?)


Career/Money or Love. Choose one please.

Hi "nick_beijing" ,


(1) Is it girls are selfish - wanna her loved one should be always around her and pay attention to her?

>>> Yes, girls are selfish, even guys are selfish too. I am sure all the people, no matter guys or girls, they wanna spend more time with the one they love, am I right ?


(2) Suspicion? if he travels a lot - will fall apart to another girl...

>>> Not sure but thought she afraid you will meet other girl when you out of town. But still the same, can happen on guys or girls too.


(3) Any other reasons??

>>> Yes, but I guess the main reason is most of the girls wanna her love be with her all the time. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean ALL the girls are the same.


(4) Just had a crush last night, the girl I dated few times, texted me to join for dinner .......

>>> Don't worry, this is not your fault as she called you in last minutes and you being with your client at that time, nothing wrong with you. If she is smart and well-understanding person, she shouldn't angry with you, otherwise, forget about her.


I agreed with "kyutie_angel", you better looking a girl who has somehting to do in her life , good career or own her business....... Actually, I am not sure what's her job about the girl you mentioned here. I guess she is young , not mature and don't have a good career, what I mean it's she have lot of free time.


At last, totally agreed with "jwm" too. Anyway, hope you can find your right girl soon.

do u believe in destiny???don't push your luck too hard trying to find "that girl". love moves in mysterious ways,the more you're trying to find her the more she's hiding. Relax enjoy life first anyway your only 35 one day u'll be surprised to have that girlyour looking and by the way ask HIS help HE won't let you down, believe me ;)

nick_beijing, we all have different characters with different needs and I can relate to some of these girls.


When I was at Uni, I met a guy - very rich, I daresay... lived in an affluent suburb in Sydney and drove a mercedes. He was intelligent, career-minded and not bad-looking. He pursued me for months. I rejected him. Simply because I knew what life with him would be like. He loved travelling. He had goals and dreams of becoming "the most successful person" if life would have it. That wasn't me. I needed a family man... a man who would put his family above all others.


Unfortunately, my husband whom I thought was the kind of family man I wanted, turned out to be the opposite too. He was caring and always there when I needed him but at the time, I don't think I thought carefully about the implications of him having a factory in China. I didn't even know much about China back then or of HK. Blinded by love, perhaps?


Anyway, he has two factories to run in China and he's only home once or twice a week.


Such arrangement perhaps is okay when you are not married or when you don't have children, but things changed when I became pregnant. His absence became harder for me.


To make matters worse, I had a complicated pregnancy and 9 out of 10 times I went to dr's appointments alone. I was at risk of bleeding and had to prepare myself in the event that I needed to call 999 on my own.


I come home most nights now and tend to our child on my own. When she's sick and needs someone, there's only me. Come weekends, and half of the time, there's only me. I have a helper, yes, but she's only alone with my daughter for 3.5 hours a day while I'm away at work. I have to work to make ends meet but I take my responsibility as a mother quite seriously so I don't pass my helper these duties when I'm home.


Maybe I am selfish for wanting my husband to come home and to share our lives. Maybe I'm jealous of his work, that he puts it ahead of me....maybe there's even a little voice in me saying, "Do you think there's a third person?"..... I don't know....all I do know is that I come back to an empty house. My ideal home isn't a house, that's not what I wanted... my home is him... and sometimes I fight hard to remain strong, to consider that he loves us but has his responsibilities at work too... I have seen how hard he works, I've been there to see him lead his factories...


But it is damn hard!


Try spending sleepless nights feeding a baby and attending to her on your own with no support. And not being able to show uncertainties because there is no one else that can help. Friends live too far away and I'm in a foreign country, away from home!



Sorry, just explaining the other side of the story, a long winded way of answering your question... what's in a girl's mind who puts love and family first.....


Only my 2 cents worth...

hi Larius, you are the man !!!!! can I post this on my face book??

That literally was hi-larious!


Look, I'm going to take the contraversial route here, and say that I think nick is the selfish one here. He's the one who WANTS to have this career where he's flying all over the world. I don't think you need a job like that to be affluent.


My dad is a primary school teacher, my mum works in the school office. My mum drives a BMW and we have a 4 bedroom house with 2 en suite bathrooms. They have an ENORMOUS morgage but they are affluent and comfortable. My parents both read me a bedtime story every night without fail when I was little, and my dad is still there for me when I need him now I'm 25.


I don't think you need a job like this to be rich and sucessful. I know everyone measures success by different standards. To me, a sucessful man is one who can provide for his family both financially and emotionally. My boyfriend earns 1/3 of my wages, and he's a fantastic bloke who takes care for me, and most importantly is there for me.


His dad, however, works in Beijing and his mum lives in Hong Kong. I grew up in England (hense the big house) and parents living apart either means they're divorced or just about to be. It seems a completely alien idea to me to try to maintain this perminant long distant relationship. I think it's selfish to expect someone to put up with it.


I want to go to back to England to do an extra masters degree, and my boyfriend dared to suggest he should stay in Hong Kong, and I can come back in my holidays. That will never happen. I think a real relationship involves touching, it involves going to pre-natal doctor's appointments together, it involves arguing about who's turn it is to do the dishes and complaining that he leaves his used ear cleaning bud cutip things all over the bloody house!


Maybe I'm selfish, or maybe it's just a cultural difference. I wasn't raised in London, I never saw a Prada shop until I came to Hong Kong. I thought Tiffany was a friend of my sister-in-law-to-be. I did my first masters degree in Oxford, where they had a Starbucks like off of the tele! I don't have these ambitions that the other girls seem to have. I wonder why they would spend 10k on a Gucci bag when they can buy ten nice bags for the same price!


I think that if Nick really cared about the girl that he was with, he would chose a job that didn't have him travelling all the time. Either that, or admit that he's selfish and that his career is more important to him than his relationships. Nothing against you mate, each to their own.

Pupalicious, I wish you can past this msg to my bf. if he even understand 10% of it. we would be still together.

nick needs to grow a brain and realise the chinese women are devious, money driven, do anything types. he is a sucker for getting involved in the first place and for putting up with the crap. he should have booted her out long before. grow up and grow a brain!

Hi all,


Thanks for so much reply....I really appreciate all your views, comments, suggestions... etc etc etc....


first of all I am not a selfish.... in my view a man should have a good career and need to acheive something in his career life, either he work or he run business..

I have a engineering profession.... in 12 years of work life, I started as a Engineer and how become a program manager. The kind of work I do, really requires travelling, working long hours, even work at home during the weekends.. and so on...


Ah just remembered my last girl friend grumbling, during weekends, at home I take some time to check my e-mails and prepare reports... say 1 or 2 hrs.... for that too... she grumble, even though she just sit besides me or seelping on my lap....huh...


in my opinion for a man, it is not just a family life, by saying that he should not ignore family or his gf.... i am willing to balance all... but just can't give me 100% to family life or love for gf.....

probably i should find a girl, who can understand me, my work, and my lifestyle... then should be far easy....


Thanks, thanks for so many replies and so many thoughts... so much sharing your personal life...


Again... now I am on business trip.... not with her....


But the good news is that before I fly on Wed night, I texted her from airport... she called me, we talked... looks like she is back to normal... I will be back to Beijing on Monday and catch up with her on Tuesday for dinner... (hope so, nothing urgent pops up for me).....

1) dont try to understand whats in the girl's mind (cuz u would never will understand)

2) Be reasonable to yourself and hers

3) Quality time over Quantity !


good luck

I've been in my current relationship for nearly a decade - recently, I took a job that is moving me to the other side of the planet. Am I selfish? No way - what for, busting my a** and jumping for a dream job?

I asked my significant other to come along and I understand they have things they want to accomplish and feel that those things cannot be achieved in China. So be it. You are in control of your own life. If you love what you do and where you are in life your friends and lovers will respect that.

If you're moving about so much why not take a break from relationships all together?

It sounds to me that you want to have it all. Men are selfish that way, sorry, but it's true. If you're not willing to compromise and adapt to your partner's life and needs, you are selfish. It's good of you to make it clear from the beginning, but your message may come accross as: "this is how I live, and I'm not going to change anything for you". Be carfeul, there.

It seems your career is very important. Fair enough, I understand what you're saying about building something, you're an active man with ambitions, and you know what you want, that's very positive.

Then you need a girl who finds your career is very important, too, and doesn't mind waiting at home while you're building something for yourself. They haven't been making women like that since the 50's, however, so she may prove difficult to find!

Anyway, here's a possible solution to your lifestyle that cant' be disturbed:

while you're still dating, and if she has time, why not ask her to come along on your trips, let her do tourist things while you're in meetings, but you're still together in the evening? She'll have to be quite independent, but why not?

Now here's my advice as a married woman with kids and a traveling husband (he travels to a degre that is acceptable to me): in the long run, constant travelling is not sustainable, and you, or your boss, have to be reasonable as to how much you actually HAVE to travel.

When you have kids and all, she will be resentful if you never participate in their upbringing, no matter how many armies of nannies and cooks and cleaning ladies are helping her, and regardless of whether she has a job or not. Unless, of course, all that matters to her is your paycheck, but that's another kind of relationship.

Of course, you're not there yet, but think about it. Most housewives will take a reduced salary if it means daddy's at home more and participating in the life at home.

You seem dedicated to spending time with gf while at home, again this is very positive, but you bring work home?

The balance between work and private life is delicate, and it ultimately depends on how much your gf/wife will take, and how much you're willing to sacrifice. I'm sure most people in HK accept that many jobs mean travelling a little. If they don't they are indeed selfish.

Keep in mind you can't just expect someone to bend to your needs and choices just because you've explained what your life is like. In the long run, you will have to make choices. Just make sure you and gf agree on it. Balance is everything.

I will be controvercial now.


I have lived here for 4 years and seen my male friends, expat and local, go out with some very immature people.

Generalisation here. Most Chinese that I have seen have had very few relationships. And emotionally many are only about 16years old by Western standards.

Both men and women are very clingy (women worse) and in shanghai several of my frends have been stalked. This is seen as acceptable, as in the stalker cannot see anything wrong with thier behavior. They think that 'if you love me you will want to be with me 24/7/365.

I also know many men who travel who do have 'a girl in every port'. Most western men tend to stop this when they are married. This only adds to the neurotic behaviour.


If anybody told me they were switching career, because a girlfriend did not like it, I would say they were crazy. But you do need some balance.


If you are a workaholic then take stock of your work life balance. Becuase if you do get married the relationship will suffer. Possibly even fail, I have seen this happen.


Have you considered dating a woman nearer your age, a professional, possibly even divorced.


At work I have met many women over 25 all are succesful, some are beautiful, and all are lonely. They cannot find a local man who wants a woman over 25 and/or a woman who is more succesful than they are.


I now expect to get flamed from several posters, but I will take nothing back.