What's wrong with me...?

So, I'm in a great relationship with a great guy for the last 9 months, and everything is going really well, except for the fact that deep down, I'm an emotional freak. Luckily, I am not stupid enough to let on to him about my emotional state.


I was in a very bad relationship last year with an abusive guy who cheated on me... we lived together for 6 years and things got bad in the last year. I've been dealing with residual anxiety over this for almost a year - doing my best to heal, but without professional help.


Now, I'm all about needing personal space. But the thing is, when my present boyfriend wants the night to himself to hang out with his friends, I freak out inside. I've been getting anxiety attacks over it lately.


I totally trust my current boyfriend. He's so sweet and trustworthy and kind... and he absolutely adores me.

I don't worry that he's out cheating on me like my last bf... but when he wants time alone, it brings all those old horrible feelings up from my past.


I really don't know what I can do about this short of getting therapy.. i don't want to pount and guilt trip him in order to get my own way so that he'll hang out with me every night... I really want to be cool about it. Why shouldn't I be - he's great to me and deserves a great girlfriend in return.


I've been going out with my own friends on nights we don't see each other in order to distract myself from these feelings, but I still don't feel calm.


I want him to be happy and have fun with his friends... I just want to feel at peace about it inside.


I know this forum is full of girls recovering from bad experiences with guys in the past - how do you let it not affect your current relationships?


T

short of going for professional help, i think you're doing exactly the right thing: coming here to vent. :-)


in doing so you'll realize that you're not alone. every single one of us, even the strongest, has some residual baggage from past experiences - it wouldn't be normal if you didn't! it would mean you hadn't learned or experienced anything.


what's good about you is that you recognize your own paranoia, and you are doing your best not to let it ruin your present relationship. that's the most you can do right now, and keimochi is right: one day you'll realize your anxiety is gone.


i'm happy for you that you have found a great guy to move forward with. you'll be fine :-)

Check your mail box Joyfulone.

I think you've made a good start towards recovery, JOYFULONE.


Recognizing that a time alone for your bf freaks you out is good and it'll even be better if you can deal with it in one way or another, taking your bf's needs and feelings into consideration (I believe you don't wanna be self-centred).


As someone has suggested, let your bf know about your past relationship and also what he means to you. That way, he'll become more conscious of your feelings and help you through this 'period of recovery', if he really do love you. You said your bf is great and that you totally trust him ...... Great. Now, go further and confide in him and I believe he'll do nothing to hurt you (though, he being human, this a 100% surity ... think about that). Goodluck, my dear!!


ShaQ

dont tell him anything about the past.Hey have confidence in yourself.Its a new relationship so let new experiences fill ur cup.Let go of the past.

Thanks guys. It's nice to know that I'm not alone going through this... My boyfriend is a total sweetheart. We've been together for 9 months and he knows that my last relationship was bad and abusive, but he doesn't know how bad. I really don't want him thinking about it and I don't know how much of it is appropriate to tell. Anyways... details don't matter. It's in the past. But i know he knows that it affects me every now and then because we've been in arguments before and he's seen fear on my face when he's raised his voice. He's very understanding and does his best to be sweet and gentle to me.


I just don't want to stress him out when he does his own thing. I don't want him to feel guilty... and, at the same time, I don't want him to think that I'm crazy or don't trust him. I want him to be happy when he's away from me - so he'll miss me and want to be with me again ASAP. Ha!


I am glad to know that other people have gone through this and that it goes away. I'm glad to know that you don't feel that way any longer.

I was wondering if this feeling inside me would ever go away.


Thanks also to the girls who pmed me, for whatever reason, I can't reply on my computer.

hmph i think you gotta be totally open with ur current boyfriend i think. say whatever is on ur mind. the way i look at a relationship, ur guy should not only be ur lover, but your best friend too...and best friends share almost everything with each other.. itll help..