Hey Fatkid,
Didn't you do that on a thread some time ago - about some girl who wasn't sure, got back together with her ex-b.f., used you are a sounding board and emotional support mechanism, lead you on/off/on/...?Do you trust her now, that she "confessed her feelings"? What were those feelings anyhow?
Look, to be blunt, you have had 2 years written off for her, now she comes back to Fatkid when the chips are down....do you really trust her? The reason I ask about if you trust her, you will know what to do .I think you don't trust her, and you shouldn't. If she really thought you were the "number one and only" for her, then she'd have been with you years ago.
I think she doesn't really know what she wants, but may be opportunistic and "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" sort of gal (they exist), and you "may" become Mr Right-now, until Mr Right comes along.
From recall of your previous thread, it appears she is a bit of a user (unintentional, don’t get me wrong) and is probably spoilt - I wouldn’t trust her. Further, I wouldn't let her waste any more of my time - do yourself a favour, hard as it may be, and cut back on time on her significantly. As long as you have this emotional siphon tapped into you, you'll be haemorrhaging energies/feelings on this person, and walk past that real sweet girl without even noticing her.
I have seen this situation you have quite a few times- sounds like a bit of co-dependency going on, and if you are of co-dependent personality (which I think is the case, but get yourself clinically diagnosed, don't rely on this), then the WORST type of person you can have in your life so as to stagnate it is another co-dependent.
FatKid, if I am right about my recollection of your earlier post about tis woman and your situation, you are going to spiral back into the same problems yet again. So, you have to get a grip and do something positive to enhance your life and not get preoccupied with her ok.
THE FOLLOWING IS A LITTLE LONG, BUT READ IT AND CONSIDER IT,AND DON’T GET OFFENDED AS THEY ARE GENERAL COMMENTS, AND NOT ABOUT YOU SPECIFICALLY - BUT YOU WILL KNOW WHICH ONES APPLY AND WHICH ONES ARE GOOD FOR YOU.
SUGGESTIONS:
1. Spend muchless time with her, show that you are not there on call for when she wants you,and you have your own life which doesnt revolve around her. On;t be mean, just not so obligin ok? And with time she will either respect you and it'll drive were wild about you, or she'll find another support mechanism, then you'll knokw But make sure you do some og the followingn points below ok?
2. Change something major in your life (house is a good one) but expensive and not always viable. Perhaps do a complete re-arrangement of your furniture, get a new rug, (and replace anything that is clapped out). This helps give separation from the old FatKid and the new FatKid.
3. Replenish yourself with something you once enjoyed but no longer do (piano, flute, wax-works modelling (or mild sport, nothing too strenuous for you just yet)
4. Change your daily lifestyle (do some activity like walking before work for only fifteen minutes), or something - you need routine!@
5. Use different restaurants
6. Get new bed linen when you move, and throw out the mismatching kitchen ware (new stuff is pretty cheap)
7. Spend 30 mins at Watsons, or a good Park N Shop, and buy new toothpaste, toothbrush, mouth gargle, shampoo, Nivea face wash/gel/cleanser (depending upon your type of skin) sniff all the deodorants and get a more talc smelling one (Adidas series are ok and not too expensive), get floss, new razors and cream (different brand). Also get gear for any on-going issues such as foot-rot, tinea, dry skin- then throw out the old stuff, make the cabinet tidy and orderly, and adopt a strict personal improvement/hygiene programme, and STICK TO IT ! This may sound a little weird, but it will really help you a lot!
8. Walk your own dog if your maid is doing it, at least part of the time.
9. This is a bit pricey, but get a new suit made (Although winter is approaching, just use Summer materials as cheaper and in any event it don’t get really cold in HK), and get 3 new shirts made for you.
10. If you are using the same shoes to go to work day in day out you have to stop that (bad for your feet and your tinia anyhow). You need really 2 or 3 pairs at least, and alternate. Comfort vs style - difficult eh FatKind? Keep a pair of 1/2 decent slip-on's under the desk (shoes that is!). you can always change etc when at work, then put the nicer ones back on for commuting and lunching purposes. You know, you walk in anywhere wearing "practical" men’s shoes with a suit, unfortunately people (in particular women people) mark you as being a "hump" from that point on, and a hump aint going to get too much of the good oil now.
11. Unsubscribe from all the extra TV channels you have got - you don’t need them.
12. Watch lessTV - really you must cut back on this
13. Use the internet less - don’t be such an addict!
14. Get up earlier and get to bed earlier
15. IMPORTANT - make sure if you do some of the above that you don’t become one of those quasi-men, you know the type who present as oh so sensitive, in touch with everything- frankly it is insipid and you'll end up attracting women same or similar to that of the subject in question.
16. Be a man, not a whiney girly-boy (not saying you are ok, but make sure you are not ok). Women do not dig this sort of guy. Also, adopt a more masculine persona - from you posts and the previous one it sounds like you may be a soft-touch for a co-dependent personality, and you know you don’t want that ! How about getting a little interest in rugby, or if you are from the US that game they play there where they throw a football forwards.
17. make sure you have male friends ok, cos even though it may be fun hanging with the girls, that's all it'll ever be. Trust me, in my friendship groups over the years I have seen the dependable perpetual single guy who the girls in our group look to for support "you are my best friend", "you are like a brother to me" and some girls need this kind of guy. BUT ! that guy never gets anywhere - best he gets is to hold her hand and put his arm around her shoulder when some cool guy (her boyfriend) has dumped her, sneak a downwards peek, and that's it! Life is cruel, but what you make of it. Rest assured, as witnessed countless times, all those girls in the group (who are so sweet and nice) keep on dating cooler guys than the "nice guy", and who dates (or more?) their "brother", and history repeats - This guy is on a one way train to somewhere nowhere and loneliness, unless he breaks the cycle. The good news FatKid, male friends who are not insipid (and not sports hero types either - they are narcistic often and pig-headed) don’t need you for the "support" like needy girls do. Frankly, why do a her girlfriend's job for her, if there is nothing in it for you (potential) or you don't know her brother etc?
18. DO MALE THINGS - drink beer (never be one of those wine snobs), go places, hang, do stuff, learn to roller blade or ride a motorbike (that is fun, and women really dig them)
19. GET A PET - if you live alone DONT get a dog unless it is say 7 to 10 years and sleeps alot, doesn't demand too much attention, but likes a daily walk and enjoys "hanging out". Big commitment, but if someone is leaving HK and cant take their dog and the dog's needs are compatible with your lifestyle, then go to COSMO'S on Robinson road and have a chat with them, SPCA and Wan Chai. And if you need to go away from time to time, boarding is not too expensive really (BYODF - bring your own dog food saves $), or someone you know would help out for sure. Oh, BTW, many girls dig guys with dogs. Alternatively, get fish or a turtle - not too much maintenance. People with pets are generally mentally healthier. Don’t get a cat though, especially if you have co-dependent personality - it's a bit feminie too for a single guy!
Ok FatKid, time to find another woman and forget this one unless you want to say to using 2 years time "I waited for 4 years...." life is too short and there are plenty on nice women in HK (both foreign and local) to focus your attention on, and who'll treat you 5000% better than the other one
HOWEVER!
If she really is the "one", she'd wait for you right?
Also, by utilising some of the above points, you'd be showing her that your life doesn;t revolve around her,and she may be impresed with the new FatKid,as woman want a man to walk over when they want support, but they dont want that in a partner
p.s.
here is the link to your earlier post:
http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/marriage-relationships/threads/111570/ljbf-your-thoughts?/
same girl right?