We have been together for almost half a year and recently we have moved to live together. He is a very busy working man and always works at home at night, too. I accompany him at home all the time. Lately, he has been very stressful becoz of work and felt sorry that he doesnt hv time to chill out w/ me. I am fine with all this. But he said his moodiness and stress would definitely affect our relationship and perhaps i can stay w/ my family at least once a week. i m confused that is he really get bored of me and wants me to go home w/ my family? or he really thinks his moodiness would affect our relationship? thx for u guys' advice.
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What sort of understanding did you have with each other when you decided to start living together?
Did it just sort of happen, one night stay over, then a few nights, and then finally stay over all the time? Or did you sit down together and talk about sharing your lives in every way?
My guess is that you have never talked about the basis of staying together, is this like a marriage, is it intended to become a marriage eventually, are you going to have children, when he leaves Hong Kong will you be going with him? Lots of questions.
Ask yourself what he expects from the relationship, and compare it with what you expect from the relationship, not just today, or next month, but in five years time.
I think you will be able to work the answer out for yourself.
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Hi, woods, I have been asking myself all these questions all the time. You are right that we stay together one night, then few nights, then finally live together. We have the mutual understanding that eventually we will get married and have our children, but not in a very near future. For him, Hong Kong is a just a place for starting business and I am sure he will leave here in the future. He has asked me to go with him to wherever he goes.
I am a person who only look for long-term relationship and eventually I want to get married. But for him, he still needs time to work on his career.
Hi, Wingon, true that I think we both needs some personal space and time. Actually, this is the second time that he brought out this issue that we should not see each other for once a week. Perhaps he really needs sometime alone.
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Ladybug,
What sort of flat do you live in? What sort of hobbies or pastimes do you, and he, enjoy?
If you live in a small flat, and you are the sort of person who enjoys being with people but he needs to work, then maybe a break once a week might be a good thing. You could do some totally other things, he could concentrate on work.
Living in a small space is not always easy.
One thing I recommend, is not to talk about this too much with him. Give him some space, and some time. If he is the right person for you, and you are the right person for him, things will work out. If you love and respect him, and he loves and respects you, you have to accept each other's particular needs.
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>woods, appreciate your input. we both need some personal space actually.
>techie, you know me very well, I am in a similar situation as yours. We love each other so much and I love him more than myself. I am like 24 hours available for him. I should love myself more and have my own life. I shouldn't neglect my family and friends. Also, I think i hv to let him sense that i m not always there and he may treasure more by the time we are together.
Thanks so much for u guys' advice.
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Treat them mean to keep them keen....repeat it several times daily as your mantra. I'm not saying play games, but Ladybug, you need to put yourself first. No one will love you and take care of you, if you don't. Making yourself available to a man 24/7 does not say "I love you" it says, "I'm a door mat, walk all over me and I'm at your beck and call" No man will respect that.
Right now, seems like you are living together, but on his terms. If he needs his space so much, don't just stay with your family for one night, stay with them more than that, for a whole week if you feel like it. He might miss you and ask you to come home, or he might be relieved you're not around, in which case, it's the old saying, "He's just not that into you." Any relationship needs to be give and take, regardless of who "needs space" or whatever, and right now, seems your needs are not being met and you're bending over backwards to please him.
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True that I think we are too dependent on each other and we both have no private space and alone time at all. Stop seeing each other once a week would definitely help our relationship in the long run.
I used to be a very socially-active person with tons of fds and I always hang out w/ fds no matter weekdays or weekends. Since we hope to spend time with each other, I have started to cut most of my social life. I just realised recently that I gotta pick up my social life again. But I am worried that we will be distanced if i always go out and he is always busy with works. It's difficult to find a balance.
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