Posted by
teacup
16 yrs ago
i love my hubby but we're not intimate at all cos of his typhroid, we hug n kiss daily. on the other hand, this male colleague is showering me alot of attention, he's also married but i think he's also lacking somethin in his married life.... help, i think we hv both fallen in love w each other.. help.. cos i know this is not right.
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Sorry to hear that, but if you know it is not right, just cut it off and back to your hubby. Remember why do you marry your hubby? Does it worth?
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i wish it's dat easy, n i know it's not worth at all. we tried, but failed.. several times. i hv to think abt my bread&butter and i can't just quit my job like this, my hubby still din know the lack of intimacy made me constantly feel inferior as a woman, even though i'm constantly complimented dat i'm an attractive woman, dat actually worsen my day. i'm not sure, maybe my hubby is trying to hide his pain w this easygolucky behaviour, maybe my hubby is as miserable.. and, and i'm equally miserable cos i keep thinking i'm leading an abnormal life.. i cry alot when i'm alone. His existence seemed to somewhat offer me some comfort, or vice versa.. but i'm not sure why?
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Well - I think that as the other guy is married you should back off. Also, you work with this guy and thsi is going to get messy. Very messy This is only going to end in one way - in disaster for you both with 2 marriages and possibly 2 careers screwed up.
Better you explain to your hubby that you need some love action and see what he says. Men can be a bit insenstive sometimes to their partner's needs and slow on the uptake. Make it clear what you want and need (but please FORGET abt this other guy).
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Am I reading this all wrong...did you say your husband has typhoid???
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I think she is talking about thyroid.
It seems you are being very selfish, your husband has a problem and rather than go through and help him you are thinking about your needs only. Getting involved with a married man may lose you everything, your husband, your job. Is that the risk you are prepared to take?
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Agree with evil deeds. I mean "I will love you, in sickness and in health, through good times and bad....just as long as you put out!"???? Whaaaaaa? Suggest you sort your priorities out and look into helping your husband out and maybe go buy yourself the latest "rabbit" or somefink! Everyone loves a good ego stroking, a bit of fawning attention, but these things fade...open your eyes and deal with the present. Coz if you mess up the "now" all you will have is a lousy past.
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thank you.. i know i deserve reprimands. i hv always thot my hubby is selfish.. maybe i'm too. whatever i said does not justify my bad, but does 10 yrs of trying to talk it out, seek help for my hubby and making no progress made me a selfish and lustful woman? i've been living like this, having that said, i know, i'm guilty. i'll try harder, thanks all.
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i think the lady is talking about a thyroid condition, google it up as i have and it seems intimacy is out, and i think she said it's been going on for 10 years now?
teacup: you've got a need, try to take care of it yourself - most guys do it with their 2 other girlfriends: left & right hand, and still remain happily married. there's no reason why you can't fulfill your needs while staying in the relationship with the hubby (if you still love him). god/evolution gave us a pair of hands to do many, MANY things, and that includes making/buying tools to enhance whatever you need to get done. i think it's a heck of a lot better choice than to sleep with someone else - the chance of getting STD is too much of a risk.
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I agree with Electrode. A marriage was never meant to be a prison cell, neither for the mind nor the body. If the mind can soar within the relationship, but the body is imprisoned, something must change.
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That said, this guy in your office is probably not the way out of that cage, and what you're feeling is certainly not love.
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maxis
16 yrs ago
what if the guy at the office gets Typhoid, a thyroid disorder, or even develops prostate cancer (guys fcan at a relatively early age).
You haven't said much about your husband's condition, the level of treatment that may be available (there are injections to get things working below, and Viagra now).
THIS STORY IS SO INCOMPLETE - GET COUNSELLING OR SOMETHING, DON'T LOOK OF VALIDATION WITH ONLY 1/2 THE FACTS DISCLOSED
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MayC
16 yrs ago
Missmomo, I have to agree with you too.
Well said.
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BE A FULL OF TRUSTFUL WIFE FOR YOUR HUSBAND AND CURE HIM FROM WHAT IS HE NOW SUFFERING.
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if you know it's not right then you got your answers right there.. no need to seek answers to a question where you already know the right answer..
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This is a serious matter and I don't see why you are asking the advise of total strangers.
See a marriage councellor or consult your priest or psychiatrist.
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If going for the male colleague 'makes you happier', then do it. BUT, you know it's wrong, everyone you know will think it's wrong and people you ask for advice will also tell you it's wrong. If you can live with a guilty conscience, then go for it.
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10 years with no intimacy? personally honestly i can not live with that. I can not imagine how a woman in her sexually active age live that. I am no doctor but were i i would try to figure out if nowadays technology has cure to whatever the problem is that the husband has and if the answer is no, then face up the fact and live life based on facts. If i were the husband, i would have set the wife free, - 10 years? how many 10 years does a woman have? is he/has he not being too selfish? geez.
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screwing around will make you feel better for a little while but not when your husband finds out, then you will just feel cheap and worthless.
Be straight forward, honest and communicative.
Just because you've been with him for a long time doesnt mean you have to stay with him if your unhappy just make sure you both understand what each others difficulties and problems are and if they are unresolvable to a point of no compromise then move on.
For christ sake dont go ruining someone else life by sleeping with your co worker, tell him to stop being an a'''hole and learn some respect, if he is interested in you while he's married what makes you think he will treat you any better once your with him and he see's another girl after hes bored of you?
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Got to have intimacy, when you don't you become more like just friends at best. Go see a counselor or do whatever you can to make things more interesting between you and hubby. Looking outside is probably not the best unless you are willing to leave him. I guess there are many factors for you to consider so good luck.
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sicn
16 yrs ago
Teacup,
Firstly, I feel sympathetic to your situation and you are a good person who try to do the right thing. But I have to wonder you intention of asking for help here. If you want to find some sort of justification to do what you really DESIRE to do, it is not going to be realistic. In my opinion, the only person can help you out is your husband. You need to find a way to let him help you whatever the way is suitable. You and your husband need to face the reality and be strong for each other. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your husband involve to solve the problem.
Last and mostly important: Do not EVER EVER have a relationship with people you work with. That will ruin your job, your life and his life. That is a fact and please please listen.
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I met my girlfriend at work, and it has worked out really well.
I read a survey recently that put the top three ways married couples meet nowadays. Number 1= meet through work, Number 2= meet through friends, Number 3= Internet.
Just food for thought.
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sicn
16 yrs ago
To cheesypeaplease,
My advice is to MARRIED people like Teacup and her co-worker. Your fact can be true for the singles. In teacup's case, the changes to suceed are:
1. Doing the happy things secretly during working hour or maybe find chances to go on business trip together and hoping nobody at work will find out about it, or hofully won't affect job performance.
2. One of them changes job so that keep the other co-workers out of worry.
3. About the homefront, just hope both family will never find out about it.
4. About doing the right thing and wanting to be a decent human being, just put all of them on hold.
Then ask yourself, does it really worth it. To live like a less person or not being able to live with yourself.
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Sorry, I meant if you weren't married...
Yeah, sort out your stuff at home before you start going down that street....
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It's all about love vs lust. The only reason you like the work colleague is because you haven't had him yet and vice versa. One you do get him and imagine if it doesn't work out, then what? You would be left with nothing. And if you are thinking of just a 'fling', then don't bother with anything. You would be effectively destroying your husband.
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i donnt wanna give any comment on the relationship bewteen you and your hasband, but from the tile, u luv your hasband is enough. i dont think u are selfish,
a
if u hv a baby u should think more about the family, otherwise, u just be what you should be.
relationship with married colleague is risky, although it is understandable or reasonable, maybe is unworthy,and is not your best way out, u should take a deep consideration, if you two are mature\calm enough to manage the relaship working order.
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love comes in all shapes, sizes and guises. if you truly and honestly do love them both and you are not going to torment yourself (or them) find a way to make it work. if the married man you are interested in is truly in love with you then you won't get "used" and you won't be "using" be as clear as possible with him, and hide what you need to hide. it won't be an easy choice or an easy thing to do whichever way you go, but making up your mind, understanding what you want and making it happen to the best of your ability will allow you fully live. i don't believe that there is any clear right or wrong in terms of relationships. wrong is hurting some unnecessarily. right is whatever consenting adults make it to be. good luck.
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Teacup, I totally understand how bad you feel, as I got the similar case. My husband and I have the same problem, we're not intimate at all. I did chat with him and ask him if he got any problem, but he said no, and then I told him that I am human being, not a wood. I suffer for this and I voice out, as I know is abnormal that for a couple, how can we live without sex for more than 9 months? Anyway, I finally cannot just sit and wait for nothing, I know married is not only sex, I also concentrate teach my kids their homework. What happen is finally I decide to walk out of my married. I divorce and my 2 kids under my custody. I met a man, we get along quite well at the very beginning. But he cannot get along with my daughter. So I finally decide, my family come first. And I learn one thing, man are all the same. At first everything is passion, afterward all is different. I won't comment on your choice, as I only want to remind you that, if you divorce, you need to face to a lot of problem. He might refuse to pay the maintence. Saying bad thing ... so and so...
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