for the men: this is very common
is there such a thing as being bored with someone your with.. i have been in a realtionship for the most of 3 years..
and recently bf has been giving me the "i need space talk" and i found out he has got another girl on the girl on the side who he told we had broken up last year altho we were still together..
its not like we stuff together.. we hardly ever do coz we have a different set of friends and no mutual friends... he likes doing stuff that i dont like doing and vise-versa.
i wasnt surprised to find out actually... but i love him too much to just let him go...
i am so lost as to what next step to take..
am i supposed to take it and leave or do i fight for the guy?
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So you're saying you have nothing in common: not friends, not activities or interests. In other words, this relationship has no foundation.
Don't waste time on it. Go find someone with whom you do have common interests, someone who can be your partner, not just a warm body to "love". Stop taking Harlequin Romances seriously.
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I don't think he's worth fighting for with his kind of attitude. He doesn't appreciate your love. Leave him - I know it's hard but you have to do it. This year a only I have suffered 2 heart breaks. I did my best to save the relationships but there is no used. They are not sincere. I felt taken advantage off and used and felt my trust and body have been violated. I kept asking myself "Why is this happening to me again?" :-)
Anyway, Good Luck and my Best regards to you :-)
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we do have stuff in common.. just not friends.. and we have stuff we do together..
but dont hang out as much as we did before coz i like i said he needs his is askong for his space... i dont know maybe he is just curing an itch or smth...
we have had problems before... and we always have worked it out.. and theres was and incident a few months ago that i lost my temper in public with him... he cant remember what happend and what he said that made me lose my temper but i do. and the words he had said are still ringing in my head...
he's a sweet guy and i love him to pieces.. i dont know what he is trying to tell me or what he wants me to do...
and he is my first serious bf... and quiet different from the others guys i have dated and had flings with...
he is my partner .. in everything.. but i think beiong human as we are we cant have everything in common..
or am i just rationalizing my way to another bout of disappointment?
the thing that comforts me is: the "new girl" is kinda the rebound girl... and you know what they say... if he cheated on me with her, what does she think would guarantee that he wont do the same thing to her?
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dont waste yr time on this man, when a man decides to finish yr relationship, he will not say it directly, he will act in a different way to make u feel angry, uncomfortable, will do something to hurt you, the purpose he does so is waiting for you to say "quit", then he will not feel guilty and he will think yr break-up is not his mistake. It's cruel but it's true.
It's not easy to leave someone after have been with for 3 yrs, but ask yrself, r u willing to wait for him for another 2 or 3 years? Maybe u need some time to cool down, dont contact with him for few weeks, if he does not contact u, it means u r totally over, if he turns to find u, it's good time for a conversation...
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Fine, clear-headed response there from Lloyd Grossman. 80% of men are cheats? Interesting statistic, but I'd love to know where it came from, assuming it was not come rubbish in your head.
For Confused101, her initial post indicates that there is not much there to base any serious relationship on, but her subsequent post although hardly dispelling that, at least indiates she wants more. But as the others say, Lloyd notwithstanding, he does not sound worth the effort.
Confused101 - what is in it for you? At the end of the day, it does not matter much if you love him with all your heart if he does not love you back? Where's the fun in that?
Take a step back, and then go and look after yourself. Don't involve the BF, and see how it pans out. If you really miss him that much, then he is hardly likley to have noticed. On the other hand, you could just as well find one of Lloyd's rare 20% guys who offers love, support, friendship and all that good stuff that occasionally we men bring to the table.
It does not have to be as complicated as some people make it out to be.
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Some relationships are almost like a habit. If asked 'Why are you together?' and the answer is 'because we have been together for 3 years and it would be a shame to end it and waste 3 years', then it may be like a habit.
It is perfectly normal to grow away from each other.
Time to move on.
If you/he moves out then he might ask to come back and try again. That would be a new dilema. But cross that bridge if/when it occurs.
Remember that you only have one life. You should not have to waste several years to find out the relationship is not going to go anywhere.
These are years you could have been in a more productive relationship.
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listen confused, if he's got a girl on the side, then what are u doing with him...he's using you for physical pleasure i guess
MOVE ON, GET OUT NOW NOW NOW
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he shagged girls when i went away for a few months.. we agreed that my being away would give us the space we both needed... we havent spoken about moving in together.. it just happend.. a few sleep overs every now and again.. then a few days.. and before we both knew it i moved in...
maybe he does needs his space...
and icarus.. its not that easy to let go.. im not made of stone.. i will get over him.. but not immediately..
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You are just prolonging your pain and agony. Cut your losses now. This is not the kind of guy you'd want to be with 10 years from now when you are older, physically less perfect. You being on a trip does not give him freedom to fool around. You don't want to loose your self respect because of this. Have the courage to leave him. You may feel pain and you may not be able to get into another relationship as quick as you'd like but sooner or later, you'll find somebody else and forget about this person.
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Yes, it's not that easy. I was once deeply in loved & he left me without saying a word! I've cried & even think of killing myself. Why such kind of man i ever loved & don't even have the courage to say it! It's a terrrible pain i had before. U can't imagined how hopeless i am, but at least i get over it. Eversince i had not seen him & he never contacted me since then! But still, i still wanna know the reason why he left just like that, he was also my first just like you.
I had also a friend, the husband cheated on her. It's the 2nd time already but she still forgive him, her reason she said she still love him so much!!!
My piece of advice, whatever makes you happy just go for it! Be brave to have your final decision that you won't regret it in the near future. Good luck girl, this is life!!!
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thanks for the encouragements.. i finally managed to let go... and after we broke up he told me had 3 other girls on the go.. all know about me but dont know about each other, they just thought im the crazy stupid gf who was in the dark..
but i think i knew for a long tiime.. we didnt have that much sex and when we do he was always making me feel like he was doing me a favor.. told me that one of his girls can satsify him in a few minutes and i never could it like that.
i finally realized that he never had any respect for me. calls me really horrible names.. i am a minority in hk.. he has a very discriminatory attitude towards my race group which didnt surface till it was too late.. he treated me like i was his servant and a very far subordinate. it made very depressed.
im not hurt anymore.. it just made realize that he the biggest jerk on the planet and i hope these girls know what they are in for.
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leave him!you shouldn't waste time on him any more!
the world is so big,you must be get a right man!Enjoy your life!Keep smiling
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i did leave him.. a month after i post my OP...
and i never felt happier
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As a guy (from the US-caucasian) I would just get rid of this guy, not just because he "cheats" because almost all guys are built that way by nature, but because he doesn't seem to know how to communicate, which is worse. I suggest finding a guy and have "no secrets" type of relationship. They are usually the best and romantically the hottest. I know from experience.
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actually.. the reason isnt about communication.. he is just not content and can not trust anyone even if he wants to.. he didnt have the basic respect for me that was needed to overcome what ever problems..
the things is... he just "wants to have fun" before settling down he said.. but i think he is too old to have fun that way...
he had this way of under mining me that made me secind guess myself even if i knew i was right.. and he was projecting his faults and shortcomings to me.. i may have made mistakes myself.. im only human.. he wanted me to be perfect. no body can be that perfect... i lost a lot of myself because i was trying so hard to be what he wants..
i realiz now that i was loving him for all the wrong reasons.. he had been there everytime i needed him.. he supported me and coz of that sense of gratitude i had i thought i loved him but it wasnt love as love should be...
but i am on my way to getting myself back...
i am just enjoying my newly single status...
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FKKC
16 yrs ago
Good for you. And congratulations to the free YOU!
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i do actually.. i have this overwhelming feeling of relief... and its been a month since.. have met a guy.. and im just enjoying myself.. i have learned a lot from that relationship.. and i will be able to use those lessons to make the next one better...
thank you all for your encouraging words... at least i know i wasnt making a mistake...
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i find it hard to believe that you love him when you have no common interests with him and him with you. I think you're confused. Seems more like you're USED to him and after 3 yrs, you're afraid to break away from this conformity and comfort.
Move on now then stay on and regret. U know in yourself it's not working already especially if he has someone on the side.
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