Posted by
dartkel
19 yrs ago
I'd appreciate some feedback from other people...
She, young; me old, far, far older than any Chinese family would accept. But there was a deep love. We agreed we could never marry in China--only anywhere but. One day she decides on her own to "tell the truth" to her parents, who then went bonkers, threatened to throw her out of the family unless she married a local, Chinese boy and forget the old Laowei. So she marries (losing a family is worse than death for a Chinese), is "dead," she says. I tell her she must try to love her husband because he loved her enough to marry her when she was desperate. We both lost love...Do I suggest divorce? (This is really unfair to the Chinese man, however, so I don't like it.) Do I just remain her friend? Do I just walk away and forget it (I don't really want another)? I want help deciding what I should do ethically--not emotionally; emotionally, I know that it's to give her support, hope she finds joy and happiness eventually.
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Very sad situation for you both but I agree with the sound advice posted above. Let her live her life in peace.
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Thanks to the people who responded. You're right.
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Her husband knows nothing, is an innocent bystander. He loved her before she knew me, so that is a great comfort to me. All we have left is three years of dreams. Life is unfair, but love is unconditional.
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life is unfair, but life like water always seeks its own level...
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Tough situation for you and it can be so hard to work out the right thing to do when you're in the middle of it, in love, and care about your girl.
So i'll just try to offer a comment from the outside. Actually, in your first post your words make it sound as though your g/f had no choice, ie "losing a family is worse than death". But it's really not so, no matter what she DID have the choice of going with you. She was faced with a tough decision, and when it came to the crunch, her choice was not in your favour. When pushed to that choice things like your age difference may have had a bearing, because from my experience a lot of girls, no matter how much they love you at the moment, would think "what's going to happen to me when you get old and die, and i've taken this step for you now"...(and maybe they've got a point there)
She might be suffering from losing you, but she made that choice and that's the downside for her. You have concern for her like any nice guy would, but i think it's misplaced, and not good for you to go on like this. It's better to wish her well and leave her to it... good luck!!
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Just happened to be playing an old CD at he moment. If you want some lyrics on bitter-sweet love, try Bob Dylan's "If you see her, say hello".
Here's a link http://bobdylan.com/songs/sayhello.html but it's much better to hear him sing it on "Blood on the Tracks"
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economist- i checked the lyrics of the song,i really like them,am not sure how it was sung though..sometimes when i feel so down..and frustrated..with life..i just play some beautiful music..with nice lyrics..and my day is complete..
it's nice to remember those memories..of past loves and past lovers.. but hey,it's human nature that,we always like to get, what we can not have..
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At this moment, this is the choice which she has chosen. Support her decision and stand by her side as a close friend and she will treasure you more. Fate! You never know...it may turn out with a happy ending but just not now.
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We are all, I think, caught in dilemmas: Never give up versus Know when to hold and when to fold, for example. Everyone who responded has given me help; I appreciate your sensitivity and obvious sympathy...I'm a romantic, but also a realist...It's no use looking back or holding on. Who knows what life has in store; that's the wonder of it all.
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>> Lakambini 06
If you liked those lyrics, then you MUST hear the song sung. Pick up a copy of Bob Dylan's albumn "Blood on the Tracks", said by many to be his best albumn.
And by the way, is a Lakambini some new kind of micro swimsuit??
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KAT8
19 yrs ago
While "Blood on the Tracks" is a great album, I don't think it is his best album. "Desire", "Bringing it all back home" , "Highway 61 Revisited", "Street Legal", just to mention a few are even better.
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