is it a baby trap!

What would you do and how would you handle it?


After couple of dates over a several month span she (a DH) find out that she is pregnant. The man is a decent chap new to Asia and wants to help her out but not even sure if it is his...then finds out she has another boyfriend in Europe.


She is in no position to have a baby, financially or otherwise (has/had a drug habit) so he tells her that if she decides to go ahead and keep the child she will do so on her own. He will not be a part of their future because he hardly knows her. He offers to pay for all her medical expenses and give her a months salary for her to recooperate etc if she chooses to terminate it.

But he makes it very clear he does not want to be involved if she decides to keep it.


So she disappears and now has reappeared with the baby. she told him that the other man is not the father and now is emotionally black mailing him only for money.

What I don't understand is that in this day and age with the morning after pill and choices we women have ...why does the man always end up with the short end of the stick.


having said this I myself was in a similar situation and so have some of my friends. who are now all single parents faced with the same options this girl had. But we knew that if we proceeded with the pregnancy that all responsibility would fall onto us. very clear no!!!! So why then is little miss back in his face demanding he pay blah blah blah.

She made the decesion based on knowing he was not wanting to be involved and she still went ahead with it.. so in the end she has to live with her choice...no!

don't get me wrong usually I am all for the women in cases like this. But my friend is really a great guy and I can't help but think he is being played by this girl. He was so fresh to Asia...wet behind the ears if you know what I mean. He wants to do the right thing but doesn't even know where to start. He does not have Hong kong id he is only here for a few months at a time for his business.

What do you all think??

I think you are trying out your creative writing skills.

I do not believe this! The women had to go through the entire pregnancy alone and has to bring up the child with no support. My advice to your 'new in Asia' friend:

1. Get a paternity test done. if the baby is his, share the responsibilities

2. Birth control is his responsibility too ! If he is old enough to have sex, he is old enough to use a condom.

I agree with everyone, he needs a paternity test done. If the child is his he will need to be responsible... He should know to be more careful, unprotected sex can have a far worse outcome. ie.death sentence.

Hmm... interesting. My former domestic helper raised a valid point when I asked her about falling pregnant in HK. She explained that the likelihood of meeting say, a nice Filippino or other man who was in a position to support her and the baby and himself in Hk as a family unit was virtually impossible. And as many women desire motherhood, finding a wealthy sperm doner who can do this (albeit financial support only) is great as it provides them with a child and to be able to provide well for it. Did not necessarily agree with it but kind of made sense. Ex expat neighbour of mine slept with DH, had a lovely girl (he is married - not to DH) and all has worked out well as he has assumed full responsibilty of DH and child. You may want to read this very interesting article I came across recently. Here's the link...


http://blogs.theage.com.au/lifestyle/whosyourdaddy/archives/2008/05/the_accidental.html

Thanks for everyones responses:)


No this is not creative writing but an actual case, sadly enough. By the way he did use protection even when she told him she was on the pill, for all the right resons and apparently the condom broke. Now that brings up the question of the morning after pill??? Which he did suggest because he knew she was in no position to have a baby. All val;id points though ladies, Thankyou


Big thanks to Wendy though, been looking through the link and find it interesting and supportive from a mans perspective.

Now ladies don't get me wrong on this...I did and do feel somewhat sorry for the gal but I have to agree with Wendy on this one....and feel that my friend was targeted as the wealthy sperm doner in this case.

I would love to hear from you men out there too...how would you handle this situation.

It sounds like your friend may not be the father. Don't give in to the blackmail, but definitely get a paternity test done. He should tell her, no financial support until he has proven the baby is his.

I think he should demand for DNA check before paying for HER & BB!


I had a fren here too had this problem, he broke off with his gf but after months this girl re-appear at his door step claiming the bb was his, so for the sake of the unborn child they tried to be together again but had not register for marriage, eventually they separated soon after the child was born. now this girl still demand for payment frm my fren every month even though they had an verbal agreement that my fren paid for the bb expense 3mthly.


Now this girl still sms me to curse ans swear how bad is guys....i asked her back, so y in the 1st place u wanna keep this bb? U know this relationship cant make it...u shld know the consequences!

As said already he needs to be sure he's the father before he does anything then if he is the dad i'm afraid regardless of who is to blame for the unexpected child he needs to do right thing for the baby. It is not the child's fault it was born in such circumstances and frankly if you have sex there is always the chance a baby may be the end result.

A few words...it takes two hands to clap.


I'm sorry but this isnt just a matter of "She should have known!" blah blah. This is a life we are talking about. Not everyone is ringadingdong happy to head on out there and have an abortion as swiftly as they are ready to get their undies off and do the horizontal mambo.


Just think about it. I mean, I am not some happy clapper on a soapbox, I am just saying, think about it. I am pro-choice...but hey, think about what you are saying and assuming of the persons culture, upbringing, morals, mindset...*shrug* A lot of folks are willing to have sex before marriage even if religious or even slightly religious...but abortion is somehow a very touchy subject for the very same randy folks!


Never go about saying "she should have known" unless you yourself have been in for an abortion, and even if you have, never go around assuming it will be something as easy to decide on as it was for you. If you have been in for an abortion, you know darn well that its not an easy decision to make.


Some folks live in hope of a relationship finding its way back to the right track...not everyone is educated or self questioning enough to know how a baby will affect the rest of their lives.


I find it hard to believe in this day and age that we seem to say things like "Oh for crying out loud, there is the morning after pill" like as if its some sort of "Duh"...I mean, how many of you are out there chomping down morning after pills as a precautionary measure? Did you know that there are women out there who have taken the morning after pill about 40 times in one year???


Do you KNOW what kinda dose of hormones are in that little dose? *SMH*


Your "friend" didnt just mistakenly trip down a flight of stairs and stick one to this woman (and is it necessary to say she is a DH? He bonked a woman, that is about the long and short of it, I believe the rest is unnecessary as he simply bonked someone with a job...who cares if she was working for him or not). You do the crime you do the time.


Get your friend to get a paternity test, and if the kid is his, this isnt the dark ages, he doesnt need to go off and get married and house the mother and baby in his home. I mean, just own up, step up to the plate and cough up some dough. I would recommend he talk to a lawyer, if the kidlet is his and then to hammer out an agreement where he coughs up about 2-4K HKD a month to support this child (this is going on the assumption that the child will be growing up in a developing nation, big assumption, but hey, you did mention the mothers job, so I suppose, not that big).


The thing with cases like this is that they can become a "oh the baby is sick, I need 10K" or "Oh, I am going to get evicted, where will the baby stay? I need 20K" It can go on and on...so assuming that the test comes back +ve, and he doesnt want anything to do with the kid, then hammer out an autopay via a lawyer. If he wants to be part of the kids life (which considering what you said sounds like it will be more of a sentimental change of mind) then he best be prepared for future blackmailing and the kid being used as a bargaining tool.


I only say the above because I know enough people with their old "woe is me, I was wet behind the ears" story. Was even friends with a few...so yeah, that story is about as old as the "this baby is yours" story.


Two hands to clap...babies dont make themselves...if its his, own up, step up, and be prepared to cough up. If its not, he will know he did the right thing, was responsible enough to give the lass the benefit of the doubt by taking a paternity test, and well...yeeehaaawww...he's not a daddy!


Good luck...to your friend...


PS- and just coz your friend is a "nice guy" doesnt mean that he doesnt need to take responsibility for an act he commited. I find the "condom broke" story about as daft as the "i believe you are on the pill when you say you are on the pill" story...sometimes the people who lie to you are the ones you think you know...

Thats a brilliant story! Talk about divine justice, eh? Wow.

Hi all, he has gone for the DNA test and he is waiting the results..will let you know the results.

Update... and oh waht an updat!!!!!


He went with a company called Genetrack Biolab, supposed to be one of the best. Anyhoo results should be in they said between 5 to 7 days. So he should know this weekend for sure.


Interestingly enough he found out that the girl left to go back to Indonesia last week. Apparently because her mother is sick.....Now I find that odd, but he seems to think she doesn't want to be here when the results come in because he told her last week that if the baby isn't his he was going to take legal action for all the agro she has caused to him and his reputation. Don't know if he really meant it but he was angry from all the verbal abuse she has been dishing out. Interesting huh!

Will definitely let you all know....2 days to go before we know.

Interesting story! can't wait to know the result.


Should we bet if he's the father :) ?

Any update on the test results?

Hi all the results were in a few days ago but I was too busy to get online to post the answer. sorry la, HE IS NOT THE FATHER!!! I don't even have to mention how relieved he is but he is also ticked for what he had to go through. Unbelievable on the gal's part but I guess when one is desperate one resorts to desperate measures. All sad really. I don't think she knows who the father is, what she has put this man through. I do feel for her though. She is not back in hong kong yet so he texted her the results, he hasn't heard from her. Been a painful journey for all concerned I guess but there is a valuable lesson here as well. My friend says when he gets back out there dating, no hurry for sure right now...has a trust issue with women now ...can't say I blame him....however he says hes gonna double wrap it lol Having shared all this I hope the gal and her bb will be ok and it all works out for them. life is crazy ride at times. One thing I have come to realize is having supported my friend through this we became aware of just how often this kinda thing happens here in HK. Sad but true. Its a good reminder for everyone who is out there playing to play responsibly. Thanks again

"One thing I have come to realize is having supported my friend through this we became aware of just how often this kinda thing happens here in HK."


Not only HK, I think you will find this situation is more prevalent in other countries.

Thank goodness he took the test. Good luck to him

This is a sad story. Women can be dirty. Some women only care about what is good for them, being selfish first. This man may be the father or not, but if he made it clear he is not interested and really made it clear, then it is a pitty she is trying to nail him for money. There is no wrong vs. right, but I feel for him because some children should not be used against someones dis-interest in a relationship. If she elected under these circumstances to keep the baby, she should also understand that financial obligations will be at hand for the child, and should also know he may not be in the picture and she should be willing to do it on her own.... A case of the morning after pill My opinion....