I want this relationship work

what is this really means? and where does it lead to when it works??

Here you go, this is a question for me, the English teacher.


When a relationship 'works' this means that both the man and the woman in the relationship are happy and in love. A relationship that 'works' is a happy relationship, with few arguments and lots of bedroom activity (in my opinion). A relationship that 'works' means that the man and woman in the relationship (or man and man or woman and woman, I'm not forgetting these people) are supportive of each other and care about each other.


When a relationship is 'not working' then the two (or three or four) people in the relationship argue and don't enjoy spending time with each other.


It has nothing to do with a job or being paid. Although some women would say that living with some men is a 'bit of a job'.

To me, as long as the happy times are greater than the sad times the relationship works. If the sad times are more than 30% of the total I am out.

the reason I asked coz this sentence can mean differently for different people. it's all depend on how you look at the relationship. I need some other people's prospective so I wouldn't jump into conclusion too fast.


Recently, I have finished a relationship with a 38yrs old man who loves to being with me, get along very well and we are quite similar in many things. However, he has trouble to commit. I was always the last priority on his list. I was the one trying to work things out and yes, too much tears so I decided to walk out in the end.


Now, am seeing a 23yrs old. who is 10yrs my junior. Crazy about me and I am alway on top of his priorities. (its not like he drop everything and just want to be with me 24-7. but he's always there for me when I need him.) He was the one kept telling me he really wants our relationship works. However, he's only 23, on his final year in Uni and We are quite different in personality and life experience. I have to admit am worry if I get too serious with him I will get hurt. who know what will happen when he start working? on other hand I also don't want to hurt him coz sometimes, he does seems a bit boring to me in some ways.


I remember there's a threat says' can we get it all? " am feeling the same now. I could see the future with my ex but unfortunately he's a 38yrs old wanted to lives like a 20yrs old all over again and I am always on the bottom of the his list. My current boyfriend is 23yrs, I could say he's kind of man who's every women dream to have as he is kind of guy who you can tell he is a perfect husband and father material (and he's very romantic too). but he does seems bit boring to me sometimes and having a family is the last thing in my mind..........


I would never go back to my ex; I adore my current boyfriend and I don't want to change my heart. We just can't get it all, can we? I know you will say I am selfish and confused. Believed me I am completely aware of my problem, I'm telling myself everyday that life is not prefect and should learn to appreciate what we have instead of only looking at what we don;t have. But hey, talk is much easier than do.

Do you have to make a decision now? Why not wait and see what happens? Just because you are currently 'always on top of his priorities" (I loved that phrase) now, doesn't mean you will be in a year's time - I am not being deliberately pessimistic here, but sometimes these flames that burn the brightest go out the quickest.


If I were you, I should just enjoy yourself with this guy and see where it goes.

Very wise & decent advice given by austria. I would follow them if I were in your shoes.

Excuse me, how old are you? Thirty-three and you still don't know what you want in a man? How does that happen? Grow up a bit for goodness sake. No one is perfect, I'm sure there are things that your boyfriend doesn't like about you, I'm sure he doesn't think you're perfect. There are women out there who would love to be in the situation you're in, perfect boyfriend who actually wants to commit and have a long term relationship. You're incredibly ungreatful.


I was completely stunned by your post, I couldn't believe someone could get to your ripe old age, and still not have a clue.

Ms. Pupalicious -- you're bloody rude! But anyway that is your problem.


What bothers me is English teachers like you with very little or no qualifications and experience teaching in HK!


You do not know the spelling of "ungrateful"!! Shame on you.

I can't help but laugh, Pupalicious has a point, ina way..

Wonderfulday, i don't think you should even consider going back to your ex, whom wouldn't make you happy anyway..otherwise we will see another thread from you next week complaining about him being a commitment phobic.

the young guy, if you like him, he is crazy about you, have fun with it! who cares if he is father material or not (he's not old enough to be father anyway), you think he is boring, maybe you will find somebody less boring later down the road..why think so much, take it easy!

Not that I have to qualify myself to anyone, but I have a PGCE in Early Years, I was teaching for a year in England before I moved here, and I've been teaching here for three years, so I am not in fact one of those teacers who ome here with no qualifications or experience. Thank you very much.


I am aware of my terrible terrible spelling and you'll be happy to know the reason for it is that I am dlexyisc (my little joke).


It does not change the fact that when someone gets to that ripe old age, they should have a bit of a clue about themselves and not be messing about like a teenager. I mean, please, a woman at that age doesn't exactly have the time to not be thinking about a family! If you work out how old she is, she doesn't have that long until having a family won't be an issue for her at all! Unless she adopts.


I'm sorry, but she needs to grow up and start acting her age. Get over yourself, seriously, and stop over analysing everything. Act your age.

Dear Pupalicious. reading your post makes me understand Hong Kong is such a place making people stress and the only way to release stress is to attack people here. If you did read my post I do know what I want. however, what you want do not mean what you (can) get. I am truly believe that be with one person for the rest of your life is not necessary means marriage. A piece of paper do not grantee happiness of your life or your spouse won't cheat. I do not want to have children. so thank you for your concern but you should have notice that I have stated 'having a family is last thing in my mind'


I have all those concern coz am acting at my age. if am 18 I would be enjoying changing boyfriend everyday and just have my fun.


Feel free to call me ripe old age if that makes you feel good and better than others. A hot 23yrs crazy about me at my ripe old age, I honestly have nothing to complain. ON the other hand I feel even younger being call ripe old age.


Education might give you knowledge but not necessary educated your manner and respect. Anyway, keep enjoying attacking people being part of your life. Wish you wisdom be with you all the time.

Allright now, Im going to have to jump in here and defend Pupalicious because


1) Shes probably just a bit riled at me from another post and...

2) It sounds like shes just trying to exercise what we (at home) call tough love. Its true that is sounds like you have a pretty nice to have problem there. a 23 yr old whos fallen for you at 33. You've done a fair job of turning the tables on us creepy old white guys who get all the beautiful young Chinese girls. Honestly at 23 hes very inexperienced, and very malleable (trainable). I once had an older girlfriend and she taught me a great deal about... things. If hes not exciting then what is lacking? Can you take the reigns and teach him a few things. Let me tell you, most guys do not have a problem when a beautiful woman takes charge (behind closed doors - dont make him lose face if thats an issue for him) and shows him what she wants. MMmmm very exciting in fact. Once you let him know what does it for you and sort of give him permission to try new things or let him know you want him to shake things up he might surprise you. Maybe he just doesn't know what to do. Come on 23. Hes still a baby.


Relationships are a 2 way street, you bear just as much responsibility if its not exciting.

TingbuDong, when I say he's boring it's more to do with our life experience and knowledge. I was travel intensively and love to try new things and willing to take risk (not necessary only talking about sex). On the hand, although he does extreme sports but tend to go for safe side in many other things and believe at age 23 is time to have a stable life and likes routine. That's nothing wrong with his way or my way. we just different.


OF course he has quality that keeps me around (once again, that's not only sex. but to defense my bf's honor, I have to say he makes me very happy inside and outside the bedroom.) Maybe he's 23 but he certainly understand sex is an important factor in a relationship but not the only factor to make it works :). TingbuDong, you seriously a typical men, sex all over your head. It's nothing wrong with it coz you are a Man.

Wow, stability and settling down at 23? I just can't relate to that. At 36 I like to go snowboarding one weekend, motorcycle road trip the next. I love to travel.


Wonderfulday, I should swap you for MY current other half. She's a homebody and when I start talking about moving somewhere new or trying new things (like restrnts with weird food from far away places, not talking about sex here) She gets all nuts. She says I make her crazy.


Generally though on the "what works" definition, I picture an old fashioned scale and if the happy side is sufficiently heavier/lower than the not happy side then, for me, it works. Also if I find myself questioning whether or not its working then its probably the first sign that its not working because when its really going well those thoughts never even cross my mind. Special circumstances... If she doesn't like my dog or my bike (or if she has a water issue and cant/wont come kayaking w me) its probably a given that its just not going to work, no matter how good the rest of it all may be.


Its important to have a partner who is into or at least doesn't mind doing the things that really make you happy because otherwise eventually you will find yourself doing all those things alone. Until the day you run into some nice person of the opposite sex while out doing those things and start to really think about how nice it would be to have company in your passions and sooner or later those thoughts start to undermine your current relationship and you ask that cute biker chick or guy or the girl/guy in the slinky lil wetsuit in the kayak next to you if she/he wants to grab a drink later and so on and so on.