Early retirement and dating in HK, good or bad idea?



ORIGINAL POST
Posted by hkrabbit 15 yrs ago
Some people dream of early retirement, perhaps by age 50, or even 40, so they may then turn their attention to their hobbies, perhaps artistic pursuits, and other activities (likely including investment activities). Having reached that goal, I have come to Hong Kong to consider living here long term. Being single, I'm also interested in dating. What I've found so far is that nearly all of the women I've met or interacted with (via online dating and other social functions) seem to lose interest as soon as I say anything about having retired early. Either they stop interacting with me, or proceed to explain why they and other Hong Kong women would not prefer this, using words like "security", "stability", "structure", etc. So I'm curious to know, if this is the predominant attitude here, then in what Asian cities (considering such places as Taiwan, Singapore, China, or Japan) might there be a more favorable attitude? The other question is whether there might be some subculture within HK where the above-mentioned attitude is not so strong (other than clubbing, as I prefer to remain sober and sane, if possible). I would most appreciate perspectives from other retired-early foreigners in HK (if there are any), but any information based on personal experience (e.g., where you went, what you found) would be appreciated.

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COMMENTS
Slammy 15 yrs ago
When you pose a question like that, then it's likely your answers will be based on stereotypes.


And it would seem, on the surface, the Asian stereotype might be money-oriented. On top of this, the "female" stereotype is that women look for guys who are powerful and have money.


There's a practical reason for this of course - if you want to get married - are you thinking of starting a family? Or are you happy to settle for an older woman and no kids?


If you want to start a family, then sending a child to ESF or International School here is costly. If you are not working, can you provide for your family?


Apart from these practical questions, it's a shame you've been dismissed by women simply for being retired. I'm sure there are women out there who are financial secure themselves, and would not be looking for a cashed up husband, but looking for love. Of course, if TX Cowboy replies to this thread, he'll tell you such a person doesn't exist!!! hahaha


I'm also curious to know where you are looking for prospective dates? Perhaps you're just not looking in the right places. Think about the activities that a woman of your type might do - whether it be sporting, or hiking club or such. I always tell people that the best way to meet new friends is to join a club - whether it's a dragon boat team, or volunteering for a charity, photography club etc. It's a great way to expand your social network without having to go to a bar and with a bigger social network, you never know who you'll meet.


Also - you looking for Asian or Western or no such discrimination? Seems there are many "ageing" Western women in HK who find it difficult to date in HK and maybe they are more open-minded about your situation.


I wish you luck!

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Slammy 15 yrs ago
Oh and another piece of advice... if you have retired but you're pursuing investment activities... instead of scaring a woman off by telling her you're not working, can't you phrase it differently and say you no longer have a full-time job because you're pursuing other areas of investment?

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cookie09 15 yrs ago
in fact why not say 'i retired early because i could afford and am now investing my own money'


..it's what all the investment bankers do...

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melatie 15 yrs ago
or may be you should not talk about retirement on your fist date,,, it might be offend her,,, you can disgust it later, if she really like you then I am sure she will except who you are and,,,,,you are not retire yet anyway.....


some girls think if you retire you will do nothing and will demand money from her, but I DONT think that how you are, so let her know you well,, and then tell her what you wanna do in the future......


and 1 more thing most young girls still love to hang out and have fun and explore,,,

so you may consider about they the age.....

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rainbow1980 15 yrs ago
Next time tell her, " i am self-employed "

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arrigoa 15 yrs ago
Yes two issues here- 1. in HK it seems to be all about what you do (work wise) and who you work for! 2. Yes the locals gals cant understand the concept of early retirement, basically because there is no such thing in HK among the locals at least. So best to say you are a self employed day trader pursuing your own investments having been successful enough early on in life to do as such. Other than that take to Thailand, Taiwan or the Philippines where any guy able to support a women in a decent fashion pretty much gets a no questions asked approach! good luck and enjoy!

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Slammy 15 yrs ago
It depends what kind of woman he wants though.


Just to clarify - when you suggest going to Thailand, Taiwan or the Philippines to find a woman, just what kind of woman are you suggesting? Someone living in poverty who would happily marry any foreigner to escape their situation? (You can easily find such women in HK. No need to travel abroad...)

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hkrabbit 15 yrs ago
I appreciate all the replies. If I may add a few comments in response:


Yes, I understand that this kind of discussion can result in stereotyping, which is why I was trying to encourage people to simply share their actual experience, especially comparing different places.


As for whether I plan to have kids, I'm not thinking about it (but that's not to say it's impossible).


Some of your suggestions are things I already do, for example, saying I'm retired because I'm investing my own money (which I stated in the original post). If the issue is that they need to know the actual level of assets or investment income, well, I probably won't share that.


I'm also not inclined to represent myself as something I'm not, especially "day trader" (not to put them down, but they are gamblers, not investors in the classical sense). If a lady is impressed by day traders, then she should go with one. I'm comfortable with who I am and don't mind just being real, and would rather be with people who appreciate it. I remain optimistic that there are such people, but if not, I can be alone for the time being, it's not a big problem for me.


As for being with a lady who is looking for a ticket out of poverty, that's not my goal. I'm not desperate, nor am I looking for someone to be a servant. I thought Hong Kong would be a place where there are women who are educated and self-reliant. I don't mind paying the bill when we go out, but if the lady is primarily looking for a source of support, then I'm not the guy for her.


Anyway, I'm still new to HK and am willing to keep exploring, and to keep an open mind and a positive attitude. I find it strangely comical that early retirement, which some people say is their dream, can be viewed negatively once a person actually gets there (I'm not talking about unemployment, but reaching a level of success that allows one to be truly independent). I guess every situation in life, even success, has its pros and cons.


I haven't seen any replies from those who have lived in the areas I mentioned. I would be interested to hear such perspectives. If there is some other web site where I might find people with that experience, please let me know and I can also post there. Thanks.

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Sapphire 15 yrs ago
Just to clarify, you say that you have already retired and you have come to Hong Kong to consider living here long term. Correct me if I am wrong, but I am therefore assuming that you do not have any employer here who sponsors a visa to enable you to stay here. If you don't have employment here then I believe you won't be able to get a visa to stay here long-term. Unless, of course, you have lived here for 7+ years and already have permanant residency in Hong Kong? Something you should perhaps consider before deciding where you are going to live 'long-term'.

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Slammy 15 yrs ago
In a nutshell, of course you can find women in HK who appreciate you for who you are.


To make a generalisation, I would guess that such women are perhaps easier to find in Western countries... but it is possible in HK. But as I mentioned before, it depends where you look - you just need to try and broaden your social network by getting involved in various activities.


I understood from your initial post that you were looking for others with similar experiences to share... Sorry, don't know of any websites for people in your situation, nor any others in your situation!

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bargoban 15 yrs ago
What are you guys rambling on about??


OP, are you white? Then of COURSE you'll find PLENTY of women willing to throw themselves at you. It doesnt matter if you have a job or not, live in a box and eat rats at some random corner in Wan Chai(you'll see what I mean when you get here.)


Being White in Asia is like having your own Kingdom because they only know that white is right and anything else is absolutely wrong. Thats how they were trained..So


So what are you doing wasting time questioning yourself, White Knight? Jump on your white horse, bring your cricket club membership card and come grab one of these fine, uneducated(In terms of People, they know nothing if it isnt White) chicas!!



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littleponyo 15 yrs ago
u dont let your ladies know how much you have...so type 1 woman: they want your money, a ticket from the proverty or type 2 they just want to know if you really ca take care of yourself and she can take care of herself.


You said you dont want to have baby...so type 1 woman: she wants baby and stable income for family or type 2 woman: she doesnt want baby too


so the best combination is: you met a self reliant woman, and you let her know that your money can take care of yourself, and she is happy not to have baby....it maybe work....

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merm 15 yrs ago
What would you men think and do if you met a woman who told you she was retired at 40?


Sometimes it's not about the money at all. Work is an occupation. So how do you spend your day? Watching nikkei then cac then dow jones?


bargoban: by chicas i think you were referring to the full time or part time/weekend filipino prostitutes in wanchai. Actually some are thai. They'd go with men of any colour it's just that the fat penniless and thrice divorced 'white' men prefer them.



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sicn 15 yrs ago
It is funny to read OP’s questions. Come on! Let’s all feel sorry for you, this successful 40-50ish white guy, for having trouble finding that self reliant HK lady.



Your body is what you eat and you are what you do. So what do you do in HK every day? To get up when you feel like, learn to paint a little, drink some beer, amused by the view of hectic HK lives around you? Back home what do you call those people? Eh……A bum?


And then you wish you can find a self reliant woman, gets up at the break of dawn, work her a** off every day, only come home to you, who might treat her a dinner once a while if you are not too drunk from Wan Chai already? Hm…..It is a great deal for your early retirement, isn’t it?


I guess deals like this did happen. Otherwise guys like you wouldn’t come to HK for their retirement. I know you are definitely not after the peace and quiet, the fresh air and clean water, maybe are the hope for the abundant easily impressed female attention?


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hkrabbit 15 yrs ago
Regarding the above responses, I have to say, I did not expect to draw hostility in return for sharing my experience and requesting others to share theirs. I don't think I expressed or implied hostility in what I wrote. To clarify a little, I am not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me, nor am I interested in "amusing myself" by watching others, or a partner, suffer in any way (as someone accused me). If my partner is working, I'd rather that she is doing something she loves (yes, some people find success that way). I have my own pursuits, one of which is a software project that I do for my own interest, that may or may not become a business opportunity later, but I don't consider it to be a job. I don't drink beer, and I'm not even sure what the "cac" is.


And as for Wan Chai, I have never been there, and was not planning on going. I'll leave it for those who are into that sort of thing. Outside of Wan Chai, this "abundant female attention" thing is a bit of a myth, which is fine, I'm just looking for compatibility.


But even if I were just drinking and clubbing, or just reading in the library all day like some older retirees do, I don't see the harm in it. On the other hand, there are people now working in legitimate businesses who are actively harming others (through breach of contract, pollution, "toxic derivatives", etc.). Directing hostility at them would be more understandable than criticizing someone for simply doing nothing.


My post was not intended to offend anyone. If it had that effect, then please accept my apologies.


It seems I've gotten enough feedback now, and I would like to extend my appreciation to those who responded in a friendly spirit.


In any case, let's end this thread. Best wishes to all.


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Slammy 15 yrs ago
HKrabbit, you don't have to justify yourself to some ignorant idiots who wrote some stupid posts on your thread. The sensible people out there know exactly what you were trying to ask. It's only those who fail to read the forum properly and delight in the anonymity of their response who make comments not worth your time of day.


There are lots of lovely and self-reliant women out there in HK!

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Loyd Grossman is Miss Venezuela 15 yrs ago
By the way, you can get permamnent HK residency if you invest about HK$7m in either/or/both the HK stock market/bonds and property. Take a look at the governtment web-site http://www.gov.hk and go to Immigration. As regards your main question, just say you have your own business. Also quite shocked by some of the responses here; Ed normally bans them.

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sexyboop 15 yrs ago
Sorry to offend but it seems to me this's just a fake or a trick! A man earns good enough money to retire early should have NO problem at all in finding a girl in most where in the world. Perhaps it's not your retirement plan in your life that causes the problem!

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Loyd Grossman is Miss Venezuela 15 yrs ago
Seyboop. yes, could be a trick.

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tigerbay 15 yrs ago
There was a comment earlier about women from other places (not HK) are wanting to escape poverty. This is perhaps unfair steroetyping. There are some parts of the world where the population is much more status driven.

making a generalisation, which is a close cousin to steroeotyping, HK is generally a more stutus driven culture than other parts of Asia.


One thing I have found, generalisation again, divorced women are much less demanding in relationships. Perhaps they have a much more realistic expectation.

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hkrabbit 15 yrs ago
Slammy: Yes, thanks, it seems that some people didn't read the thread. The issue is not "can a white guy get a date in HK" but whether being "retired early" affects one's chances of getting a date (excluding the bar/club environment).


Maybe I'm the first guy in HK who's tried this and reported his results; and your mileage may vary. I admit that my initial perspective may be wrong, which is why I posted my inquiry. Those who don't believe my report can try it too. Tell women you're retired. If it works well for you, that's great. Just remember to share your experiences and thank me for giving you a great "pick up line".


But if people just want to post criticisms and insults, rather than anything constructive, then I'd say I'm not the only one in HK with too much time on his hands!


Again, thanks to those who gave sincere responses, e.g., tigerbay mentioned "HK is generally a more status driven culture than other parts of Asia". This is the kind of information I was looking for (although I understand the risks of generalization, but when based on experience, I find it valuable).


Good luck out there!


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sexyboop 15 yrs ago
Okay! I was just posting some doubts given little information was given.


If you really want constructive advice, at least you should tell us:


How are you going to enjoy your time after retirement this early? Just fool around spending money having fun? Travelling? Volunteer work? or doing something of your interest? I bet you're not just spending all your time on dating, right?


And is your financial situation secure enough that you're able to not working for the rest of your life? Or just enjoy a 10-year or so vacation then see how it goes? Then it also come to the question of your age range, if you are just 20 something, then some girls may think you're just too early to retire.


Personally I think it really doesn't matter and can't relate the relationship between retirement age and the chances of getting a date. As long as you're mature enough to have your life and time well-organised, no matter if the plan you've in mind is short or long term. It really is not girls' concern of how old you retire.


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hongkongoldie 15 yrs ago
My husband and I are retired but still do work..we retired in our 30s no bid deal..


wierd how people seem to discriminated if you can afford to retire why not why be a sheep!

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slimboyinhk 15 yrs ago
Hong Kong is an expensive place to retire to! If you have the financial ability to do this and live comfortably then there is no reason you couldn't attract women here, or anywhere for that matter. Furthermore, tell people you don't work because you don't need to sounds much better than being retired! Jobless people also claim they're retired.

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hkrabbit 15 yrs ago
OK thanks. These are some good points and valid questions for me to keep in mind as I meet new people.

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mayhappylife 15 yrs ago
women's thought is unpredictable too, personally when I were chatting with a man who told me how many houses he owned in Gz, i would think oh he is not my type

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tinyteddy 15 yrs ago
touche jobin, my thoughts too!

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sexyboop 15 yrs ago
Give me 5! Jobin and Tinyteddy! Even I, as a woman, doubted it could be a trick as posted in my earlier reply. I was also on the same line of thinking that there must be many women out there who have tried their luck by sending him private messages..........

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hkrabbit 15 yrs ago
Hey, wait a minute. Since I'm the guy who's reaping massive benefits from this thread (and I do mean "tangible" benefits), then shouldn't you be giving ME the high fives?


Just make sure they give credit to "hkrabbit" in the Guiness Book of World Records for the greatest pickup line of all time. This has got to be the discovery of the century.


Now all I want to see in this thread are "thank you's" pouring in from guys who put this "early retirement" line into productive use. You have my blessings.


Oh, and in case I miss your posts (due to being, uh, busy with, uh, friends) let me just say "You're Welcome" in advance.


Cheers.


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sexyboop 15 yrs ago
Mr. Rabbit, your sarcastic response made me a good laugh, a good one I would say.


Hmmmm, I tend to give you my thumbs-up, more appropriate than a high five. But.....as for Guiness Records.......I am....not........so sure, would you accept if it's accredited in "The 21st century encyclopedia for Dating" instead?


Hey, we really don't mean to offend you, but the whole thing, at least to me, just sounds too absurd to be real.

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tigerbay 15 yrs ago
I doubt anyone is solely driven by money. But it is an important factor.

No more shallow than guys who won't date fat chicks. If does not mean you do not value the inner strengths of the non-fat girl you are with.

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Tropics 15 yrs ago
If you're going to retire and you want a partner you need to be able to fund your partner to retire too... or she will get pissed off... If you're 40, I reckon you need $HK100m plus your house paid for to see you out in style...

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white snow 15 yrs ago
I dont know if women were solely driven by money, i only know the notorious story of Chen Shimei.

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gzwife 15 yrs ago
Hkrabbit, can I explain how Asians think - from being married to one and living among them. I also have been reading psychology books to understand the society.


Money is the center of all sociological relationships in Asia. It gives you face, confidence and love. For most Asian women, love amounts to the amount of money the husband can thrown on her. This may likely be becuase they have never grown up with being hugged by their own parents so they dont know any other kind of love.


Some parts of this may be because Asian women think love will wither in time once you find a younger more willing woman but the money that they can get from you will last longer. Its a survival instinct.


Because HK has been colonised by the British, you will find more acceptance of Western ways.


I will presume to a HK woman, there is something wrong with a single man who is retired at 40. Possibly they think this may be a lack of ambition or you are running away from problems back at home.


If you are looking for a good time, I am sure you are going to get this with a snap of your finger. If you are looking for something genuine, then you need to have faith and something good will come your way. good luck

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sexyboop 15 yrs ago
It sounds more interesting to discuss now when it comes to "values"! Fundamental question: Is greed human nature? Probably yes, at least there's a progression of need, then no one is really in position to criticise others.


It's just a matter of extent. I would say Asian girls, appearing to be materialistic because what they want is more on tangible objects, possessions, money, or things that most people would tend to indulge ourselves in what gives a sense of happiness. The same token is Sex for most men. We're all addicted to a feeling - the same shallow deed for all.


I do know a HK woman who is good-looking, sexy, kind-natured, smart, intelligent and having a good sense of humour who likes sunshine, freedom more than money and brands. For years she's not been in any relationship because she's been scared off by guys' being too aggressive on getting her into bed impolitely. When she declined a sex request on the first date, or just after a short conversation on the first encounter, men usually would simply walk away and never appear again.


When men accuse women for money-driven, as tigerbay said "No more shallow than guys who won't date fat chicks."

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sexyboop 15 yrs ago
So true, I can't agree your points anymore. men are totally justified on that. So the simple conclusion is a man who looks to a woman's body will probably only get a woman who looks to his money. Fair enough?

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rainbow1980 15 yrs ago
Bingo!

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sexyboop 15 yrs ago
P.mason, Let me elaborate a bit more from women's point of view: (just for fun but true)


(Quoted from above) "If I were to detect a HK woman was solely driven by money and expressed an interest me, I would give them a sniff of the cash but not a taste." ???? Why is that shallow? And who ever says that (apart from poor guys)? We all have our image of what is lucky. There are many reasons why most girls are attracted to rich men. How many poor guys appear as role models in Fortune or Forbes? Yes, the vast majority of girls prefer an affluent man. But stop blaming us. From a biological point of view, a rich man makes a chick looks pretty and the best candidate to produce children. Of course, this is often the top thing on a lady's mind - at least, subconsciously, but, consciously, it will be a factor. This is one of the main reasons younger women go for older guys: they are better candidates for parenthood. True, they look good on the arm, and true, they are dream fulfilling. Yes, it is often a question of "Money makes the mare go", but the bottom line is security. So, give us a break. We like rich, powerful men. And they are available so why date a clean broke who has nothing in the pocket but only sex in the head? Full stop.

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GemmaW 15 yrs ago
hkrabbit, I think it really depends on how you've phrased things when you talk to a girl. The thing is, money doesn't last forever especially in a country like Hong Kong.

As someone has pointed out, if you have a kid, the cheapest English education route is ESF. That's about HK$61k a year primary and then HK$90k a year secondary. You must leave aside at least a million just for one kid's education. This does not include the daily expenses plus other activities you need to pay. Then you have to think about daily living. Can you afford to support your young family for the next 20-30 years? As a retiree, can you afford going on holidays knowing that it will "eat" into your income, making it less for your future? Will your future wife need to support you and the family when you run out of cash? What if you make poor investment decisions and lose what you have? Would you still be valuable in your career path if you have to go back? Then what if there are sickness? Would you be able to afford to pay these unexpected? So wouldn't retiring early put a family's finances at risk? Yes, your wife could work and support your family but with all these at stake, why would any potential "wife" consider this path? So is retiring early realistic, knowing that money could run out anytime?


Unless of course, you narrow your partner search to a lady who is in her 40s or above, who are not looking at starting a family. Then maybe with just the two of you, you could live like that, knowing that you do not have to be responsible for your kids' living expenses.


We do not know how much you have and whether or not you've thought about all of these when you say that you are retired and living comfortably. It could be true if it's just one person, but not a family. A woman will want to know what her future holds. It doesn't mean that she's greedy, but she has to try to be practical as well.


I think it is wrong to say that Asian women are greedy. Not all are, the majority aren't if you look at the average income in HK. But they have to be practical.


But if you are loaded, then finding women shouldn't be a problem, right?


So it really depends.

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veebabe 15 yrs ago
hkrabbit, I know for sure there are a lot of women out there who are dateless and desperate, you just didnt know WHICH ONE to pick. I must assume, you are way too picky for your situation.


as a matter of fact, by any measure, a jobless man of any age can be hitched more than a jobless woman. think about it.. yes? because a desperate woman, who wants love will just accept any man that comes her way. and these women, they are a dime a dozen, yes!


but a jobless woman of any age, unless she is very pretty and young, will not be miraculously hitched by a man, unless the guy is just using her for his own advantage, or he just came out of the woods.


look around you - a guy in the worse of situations, got themselves a woman, bec many women are desperate and wanting for love.


so hkrabbit, go after the desperates, not that pretty young thing who wants a stable, secured life in the city.


know your market and you'll sell ;)

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