Posted by
kumitag
16 yrs ago
Hi,
I am doing a story for Hong Kong TV on text messaging. Excessive texting has been noted by some counsellors and lawyers as a tell-tale sign of extramarital affairs, replacing "working late at the office". And being dumped by text message is getting more common.
Does anyone have any opinions on this? Or experiences?
Many thanks,
Kumi.
kumi.taguchi@atv.com.hk.
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It is said that a large proportion of text messages are pornographic in nature, and that, if you want to check if your partner is cheating on you, you should first check his phone bill. Constant messaging, even to a business or work colleague is usually not a good sign. We are more open and blatant with sms; we hide behind text messages. For example, breaking a date is easier by sms - don't have to have direct contact. We tend to communicate more than ever these days - by email or sms, but say less.
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I generally find that men these days would rather text message a woman than phone her, whether this indicates they have a gf or whether this is symptomatic of our busy society, I'm not sure. However, I can't help thinking that this is just a way for both men and women to put less effort into their relationships, afterall, a voice on the phone is much more personal and thoughtful than a text message, in my opinion.
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I think people today just are not good at real communication, they're lazy and they're cowardly. Real communication is face-to-face, where you can both hear all the nuance in the voice and also see the body language. There's nothing hidden. Telephone is an acceptable substitute when it's not possible to meet in person. Email is good for sending detailed information, or expounding on ideas, as long as it's well written. Texting is just a toy and, as I said, is only used in a relationship (or elsewhere) by people without the courage to face the other person.
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Thanks for all your responses, it is really interesting to read....I think the way we communicate has changed and it is all-too-easy to break arrangements etc, with a short text. I wonder, though, whether in a loving relationship, when there is already established communication, that a few texts a day, randomly sent, are a nice addition to that love? It allows a partner to be spontaneous and also communicate with their partner, even when they are at work....
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Of course, myself and my wife do that all the time. Calls are not always appropriate in a working environment so some randoms texts are nice to let each other know you are thinking of each other.
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maxis
16 yrs ago
call if appropriate time
text if:
1. Not sure if the other is awake
2. If they have a busy day and you want to leave a message but not interupt
3. If you need to give resturant address, telehone no (something they will need but won't have free hands to write, or could lose it
4. anything not easily remembered but needed (dimensions of a table, arrival time and day etc)
DO NOT TEXT:
1. Because you are spineless
2. Because you think it is cool
3. Because you can't be bothered calling
NOTE:
People often text when they dont wanrt theother person to knopw where they really are or who they are with !
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Kumi,
I have first hand experience. I recently discovered that my boyfriend was having a relationship with someone else. He had been flirting and communicating by text message quite excessively, sometimes at very strange times. Texting is much more discrete and easier to hide than phone calls.
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i had a similar thing with bf. texting a girl "friend" but calls each other "baby" says its nothing but drinking buddies etc... hmmm
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So it hit me tonight. I am living in the first generation that has had computer technology make or break a relationship. I'm speaking about the adults from 20 to 35 here. Our parents never delt with issues such as drunk texting or misunderstood emails. They were spared this humiliating way to end a perfectly good relationship.
I can recall multiple times that I had technology do me in. And granted, perhaps there were more factors to the equation such as my odd attraction to insane women with more issues than Time Magazine, but never the less.
Such as the time I was supposed to fax a resume for a girl I was dating but screwed up and faxed the wrong side. She made such a huge thing of it, it sparked a ridiculous arguement that sent the relationship quickly downhill. How could one fax mishap go so wrong?
There have been times when an email was meant as a joke or to be spoken in a certain way. Of course you generally aren't there to speak the dialogue the way you want it read. And of course there is the elusive BOLD text or italics which give sarcasm to a conversation. It's like the folks at Microsoft thought,
"We need a way for people to better express anger while using our programs! I know, We'll thicken the letters and it will seem like you are yelling!"
Emails have gotten me into multiple mishaps. Lost one or two girls over that due to my failed witty banter.
One girl I dated was obsessed with her new BlackBerry. She would IM all the time. Once she sat in the other room as I was in the bathroom. My phone buzzes, and its her. I couldn't evensh*t 15 feet away and not get an IM from her. I feared that one day we would be having sex, my phone would buzz and it would be an IM from her telling me she came. It drove me insane. She got upset when I never replied, but the last straw was when I admitted to not reading all of the texts I was regularly sent. That was that. She made a choice and picked the BlackBerry.
Another girl laughed at me on a first date when finding out I had a PS2. I was highly confused.
Never before has a generation had to deal with such things. And my fear is what could possibly be in store for us in the future. I can see an argument now with my future wife because our flying robot car was left on all night.
Perhaps thats why the Amish never divorce.
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I also found out my ex was seeing another girl when i read his txt msg on his cell (well i looked at it in the morning when he was still sleeping)...if he is clean, he should have no problem letting me look at his phone. i became suspicious when he didnt want to answer his cell in front of me, but then he would reply to txt msg as soon as i stepped away....
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hi kumi, wots ur cell number? i will txt you the answer ! hahaha
hve a good night,
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tig
16 yrs ago
my bf used to text me. I used to think it was because he was busy at work etc. But it turned out he was with someone on the side
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I don't think anyone has mentioned the language factor yet. When I went to a university here, a lot of my Cantonese-speaking friends preferred that I text them rather than speak on the phone, because it's easier for them to understand and have time to think of a response without me dominating the conversation. I've dated one HK girl who, although her English was fine, she was self-conscious about it and she preferred texts/SMS. Obviously that relationship was kind of shallow and didn't go too far.
Aside from that aspect, I absolutely hate texting, especially fights and passive aggressiveness. I only use them at work now. I do think it play a huge role in people who cheat, but I don't really have any specific examples.
In the most recent HK magazine, one of the "750 things to do in Hong Kong" is something like "seduce someone entirely by SMS, then send them a 'dear John' message the next day."
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I think men do it because they are cowards... Thats what I think!
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I agree with Pandabearest. Men tend to use message instead of face-to-face communication...afraid of being rejected or escape from confrontation...
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But.. but.. Woman are so gosh darn frightening.
I jest. Texting, MSN'ing, facebook IM's, etc.. I think they all have their time and place. Yeah, it's less intrusive and allows people to say things they normally wouldn't. I actually think that's a good thing. You can tell that guy or girl finally how you feel. You can just be like 'hey what are you doing want to hang out?' in a text, whereas you would've never had that courage to call. I think it opens more doors than closes doors.
People who are saying that texting is for cheating, well. You should be thankful too. Atleast now it's much easier to find out. :D I suppose though, ignorance is bliss. Perhaps it's too easy to find out.
Frankly, I don't really text that often unless I am busy or at work or think my significant other is indisposed at the moment.
To the OP though, text messaging is a lot easier to spot though because of the false sense of security and anonymity you have while texting so I can see why it would be an indicator of extra marital affairs. Seems like a fairly logical conclusion to me.
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i think what we r doing here is actually kinda text messaging.
it's a conversation similar to a chass game.
so much thinking involved, either good or bad.
a real conversation is real. fake intention can be spotted, sometimes...
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