Am I Imagining Things? Or Is My Husband Seeing Someone Else?

I cannot believe it would come to this. My husband of 4 years is loving and considerate, and we make a great couple. Just that lately he seems distracted. I have also noticed a change in cellphone behavior, with him peering at his cell ever so often as if anticipating a message to come through. At times, he does not even take the call around me, where would rather let it vibrate on or take it in another room. I have never seen him so interested in his cell as he usually leaves it lying around the house. This happens early in the morning and late at night.


My friends tell me something is up and he might be carrying on a "cellular affair". Does this exist? I don't understand as we have a good communicative relationship. I have asked him about the cell and he'd always just name a random friend or people we know.


What should I do as I feel so mentally tortured that I find it difficult to be nice to him.

I am going to be honest here and reply to the two comments above me:

You guys are like the people who see UFOs...really want to believe, right?


You flirt in person, or in emails. When things are into cell phones chances are the crime has been commited.


Of course, if a wife/husband is caught with sms or emails, but knows you don't know for sure whether s/he already commited adultery, the only possible answer is to lie. "Darling, I was just flirting"...Even lawyers recommend negate the evidence unless there is solid proof otherwise.


Why lie? Because you can save your marriage and get away with your little forbidden intercourse.


Personally, I give 80% chance the adultery has been commited, and I give 99% chance s/he will never admit it unless properly caught.


What to do? Simple. Next time you see him doing that, ask him directly to let you talk to this person. If is a random friend he shouldn't mind. When this happens, he will try to deviate your attenton (like making a fight) but you keep your request. If he does not comply, you can call your marriage off there and then, or allow yourself to be cheated, whichever way you prefer.

Is it just your imagination? I doubt it. Some research suggests that SMS is the most frequently used method by which people conduct a clandestine affair.

Many a "guilty" party has been found out just from the cellphone bill. Typically, there is message after message after message -- all within a very short space of time and all from the same number. Now, let's face it, this rarely happens as between "just friends" or business colleagues.

And when the suspect suddenly adopts a different and suspicious cellphone behaviour, I think there are grounds for suspicion.

I agree entirely with transhk - you must confront the issue.

Tell your husband about your concerns and why you're suspicions have been aroused. If there is nothing untoward, then he will have no problem in showing you the messages.

Frankly, I doubt that he would be willing to do so -- no doubt employing the "it is so dreadful that you don't trust me..." approach and saying that all his messages have been deleted (which, of course, he will immediately do if he has not done so already).

If he is in denial tell him that he had just better stop what he is up to -- whatever it might be, or he will be on the receiving end of a divorce petition.

Do you know his personal e-mail address? Google it -- you never know where it might turn up......

Sorry to sound so downright cynical about this but I used to be a divorce lawyer and I have probably seen it all.

Thanks for the feedback, all. It seems like most agree that there are likely some grounds for suspicion. I do know that upon confrontation, denial will be the order of the day and he is likely employ the "I am so disappointed that you would doubt me" and blow up. I would hate to appear like an out-of-control, paranoid and insecure wife at the same time. Would it go away if I acted nonchalant?

From Oprah.com...not that it's the be all and end all of relationship advice, but interesting

http://www2.oprah.com/relationships/webmd/slide/relationships_couple_infidelity_101.jhtml


Red Flag #6: Sneaking

"One of the red flags is when a partner is sneaking around a bit," Praver says. Maybe he or she takes secret cell phone calls on the porch instead of using the phone by the bed, or maybe he is out on weeknights whereas he used to be home watching television, she says. "If you see that a person is not around that much and is gone on different nights, something may be up," she says.


Marriage Saving Solution: Confrontation

"Obviously you have to confront a person and say, 'What's going on here?'" she says. "Once a person has been found out, they must 'fess up and that can be the first step in rebuilding trust," she says. While not necessarily advising it, Praver says people can check call logs on cell phones to see if there really is fire where there is smoke.