Posted by
Ariannya
16 yrs ago
Hello everyone!
here is my situation.... Me, my husband and our 2 children under 10 left the US for Asia 3 years ago. I sold my business to support him and his career in Asia. 10 days after our arrival, my hubby met some girl and desappear out of sight ( he stopped coming home for over 1 month nonstop). at that time we were lodged in a hotel. My kids were sick (pneumonia) while my husband decided to reinvent himself by introducing himself as a single man with no kids. eventually (after 1 month) the girl found out and confronted him. my husband told her that he was in fact divorced and would prove it by showing her his divorce paper from america. at that time we were married for 11 years.... After she broke it up, it did the same thing with numerous girls . same lies. same technics. one of them decided to avenged herself by going after me and the children because my husband told her that I was refusing to sign divorce papers. i am still waiting for the papers.
My husband refuses to divorce and went as far as to ruined my green card so I would not be able to go back in the US with the children. By the way, we moved to K.L were he spent months asking me for forgiveness until he decided to stop coming home about 4 months ago. this new one thinks he is single with no kids as always.... for him, I only want a divorce to punish him and ruin his life!!!! who is ruining whose life???? How do I deal (smart way)with a man who lies all the time, abandon his children (physically, emotionally and financially), but at the same time refuse to divorce? I can't divorce him in KL... since we have been in Asia, he went out of his way to complicate our life. the children have been traumatized by his frequent abandonments. disturbingly, he doesn't see anything wrong with his actions towards us. by the way whenever he get busted outside, he makes up vicious lies about me to make his cheating looks like a good thing. According to him, abandoning his family and starting full time relationships based on lies with other women is his way to escape reality. which one of us need to escape reality? his problem with me? I voice my desappointment unstead of keeping my mouth shut. so he uses that as the reason why he doesn't come home.... he refuses to participate in all school events, medical emergencies and school fees!!!He doesn't pick up when the children try to contact him... Unbelievable!!!!
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I agree with Cara. Call a lawyer asap! You need to rid yourself of this horrific man.
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Yes, don't deal with him anymore sweetie. Get a professional to deal with him - this kind of looser - he doesn't deserve you anymore.
Think about where you and the children want to live, the US or Asia, do not contact him or give him ur phone number, cut him loose completely. If he does have your contact detail, tell him to call your lawyer if he has any thing to say.
Do not nag or venge on him either, it would just make things worse. Dress up, make yourself pretty and make him realize that he's the one loosing, loosing a good family, good wife and good children. If you talk to him just smile really pretty, serene, calmly, and say "we're done, talk to my lawyer. Bye bye sweetie".
OH! and make sure you've got all the custody of the children :) take a deep breath and sort out the mess. Good luck!!!! :)
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Beter go through freinds/Realtive circle if possible to fix this...Lawyer is last resort.
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hi cara, As per Ariannya statement ---
the best part is , he is not violent, though he is abandoning his wife/kids. If he is really a listener, someone(freinds/relatives) might approach and talk to him. this is asian appraoch. If that doenst works proceed further.
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Every attempt to talk to him proved to be in vain. Many (from relatives to best friends ) have tried in vain!!! He tells them what he thinks they want to hear... pretends to have changed, cries the whole nine yard. he then turns around and tells the other women not to leave him and start planning wedding with them. To prove how serious he is, he goes as far as meeting the girls parents. one of the girl quit her job of 10 years to prepare for married life. it never happenned. Remember everyone my husband has no intention to divorce. He asked another girl to have his baby because he had none!!!! He have 2 young kids at home!!!!
every time he get caught, he invent bigger and more vicious lies to escape the consequences.... when he having his vicious affairs, he explains he absent by saying that he is sleeping in his office. the best part, his office is in the building we live in.... I heard from him today and he still denies having an affair, just sleeping at work. every word out of his mouth is a lie... when he can't go through with the wedding plans? His explaination to them: "My estranged psycho wife refused to sign the divorce paper and she is blackmailing to ruin your life too".... I feel like i am in a coma somewhere and dreaming all this...
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to Lyod G.
All of his have been documented as some of the girls filed complaints against him. I know about his outside version / personality through what they said he told them. In the last country we lived, our entire apt. building got involved as one of the girls caused serious property damages and got physical with the guards.... he is in his 40s... the family of one of the girls showed up at my door and asked me to tell my husband to stay away from their daughter... another one stalked my kids and I for 6 months.... once everything calms down, he moves on to the next girl who would be willing to go out ... he uses money to get them hook and refuse to support his kids at home...
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Ariannya,
Please for your kids and your own good, best contact your consulate, they will surelly advice the best for the kids.
Don't wait till he turn violent etc... be safe ... if you love your kids do it ASAP.
all, some advices are very acurated, and some are so wierd dunno what some people is thinking ( 21st century) guys hello...
I think he have his share of understanding and calm by his wife.
Is time to do something before is too late.
good luck
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well... sorry but are you looking for pitty of real advice?????
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if this story is true, get a lawyer to help you trough it!
"I only want a divorce to punish him and ruin his life" seems a strange reason with limited benefit. although, if what you say is true, i can understand your frustration and anger. however would being able to start a new life, and do what is best for you and your children not appear to be a better reason?...
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I am not looking for pity but practical good and smart advice... I talked to many lawyers here in KL.. most told me there is not much I can do since he refuse to coorporate... one of them ask to give him time to think about it called it "an unique situation". Foreigners can't divorce in Malaysia.... as for consulates, not much help there... I am not exactly sitting around eating bonbons. unless its a case of physical violence, embassies and consulates don't do as much as u guys think. i am not sharing my story for pity but smart ideas in handling a serial cheater and pathological liar... who is busy complicating my life.
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to julesfhk.
plz read read carefully... he said that i only want to divorce him to punish and ruin his life.... I wrote" For him, I only want a divorce to punish him..." ... sorry but maybe my english is not so good
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Only you can decide what to do vis a vis a divorce. Take your time and think it through.
Whatever you do, do NOT in any circumstances remove the children from the jurisdiction of Malaysia for more than 28 days without either the leave of the Family Court in Malaysia or your husband's express written consent. If you do you will undoubtedly be charged with international parental child abduction and may have to return the children to Malaysia. There have been a fair number of these cases in HK and Hague Convention proceedings to return the child(ren) have ensued in all cases. Such cases are extremely stressful am demotinally and financially draining.
See a matrimonial lawyer by all means but in general don't bother with Consulates - they are next to useless in these matters and will undoubtedly tell you to consult a lawyer anyway.
It seems to me (partially in agreement with LGiMV's earlier comment) that your husband may be suffering from depression and is unable to rationalise. He needs a wake up call and that call is for you to tell him that you will commence divorce proceedings in the United States unless he breaks the relationship with the girl. At least that way he knows what is coming. At the same time, you apply to the Malaysian Family Court for leave to remove the children from the jurisdiction of Malaysia. Trust me - that will wake him up like nothing on earth!!!!!!!!!
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is your husband malaysian too? or is he a westerner?
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Well your husband is a fool, but please dont be like him, are you really that desperate?
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If this story is true, then you should go to the US consulate, hire yourself a good lawyer and off you go!
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"If this story is true, then you should go to the US consulate, hire yourself a good lawyer and off you go!"
The one thing you MUST do is to get your husband's consent (or leave of the Family Court in Malaysia) to lawfully remove your children from the jurisdiction of Malaysia back the the US. If you do not do this you run the risk of your husband (justifiably) claiming that you have abducted the children. There have been several cases like this in HK where local Police in both countries and Interpol have been involved. Very messy and disturbing for all concerned.
I agree that you should commence divorce proceedings in the US but as pat and parcel of those proceedings you need to resolve all matters relating to the children.
Please do NOT remove the children before you legally settle this matter (or at least have your husband's written consent to do so).
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Sounds like he is bipolar. Been out with someone like that as well - similar pattern and found out that there is no cure, the cure is to get rid as soon as possible. Shame that this has only started to manifest to you once you have had the long relationship, that makes it even harder.
I think a lawyer would wipe the floor with him and get you the result you need now. I sincerely hope this does not put you off men in general, as they are not all like that!
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