Too fast.. Too soon?

I got back together with the same person after we had a 4 year breakup, after getting back together, things lasted for a couple months then the reason we broke up in the first place happened all over again. Too busy to even call you at night? Always having an excuse (mom this, sister that, uncle came out of no where and is in the hospital, pet poodle died...? ok last part did not happen but the rest did) It had to end, I was not going to hurt myself by drinking half to death and quitting my job, I learned from that, what don't kill me makes me stronger.


Couple months later....


I met someone, this person is as beautiful as a morning sun rise on a misty coastal beach.. We had the communication going, I listened, I shared, I poured my heart out to this person, told this person what I was looking for and told this person all my secrets, I wanted to start right and have no secrets. Then all of a sudden, things made a 180 turn, I think this person ran and I'm left standing. I am not sure if I opened up "Too fast.. Too soon"... I am standing here alone and the fear is I am wide open..


To see the world in a grain of sand

and heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in in the palm of your hand

and eternity in an hour.


There are two things to aim at in life, first is to get what you want, and after that, enjoy it.. Only the wisest achieves the second.


Cherish and hold on to the one you love.


I don't have any close friends in HK and most of the ones I am close with is back home, so I'm just sharing.


:)

Ok, I'm listening - but I am not sure what the question is :)

IbuBapak is right - it does sound like you were very keen.


You sound like a lovely romantic, unfortunately that's just not the way things work. I know it's tough being away from friends and family and probably in a bid to instantly draw someone closer you share way too much too soon. There's nothng wrong with being open with someone, but maybe next time hold your cards close to your chest for a bit longer. It may feel at the time like you have a connection - and at that very moment you probably do. But when the guy goes home and starts thinking about how you have told him your hopes and dreams within a nano second he'll feel a little trapped and run away every time.


If you want to purge, call a girlfriend back home and have a long chat, instant message for hours etc. I know it's not the same, but in order to avoid the 'nude in front of the whole world' feeling then hold back on the deeply personal things for a while.


When you meet the next Mr Fabulous, try being light and fun, don't always be available or expect the guy to be. Have interests e.g. join a netball team that meets 1 or 2 times per week, join the gym and commit to 2-3 nights per week. Dedicate 1-2 nights per week to yourself...long bath / shower, paint your toes, stick a face mask on and watch Desparate Houswives or read a book. Go hiking, a couple of times every month etc. Also, don't put all of your eggs in 1 basket - until it turns serious (which won't be for a long time), keep him guessing. A bit of mystery is very alluring.


When you go out on dates make the guy do most of the talking - ask him about himself, actively listen etc. Keep the wines to a max. of 2 or 3 so you don't get into a situation where you're not in control of how much or what you say. Ideally you both should end the evening ...er...morning looking forward to next time, even if he is just a fling. Actually flings are good to practise all this on...because one day hopefully someone will come along who isn't a fling.

umm Im a guy.. food for thought, paint my toes and face mask... never did try that before, great idea.. :)

wow... you sound like an ideal man for many women around the world. no, i'm not trying to discourage you. on the contrary, i do encourage you to be patient if you really like this person. she may not notice you or pick up signals from you as she may assume that serious and decent guys are as hard to find as diving down into the deepest ocean. so, hang in there and slowly convince her. i wish you good luck and hope that she feels the same for you soon.

Oh a guy...sorry, you sound such a romantic I assumed you were female.


The same rules apply though - too open and too available is just not attractive. Having other interests is so attractive. When I was single I was put off by men who constantly called, seemed too available and too keen too soon. The guys who were keen but 'not in my face' so to speak were much more appealing and they also came across as a better catch even if they were a fling.


Do you play any sports? This is also a great way to make friends and meet both sexes. When I was single I learnt how to dive and used to go on diving trips around Asia every couplei of months. It was fun and a great way to meet people outside of the bar scene. Sailing, rugby, cricket - guys post game drinks is always very social, even ultimate frisbee.The gyms usually have social events e.g. Pure seems to have something on every couple of months.

Weekend hikes - I met a lot of people this way e.g. say a couple of us were walking the Dragon's Back, we'd invite a couple more people and they would invite a couple more. After the hike we would have lunch or dinner and a few drinks. Even if you were not attracted to someone within this group it is a great way to make friends and keep busy on the weekend...someone may also know someone etc.


Lastly, nothing wrong with a guy taking care of himself and using a face mask. David Beckham paints his toes:) Maybe try it and instead of Desparate Housewives watch TopGear :_ Remember to remove the nail polish when you go to play any sports or go on a date :)

Noting wrong with a romantic men in fact women love that...

well you might want to give her another chance, did she stop communication or you did?

Maybe she is there waiting for you to give her a sign

You might not do enough things together,

Or maybe you need to expand your circle of activities.

Wish you best luck but if you don’t ask her you will never know

We've known each other for a few months, started dating recently, the whole thing just kinda happened, I never did meant for us to have any attraction to each other. We are of and from two different worlds, I look more like the club/bar scene probably a little too much into my looks kind of guy, while this other person is exactly the opposite, casual, home, family, doesn't drink and smoke, goodie two shoe (no punt intended)... I found this person being more open to me at the beginning and reason being "it's best to lay things out now then 2 years from now", pretty straight forward and down to earth so I figured I'll meet this person half way.



But I understand everything being said here, it is a good time to take it slow, step back, view the whole situation from a distance for a while, but it does not mean I will give up, I'm pretty persistent when I see something I want. "absence only makes the heart grow fonder".


I'm glad I came here to share a bit about this to see others view on this situation. :)


Thanks

I think the same rules apply if you are in a gay relationship.


A bit of mystery is much more alluring than someone who opens up too soon, as it someone who has other interests beyond the relationship - someone who has a life.


There is nothing wrong with being open - but too much too soon is similar to being to easy, the 'prize' is cheapened by it's over availability. It's like cable vs. ATV etc.

Nope, this is not a gay relationship... but I guess only time and patients will tell, thanks for all the input. We're still friends in the meantime

Still communicating, strictly on a friendship basis, something between a friend and sisters, I would be lieing if I am not hoping for a revival, I don't believe in last words when breaking up unless I really have to, if faith was meant to be, then it will come around, but if it never happens, a good friend to talk about anything is better then being strangers.

When we're growing up, don't our parents tell us to just 'be yourself' when making new friends and starting new relationships. If you were yourself, and he/she/it ran for the hills, then surely he/she/it wasn't the right one for you.


There's no point disecting relationships like this, it's not about avoiding the same mistakes again as if you meet a boy/girl like me for example, I like to know everything about a peson. When my fella and I got together, we had a whole heap of pillow talk with me asking him stuff like what was it like living in Hong Kong, what was it like growing up in Canada, what made you study in England, how many girlfriends have you had, all that kind of stuff.


Some people want to know everything and some pople don't. You shouldnt have to change who you are or change what you say to people just because of how they'd react.